Hello,<P>I'm new here, but not new to what's going on with my H, the OW and their baby on the way.<P>My H and I have been together since high school. We have been together for 22 years. Last year, my H had an A with a girl (20 years old) who worked in his office. She told him she medically couldn't get pregnant and he believed her. He left me for two months, was home a month and moved out again 5 months ago. I forgave my H for everything, even the baby due in two months. My H is currently living with OW, but says he does not love her, he loves me. The OW is very crazy, psycho and neither my H or I put anything past her. My H now thinks the OW (little girl) will try and hurt the baby for attention. I believe it's called munchousen (? sp). My H says he's going to stay with her, at least until the baby is born. <P>My H was in the Air Force when this all started. He has since retired. Before his retirement and while he was still home with me, the OW told him she would turn him in if he didn't leave me, so he moved back out. How can anyone who 'loves' someone turn them in? Even I didn't to that, knowing 1/2 his retirement was mine. The OW (little girl) has threatened and lied since day one and never stops. She's filthy, dirty and my H has to tell her to shower and brush her teeth. Gag!!!<P>I have told my H that I will be moving from the state we currently live in, and going to Arizona. I can't stay here while he's living with her. I have read up some on Plan A and Plan B and believe that by moving on, I am telling my H that I will go on. As much as this kills me inside, I can't stay here any longer.<P>Has anyone ever had to deal with a whacked our crazy OW and her threats? Any advice??<P>Thank you for listening!<P>------------------<BR><B>Never...<BR>Never, never say I love you if you really don't care <BR>Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there<BR>Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie<BR>Never say hello if you really mean good bye<BR>If you really mean forever<BR>Then say you will try to never say forever<BR>Cause forever makes me cry <BR>~~Author Unknown~~</B>

Oh Butterfly, yes... there are too many of us here dealling with all levels of OW. Some are not too bad, others are completely whacked and determined to create as much pain and havoc as possible.<P>My H had affair with a 33 yr old "woman" that works for him. She also only wanted a sexual relationship, but soon after the affair started she became pregnant. She was aware that my H was married and had small children, but she didn't care. She wanted him and she wanted a child. Now she wants him to leave us and remain with her and this child. If he doesn't do that she has mentioned that she will go to their employer and claim sexual harassement. In my opinion she is a bit unstable. <P>I have not done a good Plan B. If I had perhaps I wouldn't be where I am at right now, so I don't know if I can comment on that. He is presently moved out and staying in a hotel. But I still allow him to visit our children and they do not realize he is gone. They just think he travels a lot. But I am a lot like you in the respect that i am just getting very tired of all this. It can drain you. That is what Plan B is about, making sure that the WS does not drain you. Do what you have to do to protect yourself from getting completely dried up. <P>Hopefully others will have more to add. Take care of yourself and post all you want to. It helps. Carolyn

Hi Carolyn~<P>Thank you for responding. I'm so sorry you too are going through this. Has the OW had the baby yet? I will keep you in my prayers. <P>My H and I have five children and a granddaughter. Our oldest daughter is 21 years old. The OW is younger than our daughter!! My daughter is very angry with her father. Actually most of the kids are angry and hurt by what their father has done. My H is very hurt as well. I see his pain he's going through. I believe he himself believes he needs to hurt for all of the pain he has caused our family.<P>I believe the only way to save our marriage is to move. I have prayed and I believe this is what God wants me to do. I know I can't stay living here any longer than I must, so when school is out, I'll be moving. My H told me today that he will be moving to Arizona as well. He even told our oldest daughter today that he will be moving to Arizona with us after the baby is born and he finds a job in AZ. I seem to have so much hope going for me, yet the pain I have is huge. As much pain as I'm going thru, I feel more and more love growing inside of me for my H. I don't understand it, but don't want the love to stop growing either.<P>The OW in our lives is psycho!! I put nothing past her, <B>nothing!</B> She use to post threats to me on her website (yes, I know her website and watch the constant changes she makes). She no longer threatens me, but she does write about them together and how happy they are. I don't believe it for a moment! I see my H, I see his eyes and I see his tears. He's NOT happy with her, he's only there for the well being of their baby. I have told my H that I will be there for him in court if he wants to fight for custody. Now, I would NEVER take another woman's child away from her unless that child was being harmed. My H and I adopted two of our daughters because they were being abused. ALL children are innocent and deserve to be raised in loving homes. I am willing to love his daughter and raise her as my own. People think I'm crazy, but I'm not. This child is so innocent!! <P>Again, thank you for listening. I know I've come to the right place. There is another forum I was at for months, but I believe this is where I need to be, where people understand what I'm going through with the OW and OC.<P>BTW, what does 'WS' mean?? <P>Hugs to you!!<p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly Kisses (edited February 18, 2001).]

