anOW, <BR>My h also tried to be in on the decision with oc he not only told her to get abortion he gave her the money to get it. She refused so he then told her to find someone else to be the kids dad cause he was not. Only one that seemed to get to make any decisions in all of this was her by rapeing his pay check every week. flowerseed

flowerseed,<BR>My H would have told ow to get an abortion but she never told him she was pregnant until the day after the baby was born. She told him she "didn't know " she was pregnant . PLEEEAASE!!!!!!!!!<P>Jtigger

Oh tigger I just about died over that one thats to funny. Maybe she looked like our poster ow and couldnt tell if that was a roll or a baby. with love flowerseed

LOL

CD, you say what I would like to say, but better! Totally agree with the who-came-first primary responsibility bit! If MM had as much say in the child's future as it's mother, then we could talk turkey, but men are just the gravy train.<P>anOW, let's say you're the man and you and the mother/child live far apart? How would you like 17 to 30% of your income to go to a child who you've got NO INPUT as to how it is raised?? <P>Would you call that neglecting your responsibilities?? <P>Would you put out ANOTHER 20% of your income for infrequent visitation?? How much can once/month or every few months mean to a child? That much of your income? No, this isn't a theory, this is MY life.<P>Now add a couple kids with a different woman, kids you planned and wanted and raise with your own values, the loving wife you never meant to hurt, and what surprise...? the OC comes out last, living whatever life the mother insisted on.

<P>[This message has been edited by bridgeovertroubledwater (edited March 05, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by bridgeovertroubledwater (edited March 05, 2001).]

If you can understand all we have all been through, then why is it so difficult for you to understand our anger and bitterness?<P>We're trying to let this thread die out. Just let it go.<P>Catnip -=^^=

anOW,<P>I want to thank you for this thread. After reading the posts and specifically your posts, I think I have finally reached an understanding of this profoundly complex situation. <P>You are absolutely right, a man should take responsibility for an child he helps produce. Whether that man is 17 year old, or a lover, or whatever. Indeed where I live, CA, the state has sued a boy, 13, who was statuetorially (sp) raped by a 25 year old woman for child support. She was a teacher and got pregnant by this boy, who was 12???. The state now wants him to support the child, although she was convicted of statuetory rape. Meaning it has been judged by law that he was too young to understand the consequences of his consent, just as it is true for women. Yeah, men have it so easy.<P>I have always felt that women have gotten a free ride in this matter.<P>The man has no say in adoption, abortion, raising the child, not even in the level of support (the issue of support is not a issue, just the level). I couldn't figure out how this situation could be reconcilled. I mean it is so onesided. anOW, you even claim that the man is at fault if he takes precautions to prevent pregnancy and the woman doesn't.<P>Well, I think I know an answer that would suit me, if I were in this situation. I believe in fairness, that the OW should be required to help support the Man's off spring as well. After all she helped destroy the family financially. She is taking away from his children, she is partially responsible for their diminished financial future.<P>So while the woman gets to make all of the calls with regard to the children, if she expects to obtain a percentage of his salary to help raise her child, she should be required to financially support his children. <P>AFter all she willingly slept with and risked pregnancy with a married man. So the natural consequence is that now that she has entwined herself into his life, she should help support it. As long as we are talking about what is best for children, all of the children should be considered, and the OW's action has certainly hurt the previous children of his marriage.<P>So what do you think? Women should take some responsibility for helping reduce the future of other children besides her own. I mean you have done and are required to do absolutely nothing if it doesn't suit you and what you think is best for the child. But in the process you have hurt other children. At least you ought to have to be somewhat responsible for what you have done to them.<P>Seems fair to me.<P>JL<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited March 02, 2001).]

anow<P>It is sad to hear that in a few short weeks there will be another child brought into this world by a mother who gave little thought to her child's future or welfare.<P>You and your friend chose to be together<BR>You and your friend brought about this child<BR>Now your child will suffer the consequences<BR>for you and your friend choices.<P>Everyday i am faced with choices, and i could easily go out and the the same thing my h did to me, but i have to keep in mind about the consequences for my actions and wonder about who will get hurt from my behavior. These are questions that SHOULD have goned thru your head before you thoguht about your own self needs.<BR>