I basically writing because I am just ticked off. I know that we all talk about the laws changing. My mom and I were dicussing today how if the ow had two children by the same man she gets 25% of the income, but two different dads, 20% from both. How does that work. If all children should be treated the same, than they should be the same. I hate this!!!<P><BR>I can't stand this situation. We were talking about me getting pregnant this fall. I can't bring myself to do it. I want a child, and all I think about it that whore asking for more money and me not being able to afford diapers for a new baby. I hate her!! Like $600 isn't going to be enough for the next fifteen years, give me a break. it just burns me up that not only does she steal part of my marriage, my diginity, and my peace of mind. Every three years she can come back and trudge it all over. How do some of you that are years into it face that unknowing?? <P>I don't know how we will ever get ahead. I want my life back. Even though I get farther from the actual one night act, this woman will always have a say in my life. A say in what car I drive, where I live, and it looks like how many children I have. I mean do I just hope that she doesn't go back to the courts, and refinance a newer car?? Cause if I do, and then she does go back, I am screwed. I think that my h and the other guy should split a 25% child support amount. That is how much it would be if both of her kids where from the same man. But because she is a whore, than the law says, hey no morals, well you should have more money. But if you give your life to a man, and have a marriage for twenty years than you should get less, than the ow. My mind can't even wrap around that, it makes me so upset. I really think I am going crazy with anger. I really wish she would hurt, real pain. I can feel my brain plotting like I did when I first found out. How could I get rid of the ow, I know evil thoughts. I can't even type anymore, I am so upset. I don't want an extravagant life, just to be able to have a couple kids, and a average home. I need some tlc for myself, a facial, massage, something. I can't even afford to get my hair cut, let alone anything special. What a life, not only does this happen, I can't even treat myself, or my daughter to anything, we have so much less than before. thanks for letting me ramble...<P>babstr.

Vent on, Babstr. I know this is your pet grievance and well entitled to it. I completely agree with you and understand.<P>Not only did that whore take everything meaningful from you, knowingly, but she didn't care what impact it had on your and your family. I plot, too, Babstr. I think we all do.<P>If this was the wild west and she were a horse thief, she'd be hanged. Now there's a cheery thought.<P>The court system is corrupt and evil and rewards these pigs for their destructive and self serving behavior. There are no penalties for their behavior under the guise of doing what's right for the poor child. Give me a break. If the whore did what was right for the child, she never would have been with a maaried man to begin with, allowed herself to get pregnant in the first place or given the child up for adoption.<P>So, Babstr, if it is extraordinary income shares for the 'poor child', that poor child is making victims out of the poor children in your home.<P>I empathize.<P>Catnip =^^=

Oh Babstr,<P>We all feel for your anger today. The laws on this issue are antiquated and unfair! Those days of married men taking advantage of unsuspecting single women are long gone. Now the vipers are out there searching for men who have good incomes and good families so that they can destroy their lives.<P>What is really sad is that a woman can do these things to another woman. How can you say you care about your child while you're sentencing other people's children to lifelong suffering?<P>The whole situation stinks and I think every one of us should be writing to our state representatives on a weekly basis demanding child support reform. <P>I believe that parents should be responsible for their children, but no one parent should be taken to the cleaners simply on the whim and fancy of another who has control of the baby receptacle.<P>Vent anytime you want Babstr... we will all join in.<P>And, Catnip, I don't see why there is such disdain for public hanging -- it would work for me!<P>love,<BR>heavenly<BR>

Babstr,<BR>I am off on my own little "wallowing in self-pity" session, so forgive me for being brief.<P>Some years down the road, ow's control over you will end. oc will grow up, your h's cs obligations will cease.<P>At that point you will still be a happily married woman with a great family - an intact family. If you never are able to give your kid(s) one stinking luxury item, you will still have given them the greatest gift a mom can give a child - their dad.<P>She can NEVER give her child that gift. Oc will know it and will hold her accountable. Wait and see. Watch as the oc becomes another pitiful statistic. It will happen, one way or another. All because of what Mom CAN NEVER provide.<P>May not seem like crap for consolation now-I know I have a hard time remembering it- but I do know that no matter what is happening now - in the end YOU WIN.<BR>-cd

Can I please vent along with ya'll ?<BR>We got ANOTHER medical bill from slut dog b**ch today. She now has my husband listed as the responsible party at anothers Dr. office. AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!!<BR>I feel like I have been kissing this whore's [censored] long enough.<BR>Hubby just wants to bury his head in the sand and hope it will go away.<BR>We had planned to buy a new house this spring but we won't be able to because we never know when she is going to decide to up the cs. I swear, it's like she has hit the lottery.<BR>Sorry, just really pissed tonight.<P>Jtigger