Butterfly Kisses, <P>"WS" means wayward spouse, and "BS" means betrayed spouse. I am not in your position, but have, myself, gotten pregnant from an affair. In our case, the OM doesn't know of the pregnancy, and we hope he never does. I usually don't post to the new comers right away, due to the fact that some of you may view me as the "OW". I do feel for your situation, and you will probably see lots of my posts to the H's who's wives are in my situation. BTW, I have also been in the BS position as well, so from that point of view, I know the pain, to that point. I am sure that many others will be posting soon, and will have TONS of great advice to give to you, from their personal experiences. Good luck in your decisions, whether you stay or move away.<P>Tigger

Hi Tigger~<P>Thank you for the information. I have pretty much figured everything out, except the WS and I've never seen the BS, so again, thank you!<P>I have read a few of the postings and I've seen some of yours. You have much compassion for everyone here. I believe I can gain a lot from you. I'm glad you posted to me!<P>I'm going to move this summer, but I will never give up on my marriage. I know my H loves me and wants to be with me. It will not be easy leaving him here, but I believe this is my only option. He was in the military, so we are in a state I would have never moved to. I am deathly afraid of tornadoes and this isn't home! Arizona isn't home either, but there is no snow, ice or tornadoes there, so that's where I want to go, LOL I don't even have family there. I believe my H will join me there in time. Until then, I will wait. I have a peace within me now, more so than I had when I posted this a few hours ago. God is so good!!<P>Many Hugs<P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B>

Butterfly Kisses,<P>Being from AZ myself, I think it is a great place to move to. There are so many different climates in the state, so be careful where you do end up. I grew up in Tucson, and love it there. My H is in the military as well, and we are currently in HI. We are hoping to be back stateside in the next 2 years. Maybe even back in AZ. If you have any questions about the area, feel free to ask. We also have a poster who lives in AZ right now. Maybe she will post soon. Keep us up to date on your situation. I'm sure that there is someone who has been were you are, or is going through it at the same time you are. This board has been great for me and my H, even though I am usually the one doing all the posting. It's unfortunate that we all need to be here, but we all want to help eachother in any way we can. Don't be scared to ask those hard questions either. As you will see, I tent to ramble, as I have just done. Please forgive me.<P>Tigger

Cool name...Butterfly Kisses...those are the ones when you blink your eyelashes against someone's cheek, right?<P>Well, BFK, this is a hell of a mess. I cringed when I read the age of the OW.<P>Adolescent OW are probably the most dangerous as they are given to high drama and hystrionics. I would probably prefer to drive a Jeep through the jagged cliffs of New Mexico at 80 mph carrying nitro glycerine than have to deal with an OW that feels she can control the world with threats. They usually have no conscience at that age either.<P>BFK, your husband sounds as though he is either being held hostage by this time bomb or he is lying to you about why he is living with her. If he is now retired, what's the problem? Why can't he leave and come home where he belongs? Why is there a threat of Munchhousen abuse in the cards and how can this be predicted before the child is born?<P>My only advice is to NOT allow this irrational psychotic child to dictate you and your husband's living arrangements. If your children and family are aware of her and the situation, there is no threat or announcement she can make that would cause you and your husband any lasting heartburn.<P>As for fears of abuse, a phone call to Child Protection will scotch that.<P>My initial statement to newbies is not usually so harsh but in this case, I am perplexed as to why you sound so accepting of your living arangements and of your husband's reasons for why he is with her and not with you. You're even planning a drastic move to another state.<P>Well, you came to the right place to iron out these issues and to try to find a way to repair your marriage. It is very difficult the first few months after discovery to get your bearings and seperate the pepper from the fly sh*t. It is extremely important to allow yourself to see the truth so that you can determine what it is you need to do to make things better.<P>I am so sorry you are going through this terrible, terrible time and I hope you will find comfort and good advice here on this site. There are some of the most wonderful people in the world here with big hearts, lot's of compassion and a lot of tough talk, which we all need.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

