Anthea,<BR>First of all there is a world of difference between accepting a child that was born before the marriage and living with the fact that there is a child born to another woman during your marriage. You can't even begin to compare the two. In fact, before I met my h, I was briefly engaged to a man who had a two year old daughter from a previous relationship. That didn't bother me at all, and I liked his d very much and was preparing to be a loving stepmother to her. Furthurmore, when his old gf decided that they should get back together and be a family for daughter's sake, I backed out of the picture and he subsequently married her. I was rewarded for this because shortly after I met my h, who is the love of my life. (I know that isn't applicable here, I just wanted to point out how totally different the two situations are.)<BR>As for your "gracious" and "charitable" decision to pay for all living expenses for you and om so that his money would go to w and children: If the ow had paid me 1 billion dollars for every single second she was with me husband, it still would not pay for the time she stole from me and our son. And as far as your attitude of righteous indignity goes, it seems to me that you didn't come here asking for help, you came here insulting us and questioning our right to feel injured by events we had no control of.<BR>Tigger4jdt, don't even begin to compare yourself to Anthea. Nobody else does. I would never even begin to say that you are like her.

anthea, its obnotious whore and for some if the shoe fits. If I would at the time when the sleeze went after my h realized that we woman are not all good as you seem to think then I wouldnt be in the place I am at now. If to be a woman I had to say we are all a like no diffrent then ow than I would NOT want to be a woman and you my dear are the one that needs to feel sorry for what you have done. flowerseed

anthea,<P>I still stand by what I have posted, as I am someone who has been on both sides of this issue!!! I have been betrayed, and have betrayed my H, with a MM, and which resulted in me getting pregnant. So, I can speak of the pain of betrayal. Although I am not dealing with the same pain the other women on this board are, I also do not criticize them for venting. NONE of us wishes to be here, but we all are, and support all the others, and wish to help each other heal through using our own experiences. <P>From your latest post, you really do not fit in here, as these children were conceived, and born before your H even met you. As CD said, unless you have conceived yourself from your A, you really don't belong here, as the situations are totally different. Before you judge what these women are doing, read their backgrounds!! The majority of their marriages are now stronger than they were before the A's, but they have been through he11 and high water to get there, and still have some "flooding" due to the insensitive courts to the first children of the marriage vs. the child born of a PA!!! Then there are the men, like my H, on this board, who are willing to raise this OC as his own. In our case, we hope the OM never finds out!! We have 2 other children, who we will have to explain this situation to at some point, and the OM/MM in this situation also has a child in his marriage(if he is still married). The last thing my H and I want to do is take any money from his D and wife, but if he decides to push the issue, we will take it that far, just to keep him away. He is a violent man, and has threatened my H, that is why we never want him to know about the child. <P>It angers and upsets me that you feel these women on this board are "horrible and awful" without really knowing them at all. Read their old posts, and you will get a better understanding to what they are going through compared to what you deal with. As for "paying to be with the OM" That seems to put him in the "gigalo" department, and you the female "john". Do you really think that helped your H or his W?? I am very repentant for what I did, but I don't look at ANYTHING I did during my A as being "helpful" to his D and W!! I know how much I hurt her, and wish I could appologize. But, I also realize that if I did, it would just bring up all the old pain again, and I would never do that. I am paying dearly for my mistake, but will love this child as I do my other children. She is the most innocent one in this problem, as my other children are. My H and I first looked at this pregnancy as our "punishment" for what we had done to eachother and our vows before God. There are still times we both feel that way, but are now looking forward to her birth in about a month. This board has helped both of us with questions, fears, and worries. We are all here to help, not hurt. If something seems a little cruel, and you don't know what that person has gone through up to that point, try to find their situation before you judge them, and what they have said or done. All these women have said that the OC is innocent, but does that give the greedy OW the right to take from their children and household? Some of these women have had to take drastic measures just to keep themselves and their children "safe", and sane. You can only imagine the he11 they have been through, and need to let them vent, rant and rave about the injustice of the CS laws.<P>I know that I am not concidered the OW by the others on this board, but I very well could be, and respect them and how they feel. Yes, sometimes, something they will say will hit me, but that is because I have been guilty of what these OW have done, to an extent. I would never want to put the W and D through what these women are going through!!!!<P>Thank you all for accepting me into this little "club" and for putting up with my rambling I hold all of you in the highest regard, and respect you for what you have been put through, and are going through. I pray for all of you, and your specific situations as the major ones come up. You have all helped me in countless ways, for which I could never repay. Again, you are some of the strongest women I have the privilage of knowing, even if it is just through the internet and boards. Thank you again.<P>Tigger<P>PS: CD, thank you for your kind words. I have never felt that you or anyone else has placed me in that catagory, but just that I could very well be place in with the other OW's. I have always felt welcome here, and hope to continue to make those that deserve it to feel welcome here as well.

