It's been a while since I have posted here. Here's the situation, my W has received some pretty upsetting emails from my mother, especially since I had talked with my father about the relationship between my W and mother. This latest one has quite upset my W, and I need to know if you have any advice as to how I can eloquently tell my mother to butt out of our lives at this point of our recovery. Not to stay away, just to stop pushing about how we, and my W in particular, are dealing with the A's and pregnancy. For those of you not familuar with the situation, my W is Tigger4jdt. Any advice, or even sample letters are very welcome.<P>Thanks<P>Jeff<BR><P>------------------<BR>For God so loved the world that he gave...

hey sailorman, i know it will be hard, but i am so proud of you for planning to talk to your mother about this. i can see why tigger loves you. i would just politely explain to your mother that you and tigger are adults, you have both made mistakes in the past and you are both working together to save your marriage. that you know that she is only getting involved because she loves you, but that you both prefer to deal with this situation on your own. thank her for loving you and wanting to protect you, but remind her you are a big boy and can and have made your own decisions. <P>good luck, and i hope catnip will be along soon. i know she can think up some wonderful ways to tell her. and where is heavenly? she could too.<P>happy_girl<P><BR>here is my attempt at a letter. let me warn you, i am terrible at writing letters, but just some ideas.<BR>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++<P>dear mom,<P>i know how hurt you probably are for me. you are a mom and it is normal to hurt when your children hurt, and to be protective of them. but it is also important to let them make their own decisions. you raised me, and did a good job. now you must let me make the decisions in life that affect me. <P>i love tigger very much. she is my wife, the mother of my children, my life. she made a mistake. so have we all. my decision is to stand by my wife and save this marriage. i am going to do everything in my power to protect tigger and the child she is carrying, who will in my heart be my child. i am willing to accept this child as my own, and whether or not you can right away is up to you. i am asking that you accept my decision. that you put a little trust in the son you raised. <P>tigger and i have decided that this situation is between us, and us alone. we want to work on it together, and we would appreciate it if everyone would let us work this out. right now, we are focusing on us, and our family and i want to ask you to please not discuss this with tigger or i further. as the saying goes, if we want help, we will ask. please respect our decision. and i thank you for loving me, but i know what i am doing.<P>your son,<P>sailorman<BR><p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited January 31, 2001).]

Excellent Happy Girl! This is very good advise Sailorman. I think you could take the letter exactly as it is and send it. It is compassionate towards your mother's concern for you as a son, yet it states exactly what position you have taken concerning your marriage and asks that you respect that position.<P>I don't know why you talked to your dad about the relationship between your W and your mother. Not sure what their relationship is like nor what insight you thought you would gain from discussing it with him. You may want to go directly to your mom on that issue also. Just tell her you were mistaken in discussing with your dad and you would like to talk with her about it. But again, I must have missed any posts about what is going on with that relationship (between W and mother). This advice may be off target. <P>Take care... Carolyn

Happy Girl preempted me this time and I couldn't say it better. Happy Girl should work for the diplomatic corps.<P>Catnip =^^=

carolyn and catnip. wow, coming from 2 women whose comments i always admire, i am blushing. thanks. <P>sailorman, good luck with finding the right way to talk to your mom. HI TIGGER!!!<P>happy_girl