It's been a while since I last posted here. Have been reading just have not post. It's been since Sept. that I found out about my husband affair. To tell the truth things has not got any better There is still so much hurt and anger in me for what he has done. I don't know if it's because I know to much or what. It seems whenever I try to move on with our life emotions come in like a flood.Sometimes I think if it is worth it to stay in this marriage. I been married for 11 years, 3 sons. The baby he is having with her is due in March on my birthday. I don't know how to move on from what he did. When I look at him all I see is what he has done to me and him with her. No matter what he does or what he says I don't receive it. Every since that happen I don't look at myself the same, I won't get undress in front of him, I don't look in the mirror, I get dressed in my closet. I really don't know how to move on from feeling empty no self-esteem at all. Regardless of how many times he re-assure me he will never do that again I can't receive it. I feel if i let my guard down I am subject to that again. How do you stay with someone you don't trust and don't know if he will do it again. How do you stay with some one that you put so much into the marriage and in return this is what you get in return. I gave so much to this marriage. I never ask him for anything whatever I wanted or whatever we needed I didn't pressure him about it I made away myself to do. I can't forget how he treated me when he was in the affair with her. How he put her first before me. It's hard to accept that he shared his life with someone else for 6 months. Regardless of how I tried durning that time I could not please him. Now I find myself being so short with him. How do I get past the anger and the hurt that I feel to go on to save and heal my marriage please help.....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I can't forget how he treated me when he was in the affair with her. How he put her first before me. It's hard to accept that he shared his life with someone else for 6 months. Regardless of how I tried durning that time I could not please him<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bless,that is how I feel. It's been 2 mos. since he confessed. He's cried with me and let me know how he loves me. <BR>he's sent me loving cards.<P>It's rough, and I know about the "flood" of emotions.<P>I am about to try an antidepressant, not for him but for me. When I do I'll let you know how it goes.<P>We still counsel too. Please do if you don't now. <P>Honey the floods come but I try to shut up because of his remorse, because he begged me in the begining to please TALK to him. I don't know too much. I know enough though. And I remember the "meaness" and I felt like you. Totally confused.<P>I hate that. It's not like that now. He's kind again for the most part.<P>Reach inside dear bless, see if you can FORGIVE not forget.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

bless like job, i think you are still very early in your recovery. things are still so fresh, the pain so powerful. it takes time, and still sometimes it will catch me off guard. as you probably know, we are 4 years into recovery on the affair, i still obsess about it sometimes. even though i know what happened, i think, HOW? WHY? i could never do that... but it has lessened. the sting wears off, slowly, but it does. at least for me it did. <P>as for your self esteem, you need to work on that. maybe get a counselor? remind yourself everyday about all your good qualities. that you are smart, beautiful and deserve to be loved. you have to love yourself, in my opinion, to love others and feel loved. work on you. give yourself some attention, pamper yourself. you need to feel happy inside.<P>good luck, and god bless you on your journey to finding love for yourself.<P>happy_girl<P>

Dear blessed,<BR>First, you need to remember that in your husband's eyes, YOU are the most beautiful woman on earth. Regardless of what he did with ow, he married you. he did not make a lifelong commitment to her. With you, he felt an attraction so deep and real that he wanted to unite his very soul with you. Remember that an affair is not really about attraction to the ow, it is about selfishness and unmet needs. All your h did with her is what teenagers are doing in backseats across the nation. Do you think that all teenage boys think that the girls they are screwing are drop-dead gorgeous? of course not. You got "I do." She got "Wham bam thank you maam." The two cannot even be compared. My husband says that now he is sickened at the thought that he was ever intimate with the ow. Yours will be too. Believe this.<BR>Second, I cannot begin to tell you how important antidepressants are. You have to be able to heal, and your emotions rightnow will not let you do so. this is in part a very natural chemical response to the situation. Combat it any way you can and do not allow yourself to think that you are weak in any way for taking the needed medication. If your leg was broken, you wouldn't think twice about taking pain pills. Do what you must for your broken heart.<BR>Third, I cannot tell you that the pain ever totally goes away, but God WILL help you to heal over time. It used to be that I thought about the A every single minute of every single day. Now hours can slip by without me thinking of it. In time that will become whole days. Remember that God is crying because you, his child, has been hurt. Allow him to take on some of your pain. God has mighty big shoulders. We as humans do not. It will get better. I am four years into recovery and every day is just a little easier, I promise you.<BR>-Donna