Beloved forum friends,<P>Yesterday I responded to a post about "wishing for the other person to simply disappear" in a way that I am now worried may have been inappropriate in its lighthearted, jokingly sarcastic tone. Please know that I never intended for anyone to think that I was making light of the horrifically painful situation we are all in. I know full well the heartwrenching, gut-turning pain is to be taken seriously. But, after four years, I also know that in time, there comes a point where you have cried so much that you have to either laugh or die of sorrow. I think that one of God's greatest gifts to us is the ability of laughter to heal, and my point in writing like I did was just to show others who aren't as far into as I am that someday you will be able to luagh just a little, someday the pain won't be all consuming, it won't be so raw and unbearable as it is now. My weak attempt at a joke was designed to be a testament to the notion that time will eventually take the edge off this. <P>I am, often regrettably, one of those people whose funny bone gets hit at the very worst possible time. I am a notorious giggler at funerals and probably will never again be asked to be a bridesmaid after the "failure of the unity candle to light during the ceremony rendered me into helpless weak-kneed hilarity" fiasco a couple of years ago. Once, 15 minutes before we were to leave to attend my great-grandmothers viewing, my mother was searching for an appropriate dress to wear after her original choice ripped, and she yelled out to my Dad, "Don't start the car yet, I'm still trying to dig something up for the funeral." The morbid humor in the horrible, yet unintentional, innuendo of that sentence hit me like a ton of bricks and it took me three days before I could fully control the spontaneous outbursts that ensued. My dad has still not completely forgiven me for that. I never intend to be disrespectful at all, its just that extreme emotion and intense circumstances sometimes make me appear like a feeble-minded fool. Eventually, I will probably be excluded from all public family events that bear importance. In fact, when my brother got married 3 weeks ago, my h was given detailed instructions on how hard he was to pinch me if I got carried away at all.<P>Anyway, there was really an element of truth in what I was saying yesterday. I really have spent far too much of my time trying to come up with ways to make the ow "disappear" from our lives, especially in the first year after DDay. I have formulated plans ranging from the impossible (going back in time and changing the past) to the sublime (wishing that she would be mysteriously struck with Elephant Man's disease) to the criminally insane (knowing that there is a chemical used in the artificial insemination of cows that upon contact with the skin will immediately cause a woman to spontaneously miscarry, living right next to a dairy farm, you can see where this is going...)<BR>Anyway, all of that time that I wasted wishing for the impossible was just that: wasted. And I was just trying to point out the humor of it.<BR>I sincerely apologize if I have unknowingly hurt anybody in any way. If I have, please be assured that it was unintentional.<P>But I still think I'm on to something with the "projecting thoughts that make her uglier every day." It does seem to be working, although whether you credit me or just poor genetics is a matter of opinion...<P>With love,<BR>cd<p>[This message has been edited by cdcollins (edited February 16, 2001).]

<BR>CD,<P>May your next Christmas stocking be filled with the Mary Tyler Moore Show episode entitled, "Chuckles the Clown Bites the Dust." <P>Bystander

CD, I am just getting back after a few days on a business trip. I read your post and it was great! I loved it. You and I would most likely be best friends, since I also make crazy remarks and find humor where most don't. On my business trip I remarked that I most likely could learn a few things from a co-worker who is always professional & doesn't say bizarre things (like I do). But my other co-worker siad "But you wouldn't be near as much fun then". So, I know my spot in life. To add a little levity to situations.<P>I have a funneral story also (not as good as yours though). At my grandmothers funeral I had two cousins come into town at the last minute. One is a very large girl and she didn't have anything nice to wear and had to stop by K-Mart on the way from the airport to the funeral home to pick up an outfit. Not only that, she put it on in the dressing room and took tags to counter to pay for it. I thought this was HILARIOUS! I mean... this is a comedy routine (you might know you are a redneck if you have to stop at K-Mart on way to funeral, etc.). So I was laughing big time at funeral home. My grandmother would have loved it. She was a lighthearted person also & loved a good vodka & OJ along with a joke. <P>Anyway, I took no offense at your post. Keep laughing! Carolyn

From what I read, there was absolutely nothing in that prior post that should offend anyone here. We've all been put through the same pain in some way or another, and it helps us feel better when a smart aleck, or off hand comment is made about it. Don't feel as if you needed to apologize for something that probably made each of us laugh out loud. We don't get enough laughter in our lives these days, even if we weren't in this situation.<P>Don't feel bad for speaking your mind, we all love you!!<P>Tigger

cd:<P>Your post made me snort coke through my nose.<P>As a fellow victim of inappropriate hilarity at the most inopportune times, may I commend you for your sensitivity to the "raw', as unnecessary as it may be. <P>Bystander's post about the MTM "Chuckle's the Clown" episode is a classic. If you have never seen it, you have to find a source and rent it. It has to be by far, their best.<P>Watching Mary trying to control herself throughout the eulogy through outbursts of uncontrollable laughter is something to behold.<P>"A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down the pants"<P>Believe me, you'll identify. My daughter who is 28 is the same way. We often laugh about the powder sugar from a cookie stuck in the throat and trying to talk smart with relatives at a Christmas party. We were both a mess...I guess you had to be there.<P>cd, never apologize for bringing merriment to this site...Lord knows we need it. Keep it coming. You're very clever and very funny...good dry humor.<P>Catnip =^^=

No offense taken.I too have a strange sense of humor that few GET. I often quote the THree STooges and All in the Family. More recently Seinfeld. My family was dysfuntional, but very funny.

Cd, You are a breath of freash air it is wonderful to be able to come here and laugh instead of cry you are just fine. with love flowerseed