<BR>Justme; <P>I dont know if you read my post when you asked about your letter..but I figured you could help me. Make some use of the knowledge that you have..I am despirately trying to bring my WS (wayward spouse) home to my family....I was told on a previous post to become the OW instead of the W...So what I am asking of you..How do I do that? I am not calculating and deceptive; it's not in me...He is with her now and I have every right to lure my h back to me...but I just dont know how. I'm trying to be the confidant and the shoulder to lean on...but what else can I do? Please help me because I certainly cant ask the OW in my life what she did to get my H into bed and away from his family...<P>Thanks for any input you can give! By the way; I'm glad you have seen the destruction that Affairs cause to so many lives...I just wish you and your s luck...God bless you-and forgive my previous harsh words...I'm sure you can understand; I'm the jilted one when it should have been the OW who was jilted!!!<P>aloneandsad (missy)

Aloneandsad,<P>Well, I wasn't in the A to be deceitful, and I certainly didn't plan it. There were many things involved in my situation. All I can say is that you are on the right track, being the confidant and having your shoulder readily available. To be honest, that is how my relationship with OM started out. We would talk, and he would often use me as a sort of sounding block. I am the type of person who likes to try to "fix" things, but am also always looking for approval in anything I do. At the time, I wasn't getting that at home, due to H's job, and us not really being together for the full previous year. Now that I know what to "look for" I know what I did wrong(not counting the A, I know that was wrong, just how it all started), and know how to avoid those situations. Just keep up the job you have been doing, with just "being there" when he needs to talk, or whatever. By doing that, you are making him "need" you more than the OW. He will come to see what he has lost, and want it back. Become his best friend. Are there any ways that you can contact him w/out OW knowing? Maybe plan to meet him for lunch? I know that the CS is also a concern, and that OW seems to be controlling the purse strings, along with just about everything else. Maybe, if you do get to "sneak away" to lunch with him, you could let him "be in control". He is probably getting sick and tired of OW being in charge of all the decisions. Let him choose where you meet, and the day, that way he will "feel in charge", which could score major love bank deposits for you, and withdrawls for OW. I don't know, just some suggestions. I hope that I was of some help in your frustration. Like I said before, you are on the right track, just think of what OW may be doing that is driving your H crazy right now, and do the opposite.<P>Tigger<p>[This message has been edited by tigger4jdt (edited January 20, 2001).]

aloneandsad, I havent been either ow or om but I think if you can find something to complement h on when you talk to him that really helps. Men love to be made to feel like you really think there wonderful. I think thats a part of why they end up doing what they have done is because the ow made them feel like they were special. They often act like its no big deal when you complement them on something but it really is important to them. with love flowerseed <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited January 20, 2001).]