I called her last night. My intent was to express my concern over trying to make her comfortable when she comes to visit the baby. Supposedly I was going to put her at ease. It turned out to be the other way around. We started talking about the whole situation again, and I expressed my lack of trust in her H and my hard feelings/bitterness towards him. I let her know that I had nothing against her at all; I actually was becoming more comfortable talking with her instead of her H. She said she understood why I felt the way I felt and that we all had to make every effort possible to leave the past behind. Her words: "eventually, God willing, little Jonas (my son) is going to have a brother or sister. Even though we haven't met him yet, Jonas is a big part of our lives. I want his little brother or sister to have a relationship with him. I want to bring my child or children to spend time with their brother, knowing that they will have a positive and nurturing relationship with you, as Jonas' mother. And, with time, you will come to trust that I truly do care for Jonas, and you can entrust him to me without any concerns for his well being." That last part came from me telling her that I had a fear that, once faced with the reality of my child in her arms, that her anger and hurt will once again take hold, and that she may unintentionally direct those feelings towards Jonas. She was making every effort to "smooth my ruffled feathers". Somewhere in the hour we spent on the phone, I started laughing. She must have thought I had lost my mind. When I didn't stop, I think she got a little miffed and wanted to know what was sooo funny. I told her that the main reason I had called her was to try and make her feel better about the visitation, and instead we had spent the entire conversation with HER comforting ME…a lot of good I was doing. She started laughing and said we were being silly. We were two grown women who knew how to conduct themselves properly and we didn't need to be telling each other nothin' about nothin'. She said we had to believe that everything would be fine. She referred to Jonas as "our son" at one point. I'm having a little difficulty swallowing that. I realized that I've been subconsciously seeing him as "my son". So, now I have to keep repeating to myself "he's OUR son, he's OUR son, he's OUR son". It feels really weird to say that, but hopefully it will get easier. Right now, it's wrenching at my heart. For 3 months he's been exclusively mine. The selfish part of me is wrestling with the thought that he could have a step-mother that could care for and love him as much as I do. The selfish part of me wants to deny that. But I know I can't do that. I have to do my part to help this new relationship grow.<P>Pray for me, please. They'll be here on Monday night. Right now I'm a bundle of raw nerves, and so emotional. I know that something good is on it's way, but I can't help but mourn the demise of my solo parenting. For a short time he was all mine. In order to gain something better, I feel like I'm losing a little something that was precious to only me. If you wanna know what bittersweet is, this is it. I've never known happy and sad could conflict like this. <P>Okay, enough of feeling sorry for myself. My baby is going to meet two very important people, and I WILL be happy for him. <BR>

Dear Ohbratti1,<BR>Do you have any idea how much easier my life would be and how must more peaceful my soul would be if "our" ow had one fraction of the decency you are displaying? As it is, every time I have tried to be nice, she has done the emotional equivalent of spitting snot in my face. Sometimes she reminds me of one of those baboons that throw their bowel movements at the very people trying to feed them treats. <BR>Reading your post today, I am reminded of the biblical story of King Solomon and the two women fighting over who was the true mother of the one baby. I'm sure you remember how one woman loved the baby, her baby, enough that she would rather give it up than see it cut in half. I see you as very much like that woman. In order to do the best for Jonas, you are willing to sacrifice your exclusivity in parenting him. just as King Solomon rewarded the unselfish mother, I am certain that you too will be blessed for your caring and compassion toward Jonas' stepmother.<P>If you ever get to feeling like you have too much extra compassion, pass some of it on to our ow, would ya?<P>Anyway, when the father and his wife show up on Monday, please know that I will also be putting a bug in God's ear that it goes well for you.<BR>-cd

Ohbratti:<P>Your post has touched me so. If only it could be like this for all of us here....<P>What an excellent, compassionate exchange, OB1; it was a true spiritual lift to read it and I am so very grateful you shared this exchange with us. We all need to hear this...and perchance to dream?<P>I understand your fears and longings of wanting to keep your child all to yourself and having reservations about the care your child will receive from his stepmother and father...but that is all she is...his stepmother. While she will play an important role in his life, nothing can ever take the place of 'Mom'. Ever.<P>Just think of the immense gift you are giving your son by allowing him to be surrounded be enourmous barrels of love from several people. Just think how this love can impact him and make him a more well-rounded and secure individual knowing that there are three people who love him and put his best interests to heart. OB1, what you are doing is so unselfish, and you really won't loose anything, you will gain so much...peace of mind that your son is loved and cared for and accepted and cherished when he is away from you. Your son will love you more for making his life harmonious and for your unselfishness. He will resepct you.<P>You will not have to worry about neglect or abuse. Your ability to get along so well with the Wife is a testimony that though the Dad is disgusting, he certainly has excellent taste in women. I am sure he is too limited to understand the remarkable situation he is lucky enough to be in flanked by two women who can get alone very well, admire each other and love his son. Wow. Your's is a compelling story. You are both extraordinary women...both very generous...you to allow her access to your child, her to allow her husband access to his child.<P>Don't be afraid, OB1, rejoice that this is turning out to be a life of love and security for your child...an opportunity to become a man of compassion and understanding. He'll probably grow to be a success in life because of two women's ability to care for him without angst and selfishness.<P>Incredible....thanks again, OB1. You make me cry for a longing inside I can't explain.<P>Catnip =^^=

Thanks, yet again, for your supportive words. As I was typing, the reality of what is about to occur started sinking in. I think I was sort of dazed before. Seeing the words "For a short time he was all mine. In order to gain something better, I feel like I'm losing a little something that was precious to only me." really hit home, and I started bawling like a baby. I really do want the best for Jonas. I just have to deal with the emotions that this whole situation is invoking in me. Thank God I have the whole weekend to get a grip and pull myself together. The last thing I want to put her through is my emotional drama. I'm holding on to the hope that once we meet, I see her interact with Jonas, and she can see first hand who I am and what I'm about, that everything WILL be fine. This hope is getting closer and closer to becoming a reality. Everything that came before, I think, was just a build up. Once we meet, THAT will be the place to wipe the slate clean and start anew.

Ohbratti<BR>Just came back from St. Pat's and have included you in my candlelighting. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!! The good intentions on both parts will result in only good...I am sure of it. Jonas is a lucky little boy..he has a great mom and seems to have a pretty good step-mom. Thank the Lord that instead of all the petty drama you are on the road to true recovery!<P>Congratulations and blessings Ohbratti

Thank you LeeLee, for your blessings and good thoughts....they go a long way.

Ohbratti:<P>Leelee spends a lot of time at St. Pat's lighting candles for all of us. I was thinking we should take up a collection to get additional fire insurance to cover the church should Leelee's daily candle burnings get out of hand...I mean, she's praying for so many of us...<P>We're all so lucky to have you, Leelee.<P>Catnip =^^=

Oh Catnip,<BR>I am here cracking up!!!! Its all about positive energy! I believe in the power of prayer and good intentions. So when you guys are feeling down just know that Leelee is in New York lighting a candle in your name!