Just when you think you are handling things kinda OK, it all gets blown apart. I am struggling really hard this week. I have lots of anger boiling inside, thought I was past that point. I had a confrontation with OW Monday. OW has been calling my home for about a month now, but the problem is she hangs up almost everytime I answer (H does not answer phone because he does not want to talk to her). Well, Monday I took all of this I wanted and phoned her back and told her to stop, that this was a form of harrassment, or I would report the number calling me to the phone company. She hung up on me and about 45 minute later she was in my driveway (with her mother). Yes, she knows where we live. She was livid!! To sum up what she said....she thinks I live in a fantasy world, that I control my H and he's afraid of me and what I would do if he left, that he doesn't love me, blah, blah, blah.....Oh, boy. I wish I had reacted better, (she is alot younger than me) but I was on the defense. I wish I could have stayed quiet and let her go away unsure of me. My H came home during our "talk" (which took place outside of where my kid's might hear).When it was done, sped out of our yard still yelling. My H was very sorry and said I didn't deserve that (she was nasty) and was supportive of the phone call I made to her. But...it has brought old feelings back I thought I had conquered. I felt dirty after she left. So, I have struggled all week with this anger more at him than her. I just wish we knew for sure what was going to happen when the OC is born (due in March) and we find out if H is the father.<P>Feeling very low....jessie

Oh jessie. How awful. And what if your kids heard it? <BR>I know you dont want or need a lecture right now, but this is another example of how being confrontational with the ow just feeds their fire and gives them more power. i would advise both you and h to:<BR>1. Change your number immediately to an unlisted one<BR>2. Definitely report calls as harrassment. There are laws in place against repeat hang-up calls.<BR>3. Begin keeping a specific log of dates and times in which she calls. This will be needed in case you do press harassment charges.<BR>4. Post "no trespassing" signs in your yard or on your house. That way she cannot STEP on your property again.<BR>these are positive steps you can take to remedy the immediate situation, without getting drawn into another confrontation.<BR>As I have been preaching lately, the ow want nothing more than to know that they upset you. Don't put yourself in any position in which she can leave you feeling "dirty" again. The shame is on her, not on you. Don't give up.<BR>with love<BR>cd

Jessie, <P>An easy way to keep track of her hang up calls is to get a caller id box. If you get it with the "anonymous call block" there is no way she can call without you knowing what number she is using. You don't have to delete the calls from the log right away, and can use that as evidence if need be. We have gotten a few strange calls, about once a month. When I got one yesterday, and the *69 stated that it was a blocked call, I decided to get the caller id re-installed with the call block. I just didn't feel safe, especially with my H being in and out with his job lately. It's one thing to have to back yourself up with if you need it for a TRO or harrassment suit. Just some ideas.<P>Tigger

I'm so sorry this happened. These women are dilutional and it sucks that it affects our peace of mind. You and your H keep up the good work.<P>angels to you,<BR>J

Jessie,<P>I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad week. I think that keeping track of the hang-ups and reporting her is the best thing to do in this situation. I would not call her again. You don't want her to know that she is getting to you, even if she is! Once harrassment charges are filed, I'm pretty sure her intolerable behavior will stop. In the meantime, keep your head up--we only have about a month to go to find out if OC is our H's. <P>Dolphin

Thanks to you all for the encouragement!!<BR>Here's an update. My H and I had a great talk over the weekend. He allowed me to express how I was feeling, we didn't talk about her or about last Monday, we just talked about my insecure feelings and how I am trying to build my trust in him back. He was so supportive and expressed to me how much he needed me to get through all this. I also had a good cry at the altar last night. I know the Lord's hand is on me and my family right now, what a blessing to know the Lord.<BR>and....<BR>We have just recently got caller ID and I did put the anonymous caller block on. I will start keeping the log, so should the calls continue I will have my information together.<P>I have learned from this one....I will not let her control me!!!! Thanks again for listening......with love jessie<P>P.S. dolphin.....you and I will make it through this!!!with special thanks...jessie<p>[This message has been edited by jessie (edited February 26, 2001).]