today I filed for cs against my h, you all already know why. it was harder than I thought it would be to do, but in other ways was a big relief. my poor h feels so bad though that it has come to this. he brought me chocolates and new comfy pajamas for Valentines day.<BR>Anyway, our lawyer just got all moralistic on us. When h called him to tell him that we are now separated and I filed for child support, he said, "Well, all I can say is let your conscience be your guide. i really don't approve of these tactics."<BR>So what is this? I, of all people, don't need Jiminy Cricket sitting on my shoulder and questioning the actions that ow has FORCED me to take. So if anyone out there feels like reassuring me, now would be a good time. Catnip, I can always count on you to pull me out of the moments of misplaced guilt...<BR>By the way, I wrote a letter to the judge who oversees her child support case. In case you havent guessed, I am a big-time letter writer. My purpose for writing it is so that when ow eventually appears before him to fight the cs modification order, he will have some idea of what games she is playing. From what I hear, he doesn't look kindly upon people who lie to him, which ow blatantly did. With names blanked out it is as follows (it starts out close to the same as my other letter - be patient, there's a different message in this one) : <BR>February 6, 2000<P>Hon. Judge ********<BR>******** County Courthouse<BR>***********, PA ******<P>Dear Hon. Judge ********<P>I am writing to you in regards to a shameful situation that is affecting both my family and my marriage. I feel that this matter may be of some concern to you because a portion of the events happened in your courtroom. Please bear with me while I provide some essential background information:<BR>I am a twenty-eight year old teacher, currently unemployed due in part to downsizing at the Northern Tier Children’s Home where I taught alternative education classes to the residents. I have been married for almost nine years and have fours sons, whose ages range from 4 months to 8 years old.<BR> Roughly four years ago, during a brief separation, my husband, *********, had an affair with another woman, ****** ******. Sometime shortly after my husband and I reconciled, Ms. ***** announced that she was pregnant. We hoped, since there was no evidence of pregnancy at the time, that it was yet another scheme of hers intended to “win back” my husband’s affections. However, he and I made the decision to move to North Carolina and begin our marriage anew. Almost a year and a half went by with no news of her having a baby, and then my husband was hit with a paternity suit. As you might have guessed, DNA tests proved that it was indeed my husband’s child. Upon finding this out, my husband immediately began child support payments, and we began pursuing visitation. As it became difficult to proceed with the visitation suit from another state, we moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania, where we both secured employment, to be nearer the child. <BR>We won visitation rights and began bonding with the little girl. I must say that I immediately became attached to her, as did my husband. Then, after two visits with the child, Ms. ***** came to us, explained that she was planning to marry her live-in lover, and that she wanted my husband to discontinue visitation so that the child could have the opportunity to have a “normal” two-parent family. She agreed that it was not fair to keep collecting child support under these circumstances, and so together they appeared in your courtroom and you oversaw the finalizing of the agreement. My husband agreed to drop his visitation claim pursuant to Ms. ***** withdrawing the child support order. I must tell you that this was a heart-wrenching decision for my husband to make, but he felt that he was acting in the best interests of the child, allowing her to experience the stability that comes from a two-parent home. In the year that followed, we kept our end of the bargain and did not contact the child or Ms. ***** except to send Christmas presents and occasional greeting cards.<BR>Then, at the beginning of January of this year, Ms. ***** again filed for child support. When questioned, she admitted that the whole thing was her plan to convince the courts that ****** had no interest in his daughter. She said that she knew that if ******** appeared to be a father who alienated his daughter, he would have a harder time securing visitation rights again. Ms. ***** told us that she had no intention of marrying her live-in boyfriend, and that she lied so that she could eventually collect child support and have my husband’s rights denied at the same time. I asked her if she felt guilty for lying in front of the judge when she made the original agreement. She said that you were a silly old fool for believing it, and as such, she had no remorse over manipulating the courts for her own benefit. We asked our lawyer what we could do about her intentional breach of contract. He said that our hands are tied; the laws are with her on this.<BR>So now my husband is not only paying an exorbitant amount of money to a child he cannot see, he has to begin all over with the pursuit of visitation of this child. Ms. ***** took advantage of my husband’s sense of decency, and now we are all paying for it. The entire situation has put a tremendous strain on my marriage, partially due to the strain of the unexpected loss of income (please see enclosed letter for more information), and partly due to my husband’s depression over being tricked out of one-and-a half years that he could have spent having his daughter as part of our lives. We are now separated, although I am hopeful that we will be able to work through this trying time, and once again rebuild a solid marriage. Although we are living apart, we are faithfully attending marriage counseling.<BR>My hope is that by bringing this matter to your attention, even though the visitation hearing will go through the Clearfield County courts (because that is where Ms. ***** resides) that you will take note of the travesty of justice committed in your courtroom. I have also written a letter to our state representatives regarding the injustice of our state’s child support and custody laws. Please find enclosed a copy for your perusal.<BR>Hon. Judge ********, I thank you for your time and consideration, and am hopeful that you will respond to this letter in some way.<P>Sincerely,<P>

cd:<P>From one chronic letter writer to another, I take my hat off to you. What an excellent, excellent letter. May I use your format and plageurize if need be???<P>As for your attorney, shame on him! How dare he judge you? Desperate times call for desperate measures and he obviously has not walked a mile in your shoes. Does he not have any understanding of the severe financial consequences you face if you do not do this? I am sure Bystander will be along soon to give you an "atta girl" as he is a firm advocate in taking the proverbial bull by the horns and 'faux' divorcing or separating if the situation calls for it and if it looks like the grapsing greedy OW and the courts are going to clean your clocks.<P>As for your attorney, I would like to stick a couple firecrackers up his nose and set them off to clear the illogic in his brain as well as his insensitivity to your plight. I mean, really...how dare he? <P>You did the right thing, cd...you truly, truly did...now your kids will not have to be sacrificed and go without for the OC.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

