i hate the court systems. and i don't know if my lawyer is a complete moron, or it is wholly on the courts. remember when they didn't send my husband the notice to go for the blood test? well, the lawyer fixed that and got him a new appointment, which he has already been to and done. the courts and already filed a motion for default, and now, 4 days after he went for the test they filed a default judgement. i don't know if they are just idiots and didn't realize yet that he went and had his blood drawn or what? my lawyer had surgery and is not available. he said he would be checking messages so i called him tonight and left a message.<P>as if this whole situation is not stressful enough without the courts playing these games. do you guys think we should drop our lawyer? not that we could afford another one, but maybe we could defend ourselves against the court people? or maybe not?? we are moving in 3 weeks and have no extra money to be spending on a new retainer for a lawyer. it sucks. he seems nice, except for the trying to push us into visitation, but is nice good enough??<P>eek, i am stressed out. i go along calm for awhile and then i am like a nut case. i just wanted to come here so i don't scream at my hubby when i talk to him tonight because we can't talk long, i don't want to waste it on me being all frustrated. he is in vegas working, he can't do anything from there.<P>thanks for listening. any ideas??<P>happy_girl

Happy,<P>I don't have any advice, just that I hope this court has their eyes opened as the court did for Catnip. It so frustrates me to see the other's on this board in pain, and have no advice to offer. You have our support and prayers.<P>Tigger

HG:<P>You know, when we were in NY last year, we hired an attorney that charged us in excess of $10K to defend us and try to reduce the support amount. Nothing he did made any difference at all. Just appearing without him would have garnered us the same results.<P>With careful documentation and copying every shred of tax and financial information and sending everything we had, we managed to make some headway with the Hearing Officer that the other attorney was unable to do a year ago.<P>I hate to advise you on this because it's a crap shoot. The attorney has to be really good to make a difference, otherwise the Hearing Officer will go along with state guidelines if your finances are not too complicated.<P>I have found where the scales of justice are concerned, one hand doesn't know what the other is doing and many crucial issues are ignored, lost, fall through the cracks or are just screwed up. <P>My best advise is to follow up on everything. Call often. Make them aware of you and the urgency of your situation. If you keep on top of it, they will have to. It's a lot of work but it can help you resolve all this mess sooner so you can close the book on this chapter and move forward.<P>Stay strong, stay focused and don't let the incompetents screw you over.<P>Catnip =^^=

thanks tigger and catnip. i am just so frustrated with the stupid court system and this whole situation. happy_girl

happy_girl;<P>I dont know what to say-I really have no advice for you this time; I just want you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you! Keep on keeping on...I know some days the road is hard; but just take it one day at a time!<P>Aloneandsad (missy)

Hey happy girl,<P>Sorry I didn't write last night, I was fighting a migraine, I lost. Well I don't know what to tell you about an attorney. How far away is the court hearing from where you are going to live? I spoke to one attorney, and he basically told me that he could be there to hold my hand, but that 9 out 10 times it was the same result. The law would take the standard 20%. So just like Catnip said it could go either way. She paid dearly for not much help. <P>I just wanted to tell you that last night, tonight, and tomorrow night, I am like you, my H is out of town. He had to fly to Dallas to do a hiring conference for his company. Which is fantastic since he just started with them in October, so I guess it is a good sign if they trust him to hire others. But my D hates it. She keeps asking where he is, and when does she get her kisses before she goes to bed. He is already dreading his military leave in the summer, when he'll have to leave. It was always bad before, it is even harder now that we have our daughter. It makes it harder to explain to children why people are gone. I hope you are feeling better tonight. If not write away, I will be online tonight, in between watching Friends, and ER. <P>babstr.

hey babstr, thanks for the advice. i am going to wait and see what he plans on charging for the rest of his services. i saw on the court website the results were filed. and from what i can read on the website, the way it was written means it was positive the child is his. ouch. not that i didn't know that in my heart already, but it hurts. i am near that time of the month and cry at dumb things. i even cried when the phone company guy said he would reinstate my phone with no charge. granted it was their fault and a big mess, but the other girl i had talked to was mean and i was so happy he was nice to me. i sobbed after i got off the phone with him for 15 minutes. hormones...<P>i understand the migraines, battle those myself, and usually lose too. they always win. <P>anyway, i will probably write you later. in between friends and ER of course. thanks. but i think you see it first, the time difference. don't tell me what happened. he he.<P>happy_girl<p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited January 25, 2001).]

