Just as a by-product of all this stuff with my marriage, I have noticed an odd type of isolation. Maybe it is self-imposed. I am just wondering if anyone else senses this.<P>The issue is that I don't really feel comfortable going places with my H on a social basis. Since we are basically separated, it seems foolish to try and go out with friends and pretend to be a couple. He doesn't want to tell anyone about the separation, since he feels that once the OW "goes away" from our lives he will be moving back home. So no one really is aware of us trying to recover our marriage. He really isn't working on marriage right now anyway. He is focusing on making OW think she doesn't want him any more (that is a whole other post that I am sure some of you recall). <P>I don't feel like I can really socialize as a single person either. Not single as in dating other men, but single as in just a single mother. The women I know raising children by themselves are divorced. They all think I am still married, which I basically am. I just don't fit there.<P>So I spend all my time with the children. I am spending LOTS of time at church, since that is a place where there are no issues with being married or single. Folks there have never really known my husband & just presume he isn't a church person. Seems like that is common in churches, so easy to fit in. This isn't bad, just getting a little "one dimensional". I don't feel very well rounded these days. <P>Just curious if anyone else is struggling with this. Thanks... Carolyn

I felt this when we were separated.Especially since my H lived a mile away with the ow.I didn't want to run into them.I spent a lot of time with my family in my hometown. I always dreaded coming home. Now ow lives a hour and a half away. my h and I have been back together for 2 years. <BR> Anyway,I never quite got you h's reasoning for moving out until ow gets the message.Why can't just give her the message out right and then you can move on with the reconciliation?

TC,<BR>Oh, do I!! My W just had OC last week at 2lbs. 8 oz., which will be in the hospital for at least 2 months. The most difficult thing out of all of this, which I didn't even think about, is the kind people who mean well, but have no idea what is going on. What I mean is that all these people know about the baby and they congratulate me and wonder how the baby is doing, asking all kinds of questions, and I just sit there and smile and try not to let the hurt show. I feel like just blurting out "THE BABY IS NOT MINE..MY WIFE HAD AN AFFAIR!!!!". But I don't do that. I fake everything so that my W won't look bad. The worst part is that I am lying through my teeth for my WS..I have no idea how the OC is doing except through what I hear from my D. I am Plan B'ing and haven't spoken to my W since OC's birth. I feel so much better now that I have been in Plan B for 6 wks...the first couple of weeks were hard, but the highs are more frequent than the lows now. TC, I hope your H isn't playing you for the fool, it sounds like he is just milking this whole situation until you put your foot down. I will pray for your situation.<BR>Floored

Blue, he is scared she will go to the job and force a sexual harrasement suit and cost him his job. She works for him in a large company. They will most likely fire him and cut her a check for big dollars just to make it all go away, even though she could in no way prove harrasement, since she willingly participated. So in his weird thinking, he has moved out so she will feel they had their fair chance at a relationship & she will see what an a**hole he is and go pursue a relationship with another man. Very convoluted thinking... I know. <P>Thanks for letting me know this isolated thing happened to others. Thanks... Carolyn <p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited February 05, 2001).]

Floored, I am begining to really distance myself from him. I don't think he would try to play too many games with me anymore, not intentionally at least. But he gets such a convoluted way of looking at things and justifying stuff to himself, that I am sure he is still doing things he shouldn't do, but in his mind it is ok. I just don't think I want to live with that type of person any more. <P>I could not imagine being in your position and having folks do congratuations, etc. All the while knowing that she is still seeing OM. You are truely in a "no mans land". I am glad Plan B is paying off for you and you are feeling better. That is the goal. You deserve to be ok and not have her actions drain you. Maybe she will start coming around.<P>Take care... Carolyn