Tigger~<P>Before all of this mess started, my H and I talked about moving to Tucson. I am now looking in the Mesa area. I have contacted apartments, the Chamber and even the police station there to get info on the area. How long has your H been in the military? We enjoyed it, until the end... I would love to hear from anyone in Arizona. I'm going basically to uncharted land. <P>Catnip~<P>When everything started last June, my H moved out and we didn't see each other for two months, except in court. We started talking and working on us again. He moved home for a month. He wasn't officially retired yet, so she threatened everything under the sun. He had to even sign a joint custody agreement before his official retirement date (which I have). I know there are no threats she holds over his head as far as turning him in to the military. My H sees how she lives, acts, etc. and knows she doesn't take care of herself and is very worried how she will raise the baby. I have no idea why he thinks she will harm the baby. I just found this out yesterday. I do know she's very crazy, and yes, very young and I put nothing past her, even threatening the safety of her daughter to keep my H. Sounds crazy, but this girl doesn't think straight. She use to post threats to me on her website.<P>I don't believe my H is lying to me about loving me or being worried about the baby. He's very confused right now and feels he has to do what he has to do for the safety of this child. I'm not accepting of the situation at all, but I can't make him come back home. I can't believe I'm planning on moving without him, but I know I can't stay living here either. Whether we get back together or not, I have to start my healing and start living again. I'm not happy here, and I haven't been since we moved her. For my own sanity, I have to move.<P>Thank you both for everything. I feel comfortable here and hope to come through this thing I call life with flying colors. Hard to imagine being happy at this point, but I believe that time will come for me. <P>Oh, what does BFK mean? That's another new one on me.<P>Hugs<p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly Kisses (edited February 19, 2001).]

Butterfly kisses,catnip mirrored what I feel also sorry your going thru this. What was that you said about signig joint custudy before oc was even born. Your h needs to get a dna test done to prove if the child is his. If she is this worried about nailing your h before this child is even born it very well may not be his. I also think your name sounds so neat. Glad you found us. with love flowerseed

Dear B.F.<BR>Welcome. I can't add too much to what has already been said, but I wanted to share with you that I too planned a move from my home state of PA to NC when the a was going on. My Dad, bless his heart, said that he would give me just enough money to get started because he knew how awful it had become for me having the a going on in our small town right under my nose. So I planned to move with or without my h, but at the last minute, the plan b part worked and he decided to move with me. I can't begin to tell you what an impact moving away made on our marriage. Not only did it distance us from the manipulation attempts from ow, but as we knew nobody at all in NC, h and I were compelled to bond closer with one another and really focus on us. I think getting as far removed from ow is your best bet, even if at this point h is undecided about where he wants to end up. I agree that a plan b is probably best for you. Hopefully when your h realizes that you're going with or without him, he will abandon ow and go along with you.<BR>The ow in our case sounds a lot like yours. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this kind of stuff. Nobody should have to.<BR>-cd