By the way, I do not agree with those who think public hanging is the way to go. Fifteen seconds and their suffering would be over. If you watch the very end of Braveheart - now that is a public execution worth doing.<P>For those who are offended by the violent implications: I would also consider bringing back the scarlet letter in leiu of death by torture - as long as the letter was branded on the forehead. I would be agreeable to that, yes I would.<BR>-cd

babstr,<P>the system sucks. it doesn't pay to do things the "right way" like we did. why get married and have children from one man? when you can make lots of money having different kids from different men?? <P>i remember when i was single and struggling to pay for school full time and working full time, if i had just got pregnant, i could have easily qualified for all kinds of financial aid. because i would no longer be supposedly under my parents financial responsibility. i moved out at age 16 and worked full time ever since. how should my dad's income have to count? i was furious. i did things the right way, but got burned.<P>and that is exactly what is happening to you, and i feel your pain. it is unfair, plain and simple. the government rewards people for having kids out of wedlock, not being married, etc. and you get even more if you have a couple of them with different dads, that is the way to go... it makes me sick.<P>sorry you are suffering babstr. but here is where we vent. it helps us all on some level, to get out our frustrations. my prayers for you girlfriend...<P>happy_girl

Yes, we all have to just break down and vent on occasion. Ladies, you are all as close to saints as I think I will ever meet. So to finally blow off a little steam over the fact that you are continually getting beat up... well that is definately allowed in my book.<P>Babstr, your post reminds me of one I did a few months back on marriage basically being worthless. My premise is, if you take all the facts on how these OW and OC are dealt with by courts and legal system, well then why ever get married? Just screw around & get a couple of kids by different men & financially you are a LOT better off. My lawyer basically told me that the only recourse I have in all this is to divorce my husband if I wanted "justice". That is my only option in the courts. Yet OW can just keep on taking & taking. It isn't right and it is't "family friendly" in any shape, form or fashion. <P>In our crazy world we have decided that it is terrible to inflict any financial harm on a child just because they are born out of wedlock. Lawmakers do not want to get into "morality" issues, yet they all want to appear on the surface to be "family friendly". I am sorry, you just cannot have it both ways. You cannot be pro-family without also being pro-morality and offending a few folks. <P>I am not as right-wing as I may sound in this post. Probably fairly liberal actually. But that does not mean I have thrown away my expectations of morality and "doing the right thing". Oh well, I am rambling. Been taking cold medicine and who knows what I am spewing on about. I am sure I will read this post & edit it later. <P>Take care Babstr. Please don't ever appologize in life for wanting a decent life for your children and for going into "attack mode" against anyone who tries to damage your children's lives. Carolyn <p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited February 27, 2001).]

Thank you everyone for writing back. Well I paid for my rant last night. I had a severe migraine and was in pain, crying because the pain was so bad. That is why I have to try and keep it in check because my body will dish it out if the stress gets to high. <P>I hate to be angry about money. But it is hard. We got our tax refund, $1100. We really need a new mattress set by back is messed up from sleeping on a waterbed. We need new furniture, stains and tears on the couches and it is all second hand. Both cars need tires, they are going bald. Wanted to get our daughter a swing set, and wanted to look for a puppy this summer. Well needless to say that won't stretch to cover all of those things. This is the only extra money we will get all year, otherwise it is check to check. So then I think about what I could do with $600 a month, so much. I have gotten rid of any extras in our lives, so no way to trim there. <P>But all in all it is like having a sore, and every month that scab gets pulled off. So of course it will never heal correctly. I told my h I could handle the amount, if I knew from here on any progress we make is ours. But she can take that too. It is pretty hard to realize that all of my husband's raises will go to child support. Fifteen more years of this crap. I also hate thinking that time will go and I will look at my precious daughter and she will be off to college. It really makes it hard, after all I don't want her to grow up too fast. I am just tired of thinking about this. Like I said I try to think of it as a loan payment. But the fact that our life can never progress for fifteen years because that loan increases every three years makes it impossible. I can budget around anything, but I can't budget around invisible factors. I pray everyday that she will take the amount that she gets and be happy. Lord knows I could survive on that, but of course my heart drops to think of the type of person I am dealing with. of course we have all of those other fears, the child showing up. I know my h can handle that. I just don't want them to get to my daughter, those might be killing words. I better stop before I turn this headache into full blown pain. thank you everyone. I am trying to concentrate on the joy that my daughter has when she plays with her mommy and daddy, and one day when she will dance with her daddy at her wedding. Those are things that ow will never understand, and the oc won't have. <P>babstr.<BR>