I have been having some very bad days. I am still working on my Plan B letter, but sometimes I think that I should send divorce papers instead. When I had a session with Jennifer, she told me to be patient; that H would be back. I feel like my future is so uncertain. Even if our marriage had problems, at least there was some stability.<P>Even if H decides that he wants me, I don't know if I will be able to get over everything that he has done to me. I just don't understand why the unborn OC is more important than me. After 10 years of marriage, that hurts so much.<P>Well, I guess that is enough venting.

Dolphin, I am so sorry. The bad days do seem to come and go, but when they are here it can be overwhelming. <P>Stability was always a big issue for me. I cam from a very unstable childhood and I guess that is a big fear for me. I put up with a lot of craziness in an attempt to maintain stability. I guess I am still putting up with nonsense in that same effort. <P>I would be willing to bet that you could get over what has happened if your H was repentive about it. That is a big issue in gaining trust and respect back. I am sure that will come. <P>I think one other post about what men thought they could give OC touched on the subject of them making decision as to which party was probably strong enough to "survive" without them. That is wasn't about who they loved more, it was about which place they felt most needed and who was strong enough to go on without them. MAybe this is one reason your H is holding OC as important. Just a guess. <P>Take care of yourself please. Life shouldn't be a struggle. It is a gift from God and the folks who take it so lightly and mess it up with all this unhappiness (by leaving marriages, etc.) are just really missing the point and throwing their lives away. Enjoy yours, even on dark days. Carolyn

Dolphin,<BR>I know what you are going through and so do so many others here. It will get better, just not right now. This heartache and pain you are going through seems to be a necessary evil that all of us have been through. Some cases are more severe than others, but all are very painful. I don't know when your D-day was, but it's been 5 1/2 months since mine and I am doing so much better. OC was born 2 wks ago but I haven't had the feelings I thought I would..I even told my W that I wanted her and OC to come home and that I loved them. You are going to be fine, and don't let the devil lead you to think otherwise. The 5 1/2 months hasn't all been bad, in fact once I started plan B, things gradually got better and that was 1 1/2 months ago. If you get down, come here and express your pain, I know that I check several times a day to see what is happening on this board and I'm sure others do the same. You won't go long without a response, especially one like "Lonely and Afraid"!! You'll get a lot of advice on this thread! Hang in there, you'll be fine, with or without your WS/H.<BR>Floored

Dolphin, <P>Something Floored said struck me, and reminded me of part of the sermon at church yesterday. Our pastor is preaching on the "Rhythm of Life" and was talking about keeping joy in your life. One of his phrases was that if your life belongs to God, the devil can't take that away, so he attacks other aspects of that life. He can't take away a marriage formed by, and infront of God, but he can take the joy out of that marriage. Same with your job, and raising your children. If you look for the joy, even in the hard times, you are screwing up what the devil is trying to do to you. I'm not saying it is easy, but it is something to think about. Stick with the Plan B before you move on to divorce. It has worked for so many people here. Don't give up so easily, that is what the devil is hoping you will do. He is only happy when those following God aren't. Let's ruin his day/life for once.<P>Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now. Hope it helped even a little.<P>Tigger