Butterfly, the OW in our case gave birth at the end of July, so OC is now over 6 mths old. DNA test was done & child belongs to my H. OW started to demand all sorts of stuff about visitation & support as soon as DNA was done. She still works with my H and uses a lot of intimidation (supposedly) to get his compliance with her wishes. But I am suspicious that his compliance is also willingness on his part to "be in both places". He wants it all, her and our family. Our boys are 8 & 7 and do not know anything yet. My H has a 21 yr old daughter that he did finally tell about OC. She was pretty appalled, especially since she gave up a child for adoption 18 mths ago. This OC (her half-sister) is 1 yr younger than child she gave up. To me that is just an incredible pain to have to endure. <P>My H moved out in January to live in a hotel. He still sees OC and OW. He told me that his plan is to let OW see that he has "moved out" and then hopefully she will see that they had their chance at a relationship and it didn't work out. Then (still keep in mind that this is my husbands strange logic here... not mine) this OW will just drift away, probably quit work and move to another state where her family lives. This is all very convoluted logic and I guess I am just to sit and wait on all this to happen. Well, he admitted to sleeping with OW since the first of the year and i am just not sure at all how that helps to pursuade her that they have no relationship & all this should "die on the vine".<P>I am with Catnip on the "why is he still living with her" question. There is no threat to work. And if this crazy person wants to hurt the child, well just document her threats and then seek to revoke her parental rights (which can be done in most states) and get full custody for yourselves. If you H is truely concerned for child this is the path he would take. And also make sure that the child is his. Get DNA testing done. These crazy people will often claim paternity that isn't there. In fact, a couple of women on this board had that happen to them and turned out that DNA proved the OC wasn't their H's. <P>Plan A worked a lot for me. It helped me be a better happier person. My failure came in when I should have implemented Plan B. I am losing respect and love for my H. Plan B is designed to prevent that from happening. By keeping your distance you don't have to feel the pain that will drain your love for your spouse. Take it from someone who did a poor Plan B, it will drain you if you do not do it and do it right.<P>I cannot beleive that your OW has a WEB PAGE! Good grief! I think I would make copies of posts, etc. in case you need to use it in a harrasement case or to prove that she is unstable (if you want to try to revoke her parental rights). So far, this is the first time I have heard of an OW having a web page and actually posting info about her affair. What a wacko. God bless you.<P>Take care. Keep posting & hopefully we can help. Carolyn <p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited February 19, 2001).]

Just an FYI. If this woman does suffer from MBPS (Munchhausen by proxy syndrome) there is no known SUCCESSFUL treatment. It's a psychological disorder where the mother has a desperate need for attention, which compels her to harm her child. When a child is ill, the mother tends to appear to be very dedicated to the child. They often have an extensive medical knowledge, which enables them to make their child sick without killing them. Unfortunately, in about 10% of documented cases, the child did eventually die. The mother does not recognize that she is abusing her child. The only way to ensure the child's safety is by separating them from the mother. The best, and probably only way, to do this is to document any and all illnesses and injuries to the child. It's really upsetting because the child has to be hurt in order to establish a pattern, and then the evidence has to lead back to the mother. Someone needs to keep a close watch.<P>

Butterfly kisses, have you thought to bring up to your h if he is so concerned about a unborn child how does he think you feel about his safty and your childrens while he is playing this game. I just dont understand how when they say these things that they can really believe it. It just makes no sense to me. Also if he is having sex with her please protect yourself from sexualy transmitted couties. with love flowerseed

