Thank you both for the encouraging words. I am trying to stay strong and keep fighting but there are daily doubts and thoughts that I'm trying to deal with. I have thought about going to my Dr. and seeing if he would let me get back on Zoloft. I was on it after my 11 was molested. Staying up nights w/her and not getting any rest and the emotional hell was more than I could handle and be of use to her. She needed me sane more than I needed it for myself. I am trying not to dwell on the lies and lost trust but it's just hard as h---. I seem to have more trouble when h is away on a trip. He knows that I get depressed and my thoughts run away with me so he calls about every hour to talk to me and tell me he loves me and he'sthinking and mising me. H seems to really be trying and I want so much to believe him. He has been patient with me and my feelings. He realizes how much pain he has put me through and promises to never do that to me again. He wants to look in my eyes and see the love and light that he use to see instead of the pain and emptiness that he sees now. When he told me that I thought maybe he has finally opened his eyes and seen the devestation his affair has caused us. I just hope this is the begining and not more lies.<P>------------------<BR>lost24

Lost, I know this isn't my thread and i hope you excuss me for jumping in. <P>Please go on back to the dr and get something prescribed for yourself. It will help with the wild thoughts and "over thinking". I was doing that too. Sometimes I didn't even realize how much it had taken over. Then I couldn't give all I needed to give to the children. <P>I am not usually one to advocate medication, but there are times when things just get to be too much. Take care... Carolyn

Yet, on the other hand, feeling the full force of the pain and dealing with it could help you get through it faster. It did for me but then I am probbaly a mascochist! hahaha<P>As individuals, we each know our threshhold of pain and what we can endure. If medication is an option for you and could ease some of your trauma, then give it a go, as long as it doesn't dull your senses.<P>I don't believe your husband is lying, Lost. He sounds like my husband in what you have said. In my husband, the remorse, regret, dedication is real...and I am basking in it. I suggest you do the same when you can. It feels wonderful. I realize you are in the early stages and I am over two years into recovery, but if he is consistent, you will feel as I do in time.<P>Catnip =^^=

taking care, thank you for the input. any help is appreciated. i'm not sure about the med. but i do know that i have been getting very depressed lately. it has started to become noticeable to my g's and i do not want them worring about me. i snap at them for the smallest things and they don't deserve any of my problems. i'm still considering it. I do know that from past use of it, it helped with the sudden outbursts and the uncontrolling crying. i just don't want my g's concened about any of this. they deserve better and just to be liitle girls and not cocerned w/grown up problems. <P>------------------<BR>lost24

i agree with the other comments above. take this time to bask in the efforts your husband is making to cater to your emotional needs. try to dwell in the love he is showing you. if you continue to push his efforts away he may feel like all efforts are hopeless and stop trying. that would be the worst case senario towards a healing for the both of you. believe me, your response to his remorse and efforts helps him heal as well. don't shut him out now. your communication and love is what is going to pull you guys through this. if meds help i think you should take them. you're husband needs you and you need him. you're girls need you two together and healed. DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO ENCOURAGE THE HEALING. you don't want to look back at this time with regret that you didn't give it your all. if he's giving it his all, so should you.<P>I hope our support is helping make you strong. Please email me if you need to.<P>Zebra Baby