Jessie,<P>Yesterday, I spoke with psychiatrist that prescribes Paxil and another anti-depressant. He raised some thought-provoking questions that I thought we could discuss. First, would helping H raise OC indicate "approval" of A? I hadn't ever thought about it this way, but could be viewed that way.<P>Also, doctor asked what I was doing to mentally prepare myself to help H raise OC if it is in fact his. To be honest, I haven't been doing anything. I wondered if you had any ideas about this. Also, does your H want to get custody of OC? I don't think that you expressly stated whether he did want to try to get custody. I was curious because many of the other BSs that post here are not faced with this situation because their Hs do not want any contact with the OC.<P>Dolphin

Dolphin,<P>I know I'm not Jessie, but I wanted to comment on the statement that if you helped to raise this child that you are "approving" of the A. That is the furthest thing from the truth. What you are doing is supporting your H in his decision, because you love him. I know that my H is not going to raise this child as his own because he "approves" of what I did. He is doing it because he loves me, forgives me, and knows the pain of giving a child up for adoption, and will not put me through that again. We are doing what is best for this child. Yes, others could look at it as you "approving" of the A, but I know, as does everyone else on this board, that forgivness is NOT approval! I guess you could look at it as acceptance of something that can't be changed, but never approval.<P>Just my views on what you were told.<P>Tigger

Tigger,<P>Thamk you for responding. Sometimes, I am in so much pain from H's affair that I go to these counselors just hoping that they will say something that will help ease some of the pain. Often, I leave feeling worse than when I got to their office.<P>Anyway, I am still hoping and praying that OC is not H's. I think that there is a good chance that it isn't. However, does your H ever post here or speak with you about mentally preparing himself to raise this child? <P>Again, thank you for posting. <P>Dolphin

Dolphin,<P>My H does post here, but not that often. His "screen name" is Sailorman59. His job has been taking him away from us just about every week. We haven't talked that recently about preparing for this child, emotionally. The last time we did, he was very honest with me, and said that he didn't know for sure how he was going to react. He has said that he already loves her, but won't know what his reaction will be until she is actually here. I can't ask for more than that. He has also told me that he sometimes has a hard time with the pregnancy as well. The way we have looked at our situation is that God won't give us anything we can't handle. But that also means we will need HIS help to handle this. And don't take that to mean that I don't approve of having to take meds to help you get through. That's why the meds have been developed. Just that it is easier when you have given it to God. A picture I use, mentally, since I was in high school, is when you give it to God, do it with your palms facing the floor, and let go. That way, you can't hang on to it. It's just something that helps me let go when I need it.<P>My H won't be back till next Wed, if you want to post any questions to him, that would be the best time to do it. Hope I was of some more help.<P>Tigger<P>

Dolphin,<P>Oh my! I haven't thought about preparing myself to raise OC if it my H's. I guess with me it was an automatic response. I mean I love my H, I want our marriage to work and this is my H's flesh and my childrens sibling. I would not want to keep them from a relationship. (OW does not want me to have anything to do with OC, she sees me as the enemy and the reason my H and her could not make it together, and that's another story).<P><BR>And I feel the same as Tigger, I am by no means telling my H that the affair was OK, it just means that I forgive him and love him enough to work through this together.<P>And....I had a confrontation with OW Monday evening. Maybe tomorrow I will have more time to explain.<P>Jessie<P><BR>