Butterfly Kisses,<P>"BFK" is just Catnip's way of shortening your name. Same with "BF"<P>Mesa is a wonderful place, with an excellent school system. I never lived there, but my H did for a couple years.<P>My H has been in the military for 12 1/2 yrs. Since he is in the Navy, there have been many times where we have hardly seen eachother, but we hope to change that after he is done at this duty station in about 2 yrs. Obviously, at this point, he will be doing his full 20 and retiring. It would be a waste to finish out this enlistment and then get out.<P>Now, with what the other's have written, they hit on some very important issues. I do have to admit, I am a little confused as to how you H thinks he can keep the child safe by living with this OW. Is she threatening to do something to terminate the pregnancy? If you are going to try to work Plan B, make sure you read up on it, and follow the rules to the letter. Like Takingcare said, if you do it wrong, IE: contact with H, you could end up in a worse spot than you are now. You also may want to try to contact the Harley's, or do you already have a counselor you can talk to about this? Just be careful, cause if she can threaten her own child, she can try to hurt others, like you or your children, to get your H to do what she wants him to do. The OM in our situation had taken things so far as to write blackmail letters to himself(before my H knew about the A) that he was to get me pregnant, or they would kill him, me, our spouses, or our children. I caught him by marking the pages of his printer paper with a light pencil mark, and the next letter, that was meant for me to find when I let his dog outside, had that 3 inch mark at the bottom of the page. Of course, he still denied it, but I knew, and when he forced me to tell my H, he started the fight, which got him in major trouble(he was in the navy too) I don't think that he would have hurt me or my kids, but I do believe that he would have hurt my H, if given the chance again. After the "trial" for the assult, we ran into him at the base club, and he would walk past my H and say things like "How does it feel to sit next to a s@#%?" and that he could have f*&%ed me that day. My H is smarter than that, and didn't take the bait, but the group of guys that my H works with were ready to finish it off! It was a great day when we knew he was gone from here, that's for sure. That is the biggest reason we don't ever want OM to know about this child. <P>OOPS!! I rambled again!!! Sorry. Just be sure that you and your children are safe!<P>Tigger

BFK stands for Butterfly Kisses.<P>You have some great responses, BFK. You also sound as though you aren't allowing any dust to settle on you and you are going to make your own fate instead of waiting for the fallout. Good for you. You are strong.<P>Why couldn't the OW's have the decency and unselfishness for their children to allow adoption as your daughter did. It proves they are seeking a mealticket if they keep the child. How evil of them. How noble of your daughter.<P>Stay strong.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited February 19, 2001).]

