how are you handling the OC? i do love my h with all my heart and soul, that is why i'm trying so hard. we talk about this everyday to make sure that there are no secrets or new problems. h has been very good with telling how he feels and he keeps telling me that we are going to be stronger than ever. i want to believe him and i do but there is always this nagging in the back of my mind telling me to be very careful because this could all be more lies. this is what i'm struggling with now. i tell my h and he seems to understand but keeps assuring me that he is where he wants to be and he's not going anywhere. he says that in time i will be able to trust him again because if it's the last thing he does he will get that back. i told him that i'm trying but it's very hard to do. he looked at me and once again told me, "I have all the time you need because I'm not going anywhere." i know what you mean about the tax returns, that's how we are going our weekend get away. h has rented us a cottage in the mountains, on his own and said that this will be the start of a new beginning for us. i sure hope and pray that it will. thanks for your response.

the OC creates mixed feelings in me. in one way i know she has no choice in the matter and didn't ask to be here. in the other she's a constant reminder of the betrayal. I have come to terms with it though. it helps that the OW refers to me as the OC's "other mother" and encourages me to be open to love her. I also look at my husband's feelings if he did deny the child. how would he feel when the OC comes knocking on is door in 16 years and wants to know why he didn't love her. that would break his heart. and i wouldn't want him to resent me 16 years after we've healed because i kept him from her. in order for us to heal as a couple i HAVE to accept his child if he wishes to accept her. or else we will be delaying the inevitable resentment in our marriage.<P>i feel lucky that my husband too has recommitted himself to me and our marriage. he buys me a rose a day. he says it symbolizes our committment on a daily basis. He says it feels good every day when he goes to buy it because it reminds him how much he loves me and how badly he wants us to work. <P>as far as worrying about lies. you need to let that worry go and just committ to yourself what you will do if he does end up lying to you again. if you dwell on whether or not he's being honest every day you will continue to keep the wall between you and him. like they say in alcoholics anonymous : LET GO AND LET GOD.<P>that's what i've done. it is sooooo hard at first, but i have a peace inside not struggling with it everyday. And ultimately that's what i want for myself: Peace.<P>another AA quote: God grant me the serinity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.<P>those two get me through everyday.<P>I wish you the best with your recovery. Keep praying and keep coming here. It's so theraputic to talk to others in your same boat. if you want to email me with something private: bosslaydn@aol.com<P>zebra baby

Lost 24 & Zebrababy:<P>You are both relatively early in your recoveries from what I have read, but you both have the desire to recapture what was lost. <P>I know you have trust issues, doubts and fears to address. In time, after your husbands have had ample opportunity to prove to you their renewed commitment to you and your marriages, you will reap the rewards for fighting the good fight.<P>A cottage in the mountain and a rose a day are meaningful gestures from your husbands, telling you how important you are to them and how badly they want their lives back, their marriges back. <P>You're on your way, block by block. Each block of trust on top of the next block of trust until you have constructed a firm foundation for you to feel secure again. <P>Be patient, L & Z, and be grateful you have the opportunity to recommit, renew, restore and rediscover.<P>Catnip =^^= <P>