Well now I did it.<P>Last night a song again "triggered" my thoughts.<P>I told H to just move out!<P>I said I can't believe the A lasted for over a year! Right under my nose.(We all went out as couples)<P>It just pissed me off and I didn't care if he moved. <P>I,too feel like people "pity" me now and I hate it!<P>I almost can see a one time stray.<P>This was so calculating and mean on both their parts.<P>I didn't care if she never spent the night or all the other sh*t I say to make it better.<P>Also after 2 mos. of knowing he expects me to be "better" for the most part.<P>He said "when you do this it drives me away"<P>I said "then move the F*** out!" "How dare you?"<P>I didn't get thru the 24hrs. of being nice.<P>Tough!!!!! And no p.m.s. is to blame!<P>Who knows? Maybe he'll work all day, shower and go to our friends tonight.<P>I can't wait for tues. and my appt.w/surgeon.<P>OK nuff said. You guys know the rest.<P><BR>Update: 7am....I was doing my exercise and he came in like nothing happened to say goodbye! I usually stop and hug him but didn't today. I didn't tell him the usual"have a great day" either.<P>I just get outraged sometimes! I would never consider doing another guy!<P>The worst is him not remembering when the first time was. He f'n remembers! I'm sure he does. hmmmm...let's see....1 or 2x's a month x's 14 mos.? = about 28 times give or take a few fuc**. hmmmm how is THAT A MISTAKE??? HOW????<P>I should be doing this in my journal but you guys give feedback.....<P>Another thing....do I want to spend years doing this? I just don't know....<P> Debi<BR>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited January 20, 2001).]

Gem,<P>I feel like you about the years. It has been almost a year since I found out. But that is the key. I mean when I found out it was when this kid was already two. I was never going to know, and if the law wasn't involved this could have shown up years later and blew up in my face.<P>I don't understand why men think we should be over it or better. I can't talk to my husband about any of the consequences of this situation. Like I mentioned how we won't be able to get a mortgage at what we thought because the child support cuts so much into our income. He told me to quit talking about it. <P>My H also does that thing, of acting like I haven't said anything. Yesterday he kept asking what is wrong. So then I told him, needless to say he was hoping it would be something other than this mess. As soon as I mentioned what I was thinking he cut off conversation. <P>I know how hard it is. I just sit and think about what would my life be like without him. I am still trying to be positive. I know you hate feeling like you were the last one to know anything. Like you are the idiot who couldn't figure it out. That just turns my stomach. <P>Try to concentrate on something positive. Go look at clothes, look for a bathing suit. I mean if you are going to get the surgery, your clothes will change quite a bit. Try to get excited aboout your self, and make yourself happy today. I would focus on that today, and try to turn you anger in to some positive energy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.<P>babstr. <P>

