OK fellow members of our sad sad club. I have an update:<P>Tomorrow my husband and I are meeting with his fraternity brother who is an attorney. He doesn't specialize in family law, but one of the parters at the firm does. Anyway we are gonna spell out our situation to him and he is going to confer with the partner to get us some advice (no charge since we are broke). <P>We promised the OW that we would meet with her at the beginning of the year to discuss support agreements. So now we begin the messy part of this whole affair. The money!<P>As far as my communications with the OW. She hasn't attempted to call my husband at all. (yes I check the call log on the cell phone and at home!) She's called me three times. Twice for diapers and formula. I've taken them to her. The third call was to ... get this ... invite us to her other child's birthday party. hello! is she an idiot or what. Does she really think that because I am civil to her that I wanna be her best friend. Little does she know I'm civil to her because I HAVE to be. I don't want her running down to child services snatching up all of our money just yet! Anyway, I politely declined.<P>As for hubby and I... things between us are better than they were the day we got married. Literally! We communicate more, understand more and are trying more than we ever have. In fact on New Years day he bought me a rose. And every day since I have received a single rose. After the first week I asked him how long he was going to buy these roses for me and he said,"One a day for the rest of the year." He said that every rose represents a new day in our fight for our marriage. He said every day when he goes to buy that rose he reaffirms his committment to me, our marriage and our family. I hung the first one upside down from our bookcase over our bed to symbolize the beginning of our new marriage. With the remainder of roses as they die I have a huge crystal bowl on my dresser and I'm peeling the petals and putting them in the bowl. <P>I feel so good about his efforts to love me the way I deserve to be loved. Even a friend of the family (who doesn't know what happend to us) commented the other day that when he talked to my husband he used many terms of endearments that he had never used before. The friend wanted to know had we gone on a second honeymoon because we seemed like newlyweds. I guess my husband was bragging on how beautiful I was and how he couldn't "do it" without me.<P>Now don't get me wrong. I may receive a rose a day, but my life isn't all rosey! I still battle the deamons in my own head. Just the other day I felt like Sybil. I just looked over at him all of a sudden and felt a bitter taste in my mouth from the thought of them together. It just hit me out of the clear blue sky. I had to literally get up out of the bed and wash my face and brush my teeth (and smoke a cigarette & drink a glass of wine) to calm myself down. Whenever he catches on that I'm "having a moment" he is quick to either divert my attention or soothe me. Thank God for that.<P>Anyway... I'll post about how the attorney visit went. Anyone familiar with Georgia law?????? (I would love to sue her, I hear that it's illegal for her to have an affair with a married man in this state. what's that called???)<P> <thoughts of revenge from the ZebraBaby><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I still battle the deamons in my own head. Just the other day I felt like Sybil.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ha! Ha! Me too Zebra! Good word for it.<P>I'm happy things are going well for you both.<P> Debi <P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Zebrababy,<P>Alienation of Affection. You have to have proof that she pursued your husband which can be hard. I think the woman who won her case last year had letters that this woman had written to her husband. If your husband went after to her I think it is harder to prove. You could do it though since your state goes for that. <P>I don't know how well that work in your situation since you are all being civil and she calls you for things. The claws could come out for visitation, and I know that you are trying to make this work.<P>Your OW sounds like she is reacting how the OW in my situation would have been. She viewed what happened as no big deal. So if I would have approached her the way you did she would have been the same way. The one time I called her she sat and talked to me like I was one of her friends. Went on and on about her boyfriend, and how rough it has been for her, then told me how she didn't need so much cs. It is funny how they think by talking that makes everything ok. <P>Keep us up to date on your meeting with the lawyer. <P>babstr.

zebra, revenge can be sweet maybe bystander has some info on the laws in your state. OW sounds like a air head that most of them seem to be. Its great that hubby is working so hard to make things right. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

gemini: i knew you would relate. let's just both hope those deamons get bored with us over the years and eventually seek another pasture to torture!<P>babstr: i don't have any letters, but I do have several of the daycare workers that worked at the center when she persued him. I also have my "play sister" who speaks to her very often. the ow told her that she got pregnant on purpose to get him away from me etc. btw, my "play sister" is a firm believer in keeping the enemy close. which is really cool because the ow has no real female friends in this state and dumps all her baggage out to my "play sister". But really the only reason i was thinking it was to have a trump card if she ever "stepped out of line" or threatened to no work with what we were willing to give. You see in order for us to put the child on my insurance I have to have the support signed off by a judge. which means he may not agree with what we want to offer. and if that sparks her to want to go after more I want to have a trump card to counter with. I guess my options will be more clear after the attorney visit.<P>flowerseed: is bystander an attorney? i guess i really don't want revenge. i just want to be the one in control. i can't stand the thought of a single mom with FOUR illegitimate kids, no car, no driver's license, no home, no husband, in charge of how my life will work out. Not to mention control over how well I take care of my children. My biggest concern is how much of my money can she touch. I'm the primary bread winner of our family. Oh and flowerseed, talking about airhead listen to this one. She's soooooo stupid. I asked her what made her think that my husband would have left me for her if he hadn't before the baby. She said she asked him if he loved her one day and he said, "enough to say I do." she thought he meant "I do" like in get married! Hello idiot. Wake up, smell the coffee. You got a half an hour piece of "a#!" once a week when his schedule permitted, and he spends the other 6 days 23.5 hours with his family in the real world... I digress... but airhead is too nice a word. I was thinking supid b^$@* Sorry for all the cussing ladies. Just needed to vent!<P>Ladies,<BR>thanks for all your kind words. i'll keep you posted.<P>ZebraBaby

Ask your attorney about "Criminal Conversation". In NC that is the law against a single person having an affair with a married person.<BR>Good Luck !!!<P>jtigger

I am so grateful to read about someone else that seems to be in my situation, although me heart breaks for you. Please, if you can, sue her for pursueing your husband. These whores need to be held accountable too. I am new to the whole posting messages thing, but i am excited to know you all are out there. Can I ask, why are you going out of your way to be that friendly to her? not htat i think we should all go in for vengeance, but i'm betting it hurts you every time you go out of your way to be nice. It does me, anyway. Does ANYBODY know of laws in PA that would allow me to sue the OW. The child support my husband is paying for that one illegitimate child is making it extrememly hard to feed our own four children. It seems like our children do not count at all in the courts eyes, and ours are the ones that he takes care of day to day. Also, how are you handling visitation. We have just filed for visitation and/or custody, and I am scared to death about the whole thing. How will I be able to look at the OW every time? Also, it seems like your husband is really trying. I can tell you that 4 years after my husband's affair we are so together and happy. It does work out sometimes. Of course I still have moments where I want to scream - but not nearly as often as before. Every day gets just a little easier.