Are there any husbands here who's wives have a child, which resulted from a pregnancy during the affair?<P>Do you know for a fact that the child is yours?<P>Do you want to know?<P>Does it matter if its yours or his?<P>Assuming the child is his, how do you work visitation with the OM?<P>Assuming the child is yours, how do you work visitation with the OM?<P>Regardless whose child it is, is there any visitation between the child and the OM?<P>How does visitation go? <P>Does your wife go to see the OM alone with the child that your raising so that the child can be with his father?<P>What do I do?

I think that you need "K" to respond to this, and possibly "Sailorman." There may be others, too, I'm not sure. I can't help you much because that's not my situation, but you have definitely come to the right place. Those guys are fantastic!<BR>-cd

Thank you CD. I know "K", as I use to post here in early 1999. I have since sought refuge inside myself, and I need to get over here more often. <P>So "K"... give it to me staight.

Stonehenge, <P>My old friend, I would ask how you are but from this post I think I know the answer. Is she pregnant ? Is there any chance it's yours ? Is it the same guy ? I hate to see you still going through this. I can't offer much advice on this, but I can send you hugs<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Stonehenge}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Stonehenge,<P>I know for a fact that the child isn't mine. It hasn't mattered in the sense that I resent him---in fact, I feel that he was a gift from God for dealing with the pain that I dealt with during my wife's affair. I love this little guy completely. (Talk to me in 12 years, when he's in his teens... I might be singing a different story... )<P>There is no visitation by the OM. Although he knew that my wife was pregnant by him, they had a major falling out as the affair was ending, and he has never contacted us (well, one hang-up phone call about 2 years ago). A baby that is conceived while you're married is considered yours, unless the paternity is challenged. He's never challenged, and I have no wish to pursue child support from him.<P>I would strongly advise use of the Policy of Joint Agreement in coming up with a solution to whatever problem you're dealing with right now. You're only alluding to the issue, but it sounds like you're dealing with the fact that one of your children might not be biologically yours. If that's the case:<P>1. How is your wife behaving? Has she terminated the affair? Is she rebuilding the marriage with you, or is she waffling back and forth?<P>2. Does the OM know or suspect? Is there contact already between the two (child and OM)?<P>3. Can your wife agree to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement?<P>Give me some more details, and I'll try to give you my "logical" perspective on this.

Deb,<P>Thanks,<P>We are together and have been back together, more completely, since he went to jail in early 2000. She has been home, with me, since October, 2000, the month of the conception. Up until that point they were pretty much still seeing each other, without me knowing everything that was going on. It wasn't until he was arrested a second time in February 2000, that we had our world, to ourselves, we did nothing with it. <P>We were going to give the baby up for adoption, up to the point of birth. We changed our minds. I have accepted the baby (now 7 months old) as my own (and it may be mine) and have decided to raise him as number 5, right behind the 4 boys. Regardless of paternity. In this state, I am the baby's father until proven otherwise.<P>Yes we had a baby together in the summer of 2000. I was there for the birth and she and I decided that we would raise the baby together without the OM. No adoption, no OM. Just her and I. We were going to do it together. We did so up until December, 2000. He got out of jail and our life together has been hell to say the least since November 2000. <P>Now the OM is demanding that he see's his child while he continues to contact my wife via email and on a poetry site on the internet. He has even called our house. He came to town, this past weekend and my world has crashed again. I can't think of anything other than her and him together again. She promises me that nothing has happened with him since he has been out of jail and won't ever again. I can't help the feelings that I have that I have something to worry about while the two of them are together, visiting with the baby. Although she did call me from the hotel every 15 minutes or so, she was there most of the weekend, on and off for about 10 hours. The haven at Denny's where they first met was suppose to be enough, until someone suggested that they go back to the hotel and spend more time with the baby there. I did speak to her every fifteen minutes, so I want to believe everything. My heart tells me to be very suspicious, that there is something to be very careful of. I don't want to get hurt the same way again. I don't have a JPA agreement with her about the baby and the OM. I don't want a paternity test done, because I am happy with knowing that the baby is mine. Regardless, I don't know what to do about him emailing her and the secrecy behind the email accounts. She has a problem with me seeing what is in her email, and now has 4 email accounts that I know of. I don't want to have to checkup on her anymore. I don't know what to do.<P>I am at a terrible loss, as is she on what she and I need to do. I believe that the OM is going to endup taking us to court and fight us till we lose everything. We have next to nothing now. Everything is gone, everything is lost. All I have is my job, my wife and my children. Our home is gone, and we are living in adaquate, but less than pleasurable conditions. What do we have to loss next before she and or I have breakdowns. Those months of solitude with her before he got out were a blessing. I want them back.<P>Stone