Thanks babstr.<BR>I want to know when this started too...no answer.<P>I want to know what he thought when we were all together....no answer..<P>Now I want to know if he got her a valentine last yr. Don't know if I'll ask.<P>New clothes eh? New swim suit sounds good after surgery. <BR>How about fitting in my same size? Will it be a problem?<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi gemini,<P>Sorry for the current ugliness. I wish I had some words that would make it all better or make it go away. But, even after 2 1/2 years into "it", I still have identical reactions at times, and they aren't that infrequent, I'm sorry to say.<P>You probably know some of my story if you have read this board for any length of time, so you know my H's affair last several years. <BR>I wish I could say that everything "falls into place" after a while, but I don't know that it does. It certainly hasn't for me after all this time. <P>So...I'm trying to focus on ME these days, and trying to be more concerned about myself and my feelings than his, for the first time in 26 years. It isn't easy, because it is contrary to the way we have always related to each other. <P>I know the conventional wisdom around here is "he loves you or he wouldn't be there, so don't vent these bad feelings and LB and drive him away!" Well, excuuuuuuuseeee me! Let's see..HE chose to put hs feelings first (as always). HE chose to screw someone else for years rather than come to me to work out any "problems" he may have had. HE lied and lied and lied, living what amounts to a double life for years, and I'm not supposed to LB? Sorry, but I can't buy that.<P>I acknowledge and accept my part in his "unmet needs." I have tried to discuss that with him and he just replies, "It wasn't your fault." "It was all me." But he still expects me to just "forget it" and move on as though nothng happened.<P>Well, I can't, nor should I have to. (forgive me, Dr. Harley.) He's an intelligent adult who doesn't use drugs or alcohol,(although I'm beginning to suspect he has a Personality Disorder.) After 26 years I deserve better, and so does this battered ole marriage. I have accepted OC into our lives (which incudes lying to our own grown kids who will not accept her); I am helping to pay the $10,000 in legal fees we have accumulated to gain visitation rights; and I have even accepted the fact that I will not be able to retire in 4 years as scheduled but must continue working until I croak since our support obligation continues until I am 72!<BR>I keep most of my sadness and insecurity to myself since trying to talk w/him about it only stirs up a confrontation.<P>Soooooo, if I get overwhelmed with it all and lash out at him (LB?) tough s***! If having to accept one ofthe consequences of his actions (my hurt and anger) occasionally is going to "drive him away" well, so be it! <P>So, honey, if your hurt and anger surfaces occasionally and it happens to smack your H in the face (figuratively, or course,) don't worry about it. YOU have some rights in this too, you know. And if accepting the manifestation of the hurt and anger you have as a consequence of HIS actions drives him away, do you really want him awyway?<P>(My goodness, I'm assertive today. <P>Love, <BR>anniem

Ohhhh,Anniem! Good one! You're right, if he can't take it sometimes tough shi*<P>I'd miss him to death.(I hate to say that)<P>Well thanks. Our counsler told me to take 24 hrs. at a time but it doesn't always work!<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem,<P>New sizes? That depends on where you are now. I am a medium, but my chest puts me in a large. I am a size 6, but my chest puts me into size 10-12. So a lot of times my clothes don't fit right. Like I have a lot of material on the sides of me and my back, but the chest line is tight. I have the same problem with my waist being a size 6, and my rear being a 8. So I always have gaps of material in the back of my jeans. But I am sure you won't be getting a chest where you look abnormal. <P>Just look at what your clothes are like. Anything with buttons might gap. Blazers and stuff like that might not button across the chest. I would bet money you will have to buy a new swimsuit. Since that is one item that you buy to fit tight. So just like new bras you will need those things. <P>But hey, isn't getting a boob job, go with buying a new wardrobe. I mean afterall they go hand and hand. It will be a big change for you. I mean talk about an esteem booster. That alone will give you more confidence and make you happy. <P>Of course I am speculating about the clothes, cause I don't know what all you want to have done. Some people I know had implants and they went from like A cup to C cup, some of them a D. That was a pretty big change. What ever you do, it will take you mind off this hell. And put it back on yourself! Let us know how the appointment goes. <P>By the way, my father-in-law told his son after this came out, what rule he would have to live by now. That for the rest of his life I could say anything I want to him, and he would have to take it. Because this mistake gave me a unlimited card to complain, and he would have to keep his mouth shut. That there is nothing I could ever say to him that would compare to the damage he had done. That is how it should be for everyone. So if you need to blow steam and call him names, than he should say "yes dear". I am not saying to do it constantly but we all deserve to be upset at times.<P>babstr <P>

Anniem<P>Well said!!!<P>Comfort

anniem,<BR>I want a "c" I think i'm an a and 1/2 so no bra fits perfect.<BR>I'm junior size 3...maybe w/chest I will be misses 4.<P>I'll let you know how it goes. I need to know cost too.<P>Your FIL said a good thing. My sil said I have all the rights now and all the cards, but he still says when I go crazy he won't stay and get this.......BE ABUSED EVERYDAY!!!! poor guy...<P>I loved the worried look and comment that I don't need a bigger chest....too bad.<P>And when I'm mentally stable I DO want to bartend in a fancy place. I have the charm and looks and soon the chest I have always wanted....regardless what he says. At least it's not sex!<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....