Hey,<BR> I am a pregnant OW and I know that the wives think that we are the scum of the earth, but try looking at it from our point of view sometimes. We don't get pregnant by ourselves. If evrything was ok in your marriage, then we wouldn't exist. We, well, at least I, do think about the W and wonder why her H is with me. You have to think about all the lies your H's tell us too. You think we'd stick around for nothing? They say things like "She means nothing to me" "She'd kill herself if I left. I couldn't do that to my children" "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you" "It would just be too much of a financial strain if I left now... she'd get half of everything" the list goes on and on. I invite some of you to go to <A HREF="http://www.gloryb.com/board" TARGET=_blank>www.gloryb.com/board</A> and read some of the posts there. All OW are NOT insensitive scum.

I'm going to play "Moderator" here and please ask that no one else respond---and especially to the gloryb board.<P>anOW: OW's come in all shapes, sizes and flavors. My wife is an OW, who ended up pregnant by her OM. I don't think she's a low-life scum. I don't think the OM was either. What they did was completely, entirely immoral and wrong---but that doesn't make them evil incarnate.<P>However, there are OW's that do get pregnant to get child support, and they support themselves in a predatory manner by getting pregnant with several different men over time. That's pushing the envelope for "evil" in my book.<P>If you're not here actively dealing with your marriage, or with issues surrounding it, I'd suggest that you not post anymore. We don't need a flame war between MB and the OW site---we've had it before and it's disruptive to both.<P>

To everybody else on the forum:<BR>I'm not even going to bite on this one. The bait is just not worth it. So please excuse my lack of response. I'll save my energy for bigger and better things.<BR>Love to all,<BR>-cd

Dear K,<BR>Sorry, I posted my reply before I read yours. Same idea, though. no response is best.<BR>-cd

nobody is trying to flame or start a flame war. You don't have to go to the other board but there are dozens of wives who do and some have gained a different perspective. I was reffered here by someone on that board, probably a W, because I am pg by a MM. I am definately not trying to destroy anyone's marriage and I didn't get pregnant by myself.<BR>So sorry if any of you are upset!

Maybe not "insensitive scum", but definitely selfish and disrespectful. When I speak of respect, I'm not referring to the respect you would afford another person. When the MM you're involved with married his W, the vow was "until death do us part", not "until I find someone or something better". He should respect the vow that he made, and so should you. Theirs was a sanctified union…which you interfered with. If he was having issues with his marriage, then he should have sought to resolve them through whatever avenues available to him while still respecting his wife and the vows he made. The fact that he betrayed his promise to her tells a lot about his character and lack of integrity. By the way, why would you want a man that wasn't willing to commit his love to you and only you? I don't know about you, but I want a man of my own….not someone else's.<P>From one OW w/OC to another, it ain't worth it. Too many people get hurt. I thank my lucky stars everyday that my situation is turning out as well as it did. That kind of luck is not just there for the taking. Be careful. Think of what you're doing and what your actions will teach that little one that you're carrying. I want my son to grow up with pride, dignity and integrity. I don't want him to be shamed by the circumstances that brought him to be. More importantly, I don't want him to be ashamed of ME.<BR>

just a question... If HE doesn't respect his marriage, why should I? He is the one obligated to her, not me. I don't know you situation ohbratti1. Are you married yourself? did you not know that you were TOW?

Leave this post be! Like K said, it's not worth any more time spent on something like this.<P>Tigger