CD and Catnip,<P>You two are very strong women, and I applaud you both for what you have both done, and been through!! I couldn't even begin to know the pain, even though you are both doing it for "paper" sake. I really hope that it works out the best for you both!!<P>Great letter, again, CD!! You definately are the letter writing type, and know what to say and how to say it. If these letters don't open up these officials eyes, then they don't have eyes to see with in the first place! <P>I can't believe your attorney either! Isn't he the one who told you that you could do this? Seems to be a little two faced to me!<P>Keep up the good work, guys!! It has to do some good some time. If not for those of you in the situations at this imediate time, then maybe for those poor women who we know will be in your shoes some day.<P>Have you done anything else about the Judge Judy thing? Keep us informed!!<P>Again, you two are very strong to go through this as you are, and I admire you both for your courage.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Being published in USA Today(sports...about Joe Torre manager of NY Yankees)and Heloise(hint on using plastic coffee can lids as disposable spoon rests and cutting board)...I think your letter is SUPER and tells almost all of our stories cd....<P>I'm a letter writter too. I write better than I speak sometimes.<P>You and catnip are true action ladies!<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Catnip,<BR>Please, plagarize away!<BR>As for my lawyer, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that an alien life form temporarily took over his body and made him say that. At all other times he has gone out of his way to make me feel better. I guess I probably won't hold it against him that he was playing Dudley Do-right last night. Maybe he's just worried that we really will separate. He knows that without me in the picture, the whole visitation case falls apart. It's pretty obvious to him and everybody else that I am the anchor that holds everything together, and also the gal that makes sure he gets paid. H on his own would be lost.<BR>Our (me and h) cs hearing is set for March 9, so we'll find out then how much I get and how much they'll have to reduce hers.<BR>tigger, thanks for the compliments! I haven't done anything yet about JJ. I was going to pick up papers at the courthouse yesterday to see what all is involved with filing for smalls claims, but my van broke down and I had to call my h at work to come and rescue me. After that, I was too worn out, so I'll have to go another day.<BR>Gem,<BR>I know what you mean. I am definitely better at expressing myself via letters than I would be in person. I once had a teacher that used to say "It is far better to keep quiet and let others assume you are a fool than to open your mouth and prove it." So, unless I am writing - where I can fully formulate my ideas in a rational, logical manner - I tend to stick by that rule.<p>[This message has been edited by cdcollins (edited February 15, 2001).]

cd:<P>Hahahaha...the Power of the Printed Word....<P>Catnip =^^=

<BR>CD,<P>Your lawyer's attempt to guilt you is a joke. Why should you roll over and watch your own children suffer when the OW reaps the benefit of a child support check that greatly surpasses what it actually costs to raise a child!? If CS were calculated fairly the lawyer might have a point - but CS is NOT calculated fairly. The courts openly discriminate against the children of second marriages, for instance. And I'm left concluding that if any children should be discriminated against, children born outside of wedlock ought to be the ones who bear the brunt of discrimination. You'll have to tell us what the OW's CS turns out to be, because my guess is that the reduced amount will probably be much closer to reality.<P>Bystander

You ARE doing the right thing. It is your duty to see that your children are supported, they are legitimate,and planned, and they came first. If legal steps must be taken to keep food on their table, you must take them. <P>I don't mean to slur children born out of wedlock, it's just that you and your H were responsible enough to plan a home before conceiving them, and the mother of a child conceived through an adulterous act has no right to expect the first or biggest piece of the pie. If she wanted a "meal ticket," she should have found an umarried man and planned their lives together. She cut in onsomeone else's dance partner.<P>This woman is evil and you would be smart to get everything documented from hereon forward, or have witnesses to any conversations. Her poor child!<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Dear Bystander,<BR>Thanks for your support; I needed it. The ow brags about the fact that she has chosen the most expensive daycare around because she knows my h will have to fork out for it. I know I harp on this, but it greatly exceeds the amount we paid for our babysitter to watch all three of our children when I was working full time. We make sacrifices, yet she gets a free ride just because she chose to bear a child out of wedlock? <BR>I can't wait to let everybody know what her cs turns out to be. Trust me, I'll be online here as soon as my h gets home from the modification hearing, whenever that turns out to be.<BR>-cd

Dear Bellevue,<BR>Thanks, I needed that. I'm working right now to make sure we have record of everything the scheming manipulative so-and-so does and says.<BR>-cd