It has almost been one year since d-day and I thought I was recovering. I made it through everything amazingly well. Now i know why. I have spent the entire time feeling everything on the surface never deep in my heart. I have been a little depressed but no real pain. About a week ago I just broke down. I cried with my H and felt a little better, but it opened up the pain I have refused to admit was there. I am either numb or crying there is little else in my heart. I am to the point where I don't even feel happy about really great stuff. Three weeks ago we went on a 4 night cruise, sans kids, and I had fun but it all felt like a dream. I couldn't really enjoy myself. <BR>I have been through all this before when he had the other affairs but this time I just don't see any hope of it getting better.<BR>I don't want to divorce him but I really want to feel again. (something other than pain would be good)<BR>Thank you all for listening to me. I really get a lot of encouragement from just reading all your posts.

Ladygirl,<BR>I think sometimes we shut down when the pain is too great. Protective body function I think.<P>I noticed you said AFFAIRS.<P>Therein lies the answer. You can't trust him again, or rather open you heart fully as you've been burned too many times. <P>I don't blame you for how you feel. It would be devastating if my H ever did this again.<P>Difference being it would be hard to leave these almost 27 yrs(1week away) but much harder to stay as I would need peace of mind not worry forever.<P>I'd get into counseling if I were you. Start at your church.<BR> Bless you....<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....