I have posted here several times before. To refresh your memory, H has been having affair for almost 1 year. Several times, H told me affair was over, but I would later find out that wasn't the case.<P>The latest time I found out was after Thanksgiving. H told me that he hadn't had any contact with OW for about a month. Then, sometime in October OW called and told H that she was pregnant and that it was his. OW told H that she didn't want anything she just thought he would like to know. When I found out and confronted H, he told me he didn't tell me because he thought this would be the last straw and I would leave him for good.<P>H told me that weekly he was taking groceries to OW because she does not work and did not have any food. H told me that he didn't care if she starved, but because baby could be his, he wanted baby to be healthy.<P>H told me that he wanted to get custody of baby. I was so upset after finding out OW was pregnant and I told H daily that I prayed baby wasn't his. About 1 week later, H told me baby wasn't his. That because of due date, it couldn't be his. <P>Then, on X-Mas, H told me that baby was his. He said they had dna test. After crying alot, H admitted that he didn't know whether baby was his. He said he just told me it was to prepare me for the possibility that it was his. He said before he thought the possibility was so remote because they used protection, that he could stop me from worrying by telling me it wasn't his. Then, he said he knew that he had to prepare me for the possibility that it was his.<P>Two weeks ago, H told me that baby died. According to H, OW was not eating right and had some problem with her thyroid. Anyway, the baby was very underdeveloped and the doctors said they had to take baby. According to H, the whole mess was finally over.<P>Since then, H has admitted to me that he had mixed emotions about baby dying. He said he was both sad and glad. He also said that he feels like crap because he wished for baby to die.<P>I have not heard from H since Wednesday morning. He said he needed to get everything into perspective. H told me that is positive he wants to be with me, but with his emotional state the way it is, he just can't work on us.<P>I'm worried that H is with OW. I don't know whether baby is really dead. I know that would be sick for H to say, but maybe he was trying to make me stop worrying. I know that I have been awful to be around. I'm not mean to him, but I usually always cry and constantly ask for reassurance that he loves me and wants to be with me.<P>H also told me prior to telling me that the baby died that he thought about telling me that it was over between us until after the baby was born and he found out for sure whether it was his because he knew that this was tearing me apart.<P>I am sure that H will be at work tomorrow. My question is should I contact him or wait for him to contact me? I miss him so much. I was talking to my mom, sister, and cousin for support, but they are sick and tired of his lies. Now, I wonder whether he even loves me. He got me a really nice card for X-mas that said I was and always will be the love of his life. He wrote in that "more true words have never been spoken." How could he tell me that and then do this to me?

I'm sorry, I forgot to say that H told me that he couldn't tell me it was over because he was afraid I would find someone else until baby was born and he could find out whether it was his.

Whew! I'm exhausted just reading this! Sounds like your H needs to either get his lies together and stick to them, or better yet...STOP LYING AND BE A MAN AND TELL THE TRUTH! You say you're worried that H may be with OW...well did he say where he's staying? I'm confused, you said first that H told you he'd had DNA test and it was his, then you said he said he was afraid you'd find someone else while you all awaited for baby to be born until they could determine if baby was his?? And you say you think H may have just told you that baby was dead to stop you from worrying?? Dolphin...if all of this sounds confusing and smells "rotten" to me, I can't imagine what it must feel like to you. First of all the worse thing that your H can do is continue to lie to you, especially if he wants your marriage to work out and if he loves you. You have to find out the truth, whatever it is and decide how you're going to deal with it. He's already betrayed you by becoming involved with OW, how many more lies is he going to tell? You say he's concerned about HIS emotional state? What about yours? Look, obviously you still love your H very much. I understand that. I never stopped loving mine either. But don't forget about your needs. And you NEED the truth from him. Finding out the truth and dealing with it is the first step towards healing yourself and your marriage (only if your H really wants to). Hopefully he does. But it sounds like there are other issues going on here with him. I'm just curious why he waiting until Christmas day to tell you that baby was his. Anyway, if it were me, I'd want to know what's really going on. The words in the card are nice, but actions speaks volumes louder than words. To answer your question about if you should contact him or not. Well, I think you should do whatever you need to in order to get some resolution. I'd insist on the truth and I'd want to know where he's staying. You don't say if you two have children together or not. Good luck and God bless.<P>Comfort<P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...