I just spoke with a cs counselor. Turns out that if I do file for cs, h can file to have ow's support modified (reduced) and they will have to do it because in this state it doesn't matter who filed first...all children get equivalant amounts that may total 50%of h's pay, but no more than that. by our guidelines, i alone am entitiled to about 40%, which would make ow's claim significantly lower. So that is good news. I'm still going to wait until visitaiton has been established because one of ow's sore spots is me and I don't want to give her any cause to request that the judge not allow child around me. As long as we are married and together, she can't even contest us having visitation together. if she had proof that we were "separated" she would use it, definitely.<BR>But if was talking to a friend who worries that if we claim separation and provide cs officials with different addresses (which we have to do in order for me to even file), we could be charged with fraud if they ever found out that we are indeed living together. Does anybody know anything about that? I certainly don't want to get nailed on fraud charges. We are not using any sort of government assistance for anything so there is no danger of welfare fraud, or whatever they call that.

You hit the nail on the head about public assistance. If the OW or OC is on assitance and for some reason they decide that what you are doing (filing CS for you children) is somehow making the state pay more money to the OW, well I guess at that point someone might come after you for some type of fraud. But unless there is state aid involved, the state does not care. No one does. <P>I mentioned in another post about getting custody of my 10 yr old neice last month. No one was even asking me did I need assistance or did I want to file for CS from the child's father (my brother). They did not care. As long as I wasn't coming to the state asking for support, no one gives a rats behind what you do. <P>Just walk on eggshells if state ever gets involved. They just want to kae sure all those tax dollars you are paying don't go to support this child when you could be sending MORE money to the child via CS. What a system!<P>Take care... Carolyn

Even though my husband and I are divorced, we are still living together and the courts in NY know it. To explain this, we are claiming that we cannot afford two households and are living seperately within our home and are friends. They don't need to know we are living as we always have, in love, married in our eyes and doing what we always done. Screw em. <P>It isn't fraud when you are forced into doing what you must to protect yourself and your children. You aren't taking money out of her pocket, she is taking it out of yours. In fact, she stole from you the most precious thing in your marriage, your exclusivity, and now you are being forced to pay her for it, too. <P>To me, this is the greatest injustice of them all...that the OW didn't have the self respect and dignity to just erase herself from your life when she got knocked up and left to figure out how to support herself and her [censored] child in order to make amends to you for what she has done to you your marriage, your family. She didn't have the decency to take responsibility for her actions. She didn't have the decency to give the child up. Hell, she didn't have the decency not to screw a man she knew was married, she didn't have the decency to protect her body, she didn't have the decency, cd.<P>I am sick and tired of all of us feeling as though we have to walk on eggshells, not piss off the 'system', kowtow to the whoures who blatantly changed out lives forever not giving any consideration of how their actions would impact our lives and then being expected to pay her for the privilege of screwing our husbands, conceiving a child when that right belongs to us alone, and then holding us financially hostage for two decades. I mean, really. Think about it. Why are we and our children and our marriages forced to adjust because some opportunistic whoure decides she wants what she wants when she wants it and it is just too bad for us if we protest.<P>I am getting mighty indignant and enraged at the gross injustice and imbalance of the system and their blatant disrespect for our families and position of being the spouses who's lives are torn apart forever and these whoures are rewarded for their behavior.<P>To my detriment, I am going to make an awful lot of noise about this to the courts and the system. I am composing a letter I am sending to state representatives and congressment about this disgrace...for all the good it will do. But at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing I had my say.<P>Catnip =^^= Hiss, spit, hiss....<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited February 09, 2001).]

Catnip,<BR>Just reading your post brought a smile to my face. It is so nice to know that there are others that feel the exact same way I do.<BR>Has anyone here tried the ACLU ? They always claim that reproductive freedom is one of their biggest priorities. I wonder how they feel about a man's reproductive freedom.<P>Jtigger<p>[This message has been edited by Jtigger (edited February 09, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I wonder how they feel about a man's reproductive freedom.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>On to congress w/those words!!!! The best thing I've heard ...ever!!!<P>jtigger, you said it so well.<P>My H begged her to abort. Told her it would ruin many lives(it has). At least stay married and raise as THEIR own. But no she got moral somehow. Said only if something was wrong she'd abort! So she wasn't against abortion...just worried about HERSELF!!!!<P>UUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!<P> Debi

Unfortunately, there is a double standard with the ACLU. They are in tight with the National Organization of Women (NOW) who are only in your corner if you embrace their political agenda and if it is convenient for them. Before Clinton was president, the NOW gals stood behind every woman who got an itch to sue for sexual harassment. When Wild Bill started playing sex games with Monica, the NOW gals went mute. Remember?<P>Going to those two organizations would be an exercise in futility and you would not see justice prevail with them.<P>Catnip =^^=