Leelee:<P>So, you want to be my flowergirl? I don't know, Leelee...your beauty would outshine the bride! Hahaha.<P>I know you've been lighting candles for me...probably bonfires...but I am going to ask that you keep doing it. We are experiencing another snag. <P>The management at the company my husband works for is trying to get him to quit or are trying to fire him. They have put him on suspension again for not being in uniform. He wasn't in uniform because when they had suspended him the first time, he missed the uniform man who picks up the dirty uniforms and didn't have any clean uniforms. They are just looking for something because of his workman's comp claim (that they denied anyway) when he torn the muscle in his back on November 3. The first time they suspended him, they investigated and couldn't find anything on him, try as they might. It's a witch hunt and we know this. All his checks are being garnished by child support anyway leaving us absolutely nothing to live on so, big deal.<P>But, not to worry. I am getting to the point where each and every trial presented sends me into peals of hysterical laughter...either I am loosing my shooter or I am indeed wearing life like a loose cloak. The adversities are not getting me down. It's almost as if I am thinking, "Well, at least they can't 'kill' me".<P>I have a request of you I will e-mail.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

catnip,<BR>you have been on my mind. I have 2 thoughts. One, can't you get the ch-support Officially reduced due to "significant change in circumstance"? Certainly losing the business and going bankrupt qualify! It should be based on his current income. I'm so sorry for your current circumstance; Lord, life's SO unfair!<P>The other thought is I think men's perspective on this changes when they are hit in the pocketbook; that is often their source of self-esteem--their ability to provide for their families. My H is acutely aware now how much of his income is NOT going to us due to his mistake. (I remember reading that a man would not be offended by a male pin-up calender, but he would feel inadequate looking at a poster of a guy who makes more! Women are sensitive about looks, men their income.) Anyway, in light of your H's income problems and it being the fault of his affair, it's no wonder his esteem is in the can. Mayb this was obvious already and I'm behind the curve here. It would be good for him to recognize his entire worth as a person isn't tied to his work. (At least he is repentent and not being a jerk anymore! But it is hard to see our lovies in pain)<P>Angel wings flying your way!<BR>J<BR>

<BR>Jenny,<P>Catnip's case is pending review right now. There is no doubt this is a change of circumstances beyond the obligor's control. The real question faced is what income the court will impute to her H. Certainly the court botched the first income assignment, and in doing so destroyed the cash flow that might have saved the family business. As her H has an unstable employment record outside of the family business (pardon my frankness, Catnip), imputing an income will not be easy. There's still a LOT of room for the court to screw things up.<P>Bystander

Jenny:<P>I just love it when Bystander answers for me-truly! I feel like I am being represented by an attorney. I love it. Makes me feel taken care of.<P>Bystander is right. We have gathered all the documentation of the events of the past two years and sent them onto the hearing officer. He received them a day before the last hearing which caused him to declare another hearing to be held March 16 where he will make new determinations. In the meantime, we are being garnished.<P>My husband's regrettable feelings of failure is something he will have to deal with. I will continue to be there and give him the forgivenss and kindness I can, and hopefully, in time he will be able to forgive himself. That's when his true healing will take place. He isn't there yet. I am sure it will be years before he is. It is a tough thing to watch.<P>I have to watch for 'comments' I sometimes make that have a negative effect. Sometimes I say things I shouldn't simply because I am in pain and can't hold it in another minute. I am not mean about it, or hurtful; I just speak up. While I am justified and this is OK and even encouraged, too much of it can have a negative impact on his healing. There is a balance I am looking for...a way to heal myself and get reasurrance and allowing him to heal and forgive himself.<P>Thanks, Jenny, for always being there. How are you doing, BTW?<P>Love, <P>Catnip =^^=

Carrie,<P>I totally agree with Catnip's comments about the H needing to recharge. The first time I expressed to my husband that he was "slacking off" in his efforts, told me exactly what Catnip said. He said it was exhausting to make the enormous effort every single day on top of life's other demands. He assured me that even though he's not showing a shower of affection his heart is in tact. And he continues to buy me a rose a day. So I too have to remind myself that everyday isn't going to be a honeymoon. some days are just regular marriage!<P>And Carrie, don't ever feel bad about venting here. I too try my best to balance what I vent to H and what vents come here. It's important that we don't beat our husbands when they are down. Instead we have to be supportive and encourage healing.<P><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

catnip,<BR>thanks for asking. Overall, things are going great. I'll be finished with my degree by the end of the year, homeschooling is going super-well, and the marriage is going well too! I shouldn't complain. We are managing to save a little money despite ch-support, but it is hard not to imagine all that we could do with that money if XOW had allowed us to have the child or given her up for adoption, either of which we'd prefer, both for ourselves and the child's sake (she has no decent future where she is). I still struggle with my resentment of XOW and eagerly awaiting a book on forgiveness I ordered. Most exchanges we have with her put me backwards emotionally (another email last week) and I am SO tired of losing ANY more peace of mind to her (like she hasn't stolen enough!)! Then I get grouchy and impatient... and tired of my own self. God help us all.

Hey Cat,<P><BR> You and your husband will be OK, you have endured so much, and you're still together! God bless you!!<P><BR> You are the toughest chick I've ever met, one of a kind!! My prayers are with you.<P> God bless you, <P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg