For the last 2-3 years my mom (in her early fifties) has been involved in a relationship with a married man. At first I was so angry at her because she herself had gone through this triangle thing with my dad and OW(resulted in OC). My mom waited many years for him to come back to her which he never did then she started seeing this man whom I intensely dislike.<P>How do you resolve these feelings of anger towards your own parent? I am an adult yet when i think of the situtaion get taken back to my adolescent years and those feelings of abandonment. I still remember all the years of hating my dad for doing the same thing.<P> <BR>

It's tough to see our parents make asses of themselves and behave badly and do such stupid destructive things. <P>Whatever they do, however, has no reflection on you or takes away your value to them. They are wrong for what they have done and for what they are doing but there is nothing you can do about it.<P>You're an adult now and can voice your opinions to them and tell them how you feel and what you think of them and leave the rest for them to figure out.<P>I don't blame you for being angry and disgusted. I know I would be, too. But until your Mother realizes what an [censored] she is making of herself, you can't stop a runaway train. Just pray for her that God will give her courage and strength to leave that situation and give her the desire to do so.<P>I don't have any advice because I have never been through this. I can only go on how I 'think' I would handle it; and that would be with sensitive confrontation. <P>I am sorry you are so upset over this...I certainly can understand why, but it is her mess and I would think all you can do is voice your opinion and then distance yourself from it and focus on your own life so it doesn't make you crazy. Perhaps you removing yourself from her while she is in the midst of the affair will make her realize how wrong she is...I don't know.<P>Anyone else have an opinion on this?<P>Catnip =^^=

Macy, all relationships are hard in different ways. Never are they perfect and what we hope they will be. Parents have issues with kids. Wives with husbands. Brothers & sisters. It just goes on & on. I know you are aware of that.<P>The issue is that your mom is handleing her situation in a manner that is inappropriate. She is doing something that could be harmful to others and she knows it. She has been there on the "other" side. That is hurtful, to know that she was the recipient of so much hurt and now she is doing the same thing that caused so much hurt to her. That just doesn't seem sane does it?<P>I agree with Catnip. All you can do is simply state your issues to her. Not in a mad, condemming manner. But in a calm way just tell her that you cannot condone her actions. You don't mention how old you are, or if you have children. I for one would NOT let my children see grandma if she was setting this example. You may want to ask her if she would be ok with someone setting this example in front of her grandchildren. Maybe that will bring her back to a rational way of viewing what she is doing.<P>I am sure your mom is lonely. She sounds like she spent a good portion of her life waiting on your dad to come to his senses. I am sure that left her drained. Easy pickings for the first clod who comes along and smiles at her. How crappy. Not to excuse her behavior. But I can see that happening. Maybe you could also tell her how concerned you are for her and the fact that she will STILL be alone in the future, since this man is married. Maybe she would even go to counseling. <P>You cannot make this anger go away. But you also cannot let it harm you. Put it in it's place and realize that you would have the same feelings of anger if a co-worker was doing this behavior. Write both your parents up as emotionally damaged people. And PLEASE don't take that damage on for yourself. That is the legacy they have both set for you, but you do NOT have to accept it. I am sure you feel so betrayed. All I can offer is to try and see them both for who they are and nothing more. We are all just people. Some live up to the challenge of living life a little better than others do. Your parents are both self-centered and only look to what makes them feel good about themselves. Once you accept that and expect no more of them, you can hopefully get over the anger. Just remember, even though they are your parents they will always consider themselves forst. Even in regards to you. It is painful, but sometimes you just have to accept that and learn to handle the relationship in a manner that is "safe" for you.<P>I am so sorry for you. Please take care of yourself. Carolyn