Hi Everyone,<P>Yes, he signed a joint custody agreement before his official retirement date because OW (little girl - I refuse to call her a woman) told him that he better or she'll turn him in to the IG (Inspector General). My H had a flawless career the whole time he was in the Air Force. I have always been so proud of him and his accomplishments. My friends in his office listened to this little girl talk about her dreams of my H, starting the day after she started working there last April. My friends never said anything to me because they knew my H loved me. We had a very special relationship. I see now the mistakes we both made in our marriage and wish like all get out that I could go back and change it all, but I can't. I have been in counseling since last June and it helps a lot. I want to get to the point that I no longer need to go, but for now, I must. I have gotten through this whole ordeal with love from our Heavenly Father above. He has given me a great sense of peace about everything. Yes, I hurt, hurt beyond belief, but I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ. <P>I have asked my H if he knows 100000% that this OC is his. We even talked about it again yesterday. I can see he's not 100000% sure, but said if the baby doesn't come out with blonde hair and blue eyes, she's not. He did say that she could have red hair, because red runs in his family. Well, it runs in mine too and our children are all blonde hair, blue eyes. I told him that if he has any doubts, get a test. <P>Yes, she has a website that she loves to torment me with. Just this morning I looked at it (haven't in a long time) and there are more changes. I know she does this all for my benefit, so I shouldn't let it get it me, but it does. I guess you could say it's self torture on my part because I look. Anyway, she now has on there how their baby loves her 'daddy's touch.' Just makes me sick!! My H has told me that the baby is in the wrong place, should be in me (DUH!!), but he's the one who got her pregnant (as far as we know right now) and he feels an obligation to make sure his daughter has every opportunity to be happy in life. In doing that, he has left me, our five children and our 4 year old granddaughter. All of our kids and granddaughter live here with me. My H told my oldest daughter yesterday that he'll be finding a job in AZ and moving there. I told him that he'll be staying here, I just know he will. He said, "I wouldn't gamble on that." As much as I'm trying to cut all contact, I e-mailed him this morning and wasn't very nice. After seeing that website, I had to say something. I know the stuff she writes, my H has no clue about it. He never gets into her AOL account and has even told her to stop. When he found out about the threats, her profile and website were gone that night! I shouldn't have said anything to him this morning and regret the e-mail I sent. Needless to say, there was no response today from him. Don't really blame him either. He knows I don't believe half of the stuff she writes. It's all show, for me. <P>Tigger, you blew me away when you wrote that the OM was writing letters, to himself!!! You're not going to believe this, but the OW (Little girl) was writing letters to herself, claiming they were from ME!! She found some letters I had written to my H and saw that I type my letters on the computer, in blue ink. She started getting letters, mean, nasty letters and claimed they were from me. My H believed her for a while, but now knows I had nothing to do with them. I did write her one letter (wasn't worth my time, but just felt the urge) and I gave it to my H and told him to give it to her. Turns out, he never did. He said she wasn't worth my words, my thoughts. IF I would have written them, I would have signed them!!! She has called AOL and gotten into my AOL account (I stayed blocked so she would never know when I was online. She got on to unblock me). I was at work one day and my SIL was online and so was OW (little girl). All of a sudden LG (little girl, LOL) signed off (yes, we had her on our buddy list to know when she was online...childish, but had to do what I felt I had to do at the time) The next thing my SIL sees is ME signing on AOL. She knew I wasn't home b/c we had e-mailed each other that day. She e-mailed me at work, telling me someone was on my screen name. I called AOL and they told me, yes, someone had called and got the password changed. Once my screen name signed off, LG was back online. This was the second time she pulled this. The first time was when H moved out and I changed the password. He tried signing online and couldn't. He gave LG all of my info and had her call AOL at 2:43 AM (weird, I still remember the time) and say she was me. I called AOL the next morning when I couldn't get online (the password was changed) and told them I did NOT call and I was calling my atty. I got my account back. I now have a secret code that has to be said in order for any changes to be made on my account. The same day she broke into my account, she also got into my H's cell phone voice mail. I was in the car next to him at the shoppette (like a 7-11 on base), so he knew it wasn't me. That very night, she had on her AOL profile that 'someone' had broken into HER AOL. Childish games and lies is all she's about!! There are so many other things she has done that my H now sees were lies. One night, it was after midnight and my daughter and I were still awake and heard a loud noise on our roof. We looked at each other and didn't know what to do. I wasn't going to go out and see what it was. I finally called 911 (felt foolish, but told them I didn't feel comfortable). I was asked if there was anyone I thought would want to hurt me. I said the first thing that popped into my head. Yes, my H's girlfriend. I also told him I didn't think it was her, b/c gf is pregnant. I told him that if she did anything, she would pour gas around my house and catch it on fire. I want a VPO (victims protection order) but can't get one b/c LG hasn't done anything to me that warrants one. Needless to say, the 911 operator was quite shocked!! I told my H about it the next day when he was here and he said he would NEVER let LG hurt any of us. He said he would take care of her in a heart beat. <P>People who know me, know I wouldn't wait around and live in this hell I've been in for the last 8 months. I only do it b/c I have prayed, prayed all the time and ask God for guidance. I believe that I'm being told to wait. God doesn't care where I wait, so I'm going to AZ. If my feelings are wrong and H and I don't get back together, I'll still be fine. I love my H, more and more every day, but I can't continue to hurt like I do. I believe by me taking a stand and saying I'm not living this was anymore, he'll either change what he's doing and go to AZ or he'll stay right where he's at. I do know that when he first left me last June, I didn't see him for 2 months and I finally got to the stage that I was so pissed at everything, I was determined I WOULD make it. I did go 6 weeks without eating, only drinking water for that time, but I did that because I was in a strange frame of mind that I 'believed' I couldn't eat the food b/c it was food for my children. When my H left, he took all of the money out of the account (advise from his atty.) and left me with nothing. My kids were putting gas in my car and buying food. When I finally got to the point that I could buy food again, I was already two weeks into not eating and still in a crazy frame of mind that it was only their food. It was when my H moved back home that I attempted food again. Boy, I never thought a person would have to learn all over how to put food in their mouth! I had to totally relearn to eat. I went from a size 14 to a 2 and now I'm in a 4. My H felt so sick about everything he had done to us. Anyway, I got off track there. It was my H seeing how I was getting along just fine (he didn't know at the time I wasn't eating) without him that he wanted to come home. I have to get back to that point if we are to have any kind of chance at our marriage.<P>I believe I've rambled way too much and I would imagine many of you have lost interest and given up on this long post, LOL I promise to try and keep it shorter from now on.<P>Thank you for listening and giving me great advise. I feel so lost, yet I know where I'm going. It will be a BIG move I'm making and I never dreamed I would do it alone, without my H, but I have no other choice, but to move.<P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly Kisses (edited February 19, 2001).]