missy, thanks for your prayers. i really need them. especially now that i am sure the child is his and what we are up against financially. <P>happy_girl

happy, sorry to hear of your problems with the courts. We didnt have a lawyer so I dont know what to tell ya there. I have a hard time trusting any lawyers we have around here. They all seem to be in cahouts with each other. How did you get the test results? they didnt send you anything.We got them in the mail after about 3 weeks.Hope things get better soon the worst is almost over. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

hey flowerseed, we have a court website here where you can check and see when things are filed, etc. and since i am so obsessive about it i check it almost every other day. it just said notice of filing of genetic test results. i am assuming that they would say, case closed, or something if the child was not his. they should be in the mail shortly i am sure. and i am home alone, how fun to get to open them... can i burn them?? after i get them i mean?? might be therapeutic.<P>glad you liked the cross thing. i need to paste it to my forehead right now. <P>love, happy_girl

HG:<P>I hold you in my thoughts and prayers tonight, HG. I remember, and I am so sorry for how sad you are tonight.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

happy, They may not say case closed right away. Did they just recieve it? I burn everything to do with sleeze bag after h looks at it half the time he dont want to even see the crap. It does feel good to see the little b***** motives go up in flames.The foc was harassing every 2 weeks for a while they are leaving us alone since I called them. I say that and in the mailbox will probly be something else.When I got the papers I was alone also its not as bad as you think I least you have a answer one way or another. I found it hard to believe thou I guess I didnt want to. As far as what the oc looks like this kid looked just like the other guy that slut bag was screwing goes to show you cant tell by looking. Maybe shes like a dog that can have 10 diffrent fathers ha ha. Hope your day is better today. hey I know how ya feel theres days I need to paste things to my forehead to that was funny. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

Dear happygirl<BR>I am new here-it's nice to meet you although of course we all wish we didn't have to meet anybody under these circumstances. About lawyers: In our case, our lawyer was successful in steering the cs hearing away from the state guidlelines, which did save us over a hundred dollars a month. This may not sound like much, but i am glad to know she is getting less than the state says she should, even if she stills gets a lot. So he was definitely helping there. Also, I love our lawyer because he is not a nice guy in court. On a few occasions he has said disparaging things to the ow that made her break down and cry. And although his true mission is to defend my husband in these proceedings, he seems to know that he is saving me little by little when he says stuff like, "you can tell that b***** has been rode hard and put away wet by too many guys." It's just nice not to be the only ones who think that she is a whore, you know what I mean? Also, he is very good about money. He knows that we are broke and he just says to send him what we can for now. (We paid off his bills from last time regularly so he knows he can trust us.) I think that it wouldn't hurt if you just called a couple of lawyers to find out what they are like and what they offer. In my case, having someone who is not afraid to be a royal jerk to the other side is worth every penny in itself.

cdcollins,<P>You are so lucky to find a guy like that. I looked and looked for a lawyer. Most were only concerned that my husband should get visitation, and pushing for that. What a blessing it is to hear that there is one lawyer who stands up for the other side. <P>babstr.

I know that I am lucky. We talked to other lawyers before we found this one. One was convinced that the ow would just give us the oc for us to adopt. As much as I explained that she would never do that - if she didn't have my husband to keep, she at least wanted to make him pay forever - he was stuck on the idea that she was some naive good-hearted person who just wanted to do the right thing. And he had never met her. Another lawyer wanted to talk to my h alone so that he could get the "real" story and all the juicy facts about the affair that he was sure my husband wouldn't share with me. We said no thanks. Then we found our guy. We told him right from the beginning that h wouldn't even speak to him without me present, and that if he wasnt prepared to treat us as a team, he could just forget about the whole thing. he said he would do that, but that we should expect to think of him as a real s.o.b. because he wasn't going to pull any punches, ever. In one conversation, he said to my h, "dont you know any better than to f*** a peice of s*** like that without protection?" After the first face to face meeting with ow, he said, "What the hell was the attraction there? She certainly didn't knock my socks off." I said jokingly, "If she had, I would have had to fire you." He said, "My job is to do right by you two, the only way I would screw her is in court, and that, we ARE going to do. As rough and uncouth as he sounds, I know that the majority of it is for my benefit, and God knows it helps. Honestly, I don't know how I would be able to stand these proceedings if I wasn't completely assured that we are his number one and only priority.

cd, i am also glad one of us has a decent lawyer. mine tried to tell me it was my job to open my heart to child and my husband would follow. like it was my decision. we can't afford to have a different attorney, so we are stuck. what a mess. but if it doesn't make any difference too much with the payments, i guess it doesn't matter. good luck with your case!<P>catnip, thanks.<P>flowerseed, we haven't got the mail notification yet, but i am sure it will come soon. i have to open it alone because hubby is not here. and like i could just lay it there on the table and not open it. curiosity killed the cat. well i am a cat. meow.<P>thanks again guys for listening and your input.<P>happy_girl<P>------------------<BR>happy_girl