anthea,<BR>A whore is a woman that is paid for sex.<BR>My husband will be paying this whore for sex for the next 14 years.<P>Jtigger

this is my last post to this website.<BR>none of my posts were meant as inflammatory, they were simply the truth.<BR>it's unfortunate that so many of you people feel that you have to be petty, vindictive, cruel to children and so closed off to life and love in order to save your marriages.<P>i'm sorry but at some point you will have to accept the fact that the OW or OM did not break the promises to you in your marriage, your H or W did. until you can, it's obvious that you can't discuss rebuilding your marriage in a constructive or meaningful way.<P>thankfully, i am honest about my part in my affair and as a result am able to rebuild my marriage. <P>unfortunately, sound like most of you and your h's and w's are living in a dream world where pointing fingers works better than waking up and smelling the coffee.<P>i will pray for the poor children that are the result of these marriages and affairs<BR>anthea

ant, your posts my be the truth as you see it. Dont let the mouse pointer hit you in the a**. flowerseed

anthea:<P>No one here is being cruel to children except the selfish OW's who keep children from being adopted into loving, stable two parent families by keeping them and subjecting them to a life of welfare and not having a father or the advantages other children have. To me, THIS is cruelty. <P>I should not have to pay for these willful actions from a predatory woman who has ruined my joy forever and cast a pall on everything in my life, yet, you call me 'cruel' to children because I don't want to.<P>Well, I RAISED my husbands two children from his previous marriage for nearly 15 years, so I guess this exempts me from your definition of being "petty and vindictive" because I do not choose to raise another child or have anything to do with the constant reminder of the worst possible thing that has ever happened to me. This is the job of the OW to contend with her choice to keep the kid. No one else wanted it or asked to have it in their lives. We were not consulted. I was not consulted when she screwed my husband.<P>Maybe the OW didn't make any pronmises to me, but there is such a thing as character, dignity and a 'sisterhood' that should be respected and prevent women from screwing men they know are married and protect their bodies from getting knocked up and causing the innocent parties heartache and turmoil and their pockets picked by grasping predators looking for a meal ticket.<P>And, hell yes, I am bitter...and I make NO apologies for it. Pointing the finger at the opportunists who intrude themselves into my life, my history, my finances is something anyone in this position should do in an attempt to draw attention to this evil practice of rewarding the OW for phucking MM.<P>Catnip =^^===<P>

Trust me you guys. Shes not going anywhere. She will just come back using a different name. She has already ran me off one board, I'm not going to let her do it again.<BR>That sign off speech of hers is the same one she used on the other board.<P>Jtigger<p>[This message has been edited by Jtigger (edited February 11, 2001).]

Tigger, I think she was just here not to long ago it seems to be the same one. I thought that right from the start. So sad when women have to stup so low. Was she dumped by a married man? There is no way she will run anybody off this site. with love flowerseed

Anthea (or whatever name you're going to go by next),<BR>Save your sympathy for the poor sap you are married to. He's going to need it far more than we are.