Why should you respect the marriage...Why should you? <P>Because of integrity. Because of character, because of basic human decency of not wanting to be party to anything that would ruin another person's life forever, for not wanting to alter someone's marriage or be party to the deep and profound sadness and tears of something that is truly the worst possible thing that can happen to a wife.<P>Should you ever become someone's wife, perhaps someday you will be so in love with your husband, beyond all reason, feel happiness and joy in your heart just for being granted such a gift from God, and then someone weak and selfish comes along and meets your husband at his most vulnerable moment. <P>Perhaps there has been some discord in your marriage lately, maybe there has been some misunderstanding...nothing serious, or at least you didn't think so. You hope that if there is trouble, he would come to you and talk about it, reach out to you, because you are so important to him. But, instead, he turns to someone else, always someone far less than you, his wife. And he has sex with her and is careless and selfish and thoughtless. But, instead of turning him away when she hears he is married, she takes the opportunity, not giving any thought to you or your children, or your years together and your history, and doesn't care how this impacts you or hurts you or how you cry yourself to sleep each night. All because of one selfish man who hits on one selfish, weak, shallow and vapid woman who has no self respect, morals, compassion.<P>See, anOW, someday this could be you. Someday when your life is good and whole and happy and full of love and joy, the rug may come out from under you and you will reap the karma so deserved and suddenly your days are not as bright as they used to be, birds don't sing as sweetly as they used to, there's a dull ache in your heart, always, even after reparation and recommitment...all because of some thoughtless, selfish person who was so evil she refused to turn her back on a married man and find a single man, an available man.<P>You will reap what you sow, anOW, you will reap your karma. I'm sorry for you because you have no soul or heart and just in it for the moment, because you have no idea of the domino effect, the chain reaction and the horrors you are unleashing upon yourself and innocent lives. Because of your heartlessness and your callousness, your future is empty and ugly. Some people can only find their self esteem in taking what is not theirs to take because they have so little 'self' in their own right. They know they don't have many assets or any reason for existing because they leach off of others and take from others like weasels in the night. I know K asked that no one respond but in this case, you have to realize what you have done, your sin, your evil because of the Pandora's Box of karma you will visit upon yourself.<P>I'd hate to be you.<P>Catnip =^^=

Thanks for not posting, Catnip... <P>Of course, I nearly posted to the:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If HE doesn't respect his marriage, why should I?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is the 7-year old's "But THEY did it..." excuse. <P>Whether it's karma, Hell, an old-fashioned spanking, or just the need to have personal integrity---sometimes you just need to do the "right" thing. And there's nothing right about an affair, regardless of the justifications.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by K (edited February 22, 2001).]

K! Sorry....<P>As Hank Williams said..."Don't be angry with me, Darlin..."<P>Catnip =^^=<P>PS I really am sorry...want me to 'edit'? I will if you wanna...

Catnip,<BR>Don't you dare edit one precious typed word!!!!<P>It's probably the "forgettable" ow in our case.<BR>Pregnant and alone.<P>I remember how wonderful my Husband was when we were expecting our son. Together. A wanted child by both of us. Not a "shot-in-the-dark" chance pregnancy. A baby who was wanted and loved by the two people who knowingly made him.<P>Now ow in our case is alone w/her mom and 3 kids. Threw her H out. For what? tsk...tsk... a lot of shame......<P>I can hold my head up and face people with dignity and know full well I did nothing wrong. It's my husband who feels shame. He tells me every day how amazed he is I still love him.<P>He thanks me for a second chance to make it up to me the rest of my life. Boy is that fun!<P>I am not willing to throw away 29 yrs. together for a "roll in the hay". Who cares what he told ow while they boinked....it wasn't true or he'd still be with her.<P>What he tells me when we boink is true. <P>Like the song goes...."He loves me..he loves you not. No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you. He's into what he's got. He loves me he loves you NOT"<P> Nuff said....<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

oh gem...boink. you and flowerseed are really a riot. thanks for the giggle.<P>and catnip, as always, that was so perfect. you captured it all in those paragraphs. if only they would remember that little bible phrase that says to do unto others what you would have others do unto you... is that too much to ask for???<P>happy_girl<p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited February 22, 2001).]

you know it is sad that as a 17 year old girl i showed more respect for myself and the sanctity of marriage than these adult OW's do. i had a major crush for a long time on a guy that always came by where i worked, and always flirted with me(i flirted back). anyway, we ran into eachother at a soccer game and started talking, exchanged numbers etc. we talked on the phone a lot, and continued to see eachother at work. we went out a couple of times. nothing much. i of course was head over heels. he was cute, older (21) had a great job, and was totally fun to be with. <P>until one day when i paged him and a woman called me back. screaming he was married and had a little kid at home and how could i do this too her. i was shocked. did some investigating and found out it was true. asked him, he said yes, but they were separating, had been having problems, la la la. well, i told him sorry. i can't see you anymore. he said, well what about if we divorce?? i said no way. i respected myself too much for that.<P>he did look me up after i moved here. he was coming to arizona and told a mutual friend back home he wanted to hook up with me. he was now divorced. well i told her to tell him NO and not to give him my number.<P>i guess you either have it (self respect, respect of a marriage)or you don't. the problem is too many OW's don't. especially the ones like anOW.<P>sorry. i had to respond. <P>happy_girl

