I'm am glad you found us. This place is a true haven. It's safe to vent, get advice, or just concentrate on someone else besides yourself and your situation for a minute. The people here are wonderful and always give support.... even if they have taken a different path than you. that's what I appreciate the most. They've helped me heal and work towards a better me!<P>Welcome,<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

gabbi,<P>i'm so glad i got your post. i almost overlooked it. next time you have a question for a particular member and they didn't start the thread, you may consider posting a new topic with their name as the subject. that way it kinda sticks out. i know i dont have time everyday to read all the post but will definately make time to read something addressed to me.<P>quote:<BR>The Oc in our lives was conceived before we were married, . The affair was actually a one night stand and I have guilt from it. I was suffering from post partum depression, our first son was six months old when I asked my husband at the time,fiance, to leave. He left for a few days and had this one night stand. He returned as I said after a few days and we planned on going ahead with our wedding plans, he found out this OW from one night stand was pregant and never told me. He keep it from me he says in fear I would leave him and not marry him. The OW threated him many times to break our wedding plans up, after we were married to break up our marriage and finnaly when I got pregant with our second child after being married four years she told me about the her child with my H. We are still together and our second child is now two years old. My husband has been paying child support for almost two years. We decided to seek visitation and he will have his first visit this coming week. He told me in regards to the visitation that he would do whatever I wanted fill for it or not. I told him he should and the OC should know him and his half brother and sister, the OW fought him for over a year , but she sure like the large sum of money my H pays. Well I felt the harder she fought the harder we would then fight and he won. From the beginning she has tried to ruin my life and I will not allow her to. My problem now is that since my husband will be meeting the child and after 2 months our children will, how do I share this news with my parents. My husband has no real parents to speak of and truely cares for my as his own. We are so concerned this will ruin their relationship with hi. ANY goood advice. Thanks in advance, I am so glad I found you all I can finally get the support I have been dealing with for two years from others who can truely relate.<P>now: for your question.... be careful telling you parents. jeez i told my mom and she hit the roof. i guess it didn't help that they had a run in when i first got pregnant and we wanted to wait to get married until after the baby. "I don't want my grandchild to be a [censored]" were her exact words..... she's from the old school and it was super duper tough. not to mention that my father was a alcohol/drug abuser who cheated and mental abused my mom. So immediately she goes "he's just like you father!" Well let's see 1 outta 4 makes him exactly like him... you're right <P>So my advice.... tread lightly. Perhaps if you husband's relationship is better than mine was (and it sounds from you post like it is) it won't be so hard for them to accept.<P>Just last night I was having dinner with my mom and a friend and she asked me when I was going to tell a long time family friend. I told her that I didn't really feel the need to send out email notification that I have a stepdaughter now. (i didn't say it that sarcastically). My mom relpies well your son was running all over daycare when i picked him up today about his new baby sister. I told her, "I'm glad he's excited about his sister!" and changed the subject. <P>That conversation leads me to believe my mom is reliving some of the shame she felt when friends and family found out about my father's deep dark secrets. So I tolerate her sh###y comments and keep moving.<P>Best of luck sweetie.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear gabi,<BR>My situation is somewhat like yours in that my h has no real relationship with his parents and looks upon my parents as his "adopted" family of sorts. I told my Dad about the oc first. now, the reason for this is that I knew my Dad responds to difficult situations in a set pattern. First, he blows up, says completely irrational things, then withdraws to cool down, thinks things through, and finally comes around to a well-thought conclusion. I knew that once he went throught the predicted stages, he would be in our corner and would help to bring Mom around, because Dad has deep respect appreciation for people who make mistakes and then admit the mistake and try to make up for it. he was always telling us "It's never too late to do the right thing." So I knew that no matter how angry he was with my h at first, he would have to take into consideration all my h had done since to repair the marriage. My mom, on the hand, is a brooder. She will seem to take something ok, only to have the anger simmering under the surface, waiting to boil over later. So I told Dad and he said, yelled, "Just Divorce the SOB. That young man will never set foot in my house again, etc.etc." Then he and I talked for a while and he came around, and finally agreed to talk to mom about me having something to tell her and that it was important for her to listen to all of what I had to say and try to come to terms with it. Anyway, yes, at first things were a bit rocky between h and my folks. But now they are closer than ever. My Dad just bought h a work truck and my mom bakes cookies especially for h - ones that she knows I don't really care for and subsequently don't make too often here. I'd say the best thing is to be honest, to show that your h takes the full blame for what he did, and to point out that he is now doing the right thing. allow them to rant and carry on - it's only natural for a parent to do so after somebody has injured their child. Keep calm and remind them of how much you and h love each other. In time, I'm betting your h and your parents will be closer than ever. good choices in bad times seem to draw people closer.<BR>Good luck,<BR>cd