Butterfly dont ever worry about your post being to long thats how you get all this out it really helps. I dont think there is a person here that doesnt think if they had only known how things could have been diffrent. I know what you mean about calling the thing a woman. I think of obnotious whore when I type the ow one of the girls said this once and its never bothered me since.This ow sounds like a sick teenager the ow in my life is younger than my oldest dauther also eckeee it makes me sick.I think it is a good idea for you to move also. Just come here and pour your heart out and we will do our best to help.In time just like you have said if things are meant to be they will.You are in our prayers. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

Thank you flowerseed!! I love the words you think of when using OW too, LOL I'll use that from here on out!! <P>I cried myself to sleep last night. The tears just hit me and I couldn't stop. I was begging God to help me through this. I will always love my H, even through all of what he has done to me and our family. <P>Many Hugs<P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B>

Dear BK,<BR>I can completely understand your eating problems. Back when my h was having the affair, I too stopped eating and lost over 80 pounds. I am 5'10" so losing a few pounds here and there is not too dramatic, but 80 pounds was, and I definitely looked sick. i don't know if I stopped eating then because of the stress or because of some subconscious desire to "compete" with the ow, who, btw, is a little on the chunky side. When I am my usual pleasantly plump self, I am good-looking enough, but I know that when I am thinner I am quite striking. The problem was that I lost way way way too much and just looked awful. In the 4 years since then I have had no problems with eating... until now. now, for some reason or another, I am back to having a hard time eating. It's not really that I don't want to eat, it's just that the thought of eating gags me most of the time and I get repulsed by the sight of food. I am managing at this point to eat one small meal each evening, but I have to force myself to do it. My natural instinct, for whatever reason, is to limit my intake to caffiene and nicotiene. I'm not sure why this is affecting me again now - if it is because I'm worried in some way about the extra pounds I put on during pregnancy or what. I really do know that there is no "competition" going on between me and ow anymore, but I can't stop feeling as if I have to be gorgeous in order to outshine her plainness. So I am having a hard time with this too. I was molested as a very small child by a distant relative, and I understand that eating disorders triggered by things like that can resurface later on during times of stress, so that could be it too. My advice is that you have to keep a close eye on yourself because you have to be healthy for your kids' sake, if not for your own. Like i know that right now I'm eating enough to be ok, but I also know that if I get any worse, I'm going to have to get treatment. Going 6 weeks without eating though has got to wreak havoc on your heart, your entire cardiovascular system etc. Please don't let it get to that again. I'd be glad to talk more to you about this. Keep writing<BR>-cd

Butterfly Kisses,<P>I am so sorry to have to welcome you to the board. However, you have come to the right place. Alot of the advice/comments here are very helpful.<P>Like you, the OW that H had affair with is psycho. She has made numerous threats, including telling H's boss that H sexually harrassed her at work and that is why she quit her job. In addition, there have been physical threats against me, etc. However, I think that for the most part OW is full of hot air.<P>I recommend that you document OW's threats and report her to the police. I think if that happened several times, OW would stop.<P>As far as you moving to Arizona, that may be a good idea. However, since you said that you won't move until after school is out, in the meantime, I would institute Plan B and refuse to have any contact with H. I am probably going to go into Plan B today, unless H is willing to negotiate. I tried to Plan B a couple of weeks ago and I wasn't strong enough to follow through with it. But, if I have to, I think that this time I will be stronger. Please visit frequently and we can share our ups and downs through this. Also, if you would like to exchange e-mail addresses, I think we could share more about the psycho OW. Sometimes, just writing it all down helps. If you don't wish to exchange e-mail addresses, we can continue to share our thoughts here.<P>I will keep you in my prayers.<P>Dolphin