you all are so wrong... but every situation is different. I am not alone, my MM is stcking by me the whole way through. WE go to the doctor and We still see each other. Tell me what is wrong with two people who love a man so much they are willing to share? His W knows about us and much to our surprise has known about us for over a year. The diffence is, she's not all hostile about it and doesn't think I'm a bad person at all. In fact, she was more upset with HIM than me. She understands how I could love him...after all, so does she. She understands how charming and just plain irresistable he can be and therefor is, even to my surprise, willing to share. Maybe some of you should consider it.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>you all are so wrong... but every situation is different<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Come back in 5 years and tell us how wonderful this still is...

Wow, anOW! You have really opened my eyes. you're absolutely right! I should share my h. I'm going to get on the phone right this very moment and call my h at work and I'm just going to INSIST that he get back together with ow. After 4 years of being disgusted by the thought of ow, I am sure he will leap at the chance to resume physical intimacy with her. Just think of the benefits this will bring to our children. We will be able to teach them that the sanctity of marriage is a joke, that sex with multiple partners is healthy and without risk, and that when God said, "Thou shall not commit adultery," He really didn't know what He was talking about. This is going to be SO COOL. And plus, ow has a live-in boyfriend now, so I'll be able to get a little action on the side too. Then, when all of the kids get a little older, they can all have sex with each other. After all, if we're throwing out the rules governing marriage, we might as well toss out those pesky guidelines about incest while we're at it. I just wonder if when Charlie Manson gets released if he will guide us in this quest the same way he did his previous "family".<BR>Thanks again, anOW, for allowing me to see the light. I am eternally grateful<BR>-cd

I was going to stay out of this, but will put in my 2 cents worth. Basically, for the most part what ever is done between consenting adults is their business. Even if there are 2, 3, 4 persons involved. If two or three women want to share a man, well that is their choice.<P>My stance is for the children. These poor children need fulltime parents. You really don't know the truth to that statement until you have been up all night with a 8 mth old. Until you look into your child's face and realize that the most precious thing in the world does not have what everyone wants for their child, a happy home with a dad and a mom who are there 24-7 for that child. A life that has as little compromise built into it as possible. <P>If you want to condemm your child to a part-time dad, well go for it I guess. I have watched this play out with my brother and the child he had by OW. This poor 11 year old boy is miserable. He wants a family and a dad, not just a "visit" when his dad has time for him away from his "other family".<P>That is the ONLY reason for marriage in my book and that is why folks should honor what it means to our society. Be careful how you treat your children and other people's children. I just want the OW in my chase to look into my childrens eyes and tell them that what she and my H did really didn't have any impact on them and they shouldn't be concerned. My H and OW took action that my children will have to live with forever. <P>Please do come back in 5 years. I will hope that your child does not suffer any pain from your actions. I am sure it doesn't deserve this. Carolyn

now now, cdcollins,<BR>that was totally uncalled for. Your H maybe totally disgusted with his OW, (but that says something about his character too don't you think---after all, it was his choice to "boink" her in the first place, she didn't RAPE him) but my MM is not disgusted by me. Our child will not suffer because me and W get along and wether the baby stays at with me or with his father he will always have 2 parents that love him.<BR>

anOW:<P>Here's the issue: if the wife and your MM have used the POJA to decide on what course of action they will take regarding you and your son, then that's great. If that includes the three of you sleeping together---it's unorthodox, but fine.<P>The main issue is that the wife and husband AGREE to the decisions they make in their marriage. Most of the people who are upset with you are in marriages where their spouse DIDN'T use this principle, and may be continuing to pursue their feelings unilaterally.<P>What the heck is your point for coming here anyway? You're certainly not showing much of your sensitivity here.