Dear Blue,<BR>You have to keep in mind that trust isn't something you are just going to be able to give to your h, it's something that he is going to have to earn. What you're really talking about is when you'll be able to open up your heart enough to allow him the opportunity to earn your trust. For me, that time didn't come until we had worked out to the smallest detail our plan of tackling the oc issue together. it wasn't that we knew exactly WHAT we were going to do -we still don't know that for sure - but that we knew HOW we would approach everything that came up. I still think that you have got to resolve the ow/oc issues before you being totally opening up for that.<P>But when that time comes, be aware that even though you think you're on the road to trusting, there are going to be times when you still panic. My h's affair began with him going out after work with a group of work buddies that ow happened to be part of. Shortly after we moved to NC, the owners of the business my h got a job with announced that they would be having an after-hours dinner meeting with all the managers. I thought that I would be OK with this, but when h was later getting home than I thought he should be, I about went nuts. It was like my fear of betrayal was literally suffocating me... I couldn't even breath right. To this day, I still get a little nervous once in a great while. At the company Christmas party this year, I overheard some of my h's co-workers talking about how one of the receptionists has a big crush on one of the married mechanics. My h confirmed it - she had a crush on a different guy - but I still sent the lady looks that would kill a horse dead all night long. I'm sure she wonders to this day what I had against her to make me look at her with such evil intent.<BR>It IS undoubtably hard to open yourself up to trusting because at the same time you are opening yourself up to the possibility of more pain. But if you proceed with caution, and make sure you and h are in total agreement about everything, it will get better and easier as time goes by. In fact, it has been almost two years since I have checked our phone bill records for calls to the ow. That's pretty good, don't you think?<BR>-cd