Ladies... I missed this thread since I wasn't on computer all weekend. All I can say is... BRAVO! You all speak well for us. <P>Tigger and Catnip... you both wrote the response I would have thrown in to this. Thanks. As a mother, I feel it is my role in life to fend off predators from my young. That includes OW who knew my H was married and had met my two boys. So if I don't cling to her and put her and her child first... well I just don't think I am supposed to and I will not feel shamed into doing so by someone throwing out comments in the wind. I have more integrity than to be backed into a corner by every shadow on the wall. I think all of you are in the same position and have shown your integrity over and over again. <P>Take care... Carolyn

Anthea,<P>I AM one of the OW that gave birth to an OC, and I have to say that the ladies here have legitimate concerns. If you want to look at it from the perspective of the "child advocate", who protects the children of the marriage? The OW? I think not. The majority of OW knowingly get involved with a MM and then CHOOSE to have a child born of a relationship that really should never have taken place. The OW has an obligation to protect her child. It is a rare OW that will concern herself with the children of the marriage she interfered with. Therefore, the BS's FIRST and FOREMOST responsibility is to HER children, and not the child of another. I CHOSE to have my son, and his father, despite his many faults, insists on supporting him. His assistance is welcome, but I was prepared to care for my child on my own. That was my duty. As his mother, my child is my FIRST priority. I believe that is how it should be for ALL mothers, OW and BS alike. So, if I was able to provide a good home and descent lifestyle for my child, I would be furious and outraged if that was wrested from my child to provide for another. Lowering the living standard of one child (to poverty level) in order to raise the living standard of another is not acceptable. You wanna talk about "poor, innocent children"? What about the innocent children of the marriage? I agree that fathers/mothers should be legally, morally, and financially responsible for the children they bear, but one child's needs should not supercede the needs of another. I don't know about you, but I would certainly be bitter if I had to watch my children live a sub-standard lifestyle. How would you feel if food was taken out of your child's mouth and given to another? Believe it or not, that IS what it has come down to for some of the ladies on this board. It's a pretty sad day when you're reduced to getting food stamps to make ends meet. To a certain extent, child support is a necessary evil. However, I firmly believe that the CS judgements being handed out are a little ridiculous. Any guesses as to how much I COULD have gotten for my son? $800, 1/2 of daycare, full medical and dental coverage, and 1/2 of all uninsured medical expenses...for ONE child! Don't you think that's a bit much? After all that, my son's father would have been left with less than half of his net monthly income.<P>Your insistence that your H be responsible for his OC is commendable, but how much are you willing to sacrifice for the OC? How much are you willing to take away from your children?<BR>

Anthea<BR>Your situation is not at all the same as the women that I have read that post here.<BR>Your h oc was prior to your knowing him or your marriage. <BR>That in no way is the same as OC fathered during marriage. Your opinion of the reaction of W shows you have not been here or can't/won't accept the devastation that the W and family experience.<BR>Your assumption that women are so good and don't deserve the titles associated with their actions is the view point of OW in my opinion.<BR>The OW is my situation has mailed me an invitation and BC for OC. <BR>OW will not receive a dime of my income.<BR>As far as obligation that was owed from my H you are right. <BR>It is so strange you don't apply that I have no obligation to OW or her child.<BR>What works for you is fine but from my perspective not a dime of my income will go to OC and you or anyone else that does not approve so be it.<BR>The OW in this case was aware of W and 2 children and went through with the baby trap.<BR>It was a gamble that she lost.<BR>She has now created a monthly payment for H.<BR>His decision not mine but I am not willing to be stepmom to OC so financial obligation will be all she receives. For those that don't agree/like this decision all I can tell you is your decision is right for you and yours. Our decision is right for me and mine.<BR>One other thing I guess the OW was concerned with innoccent c while she was seeing MM and when she decided to have her own HUH

Hi all,<BR>I have been away from the forum...I went to Disney and had a ball meeting Mickey Mouse and now I come back and meet up with Goofy (anthea)!!!<P>Girl if you want to continue to post and continue to make a fool of yourself then do so but this is OUR HOUSE and you are not invited here so please get to steppin'<P>Girls I love you all...I couldn't stop cracking up with some of these remarks...they were right on!!!

LeeLee"<P>So glad you're back and had such a great time. Every now and then we get someone like anthea on this site. But not to worry; she actually provides a very therapeutic service availing herself to us. We are able to pretend she is our OW and mouth off accordingly. <P>Catnip =^^=