This forum was started in May 1999. That is when I started posting. Its purpose was to establish a forum for those who had a spouse that had cheated and had a child from that relationship. We are here to support one another and learn from one another. It is usually a supportive group, a positive group.<BR> Like Comfort on her post, I think it is time we got back to that. We have had a few OW encroach upon us but we have dealt with them. Maybe now we need to agree that all posts from OW or (OM) will not be acknowledged if they are offensive. However not censor anyone or restrict anyone, let everyone be his/her own judge of what they find offensive. <BR> We do live in a free society, however, our freedoms end when they start to interfere with another's freedoms. <BR> We don't have to<BR> restrict them from posting, we just will not react or respond. Just like in our own personal situations, we will not give them power over us or allow them to hurt us. If they were really "nice" people they would not get involved with someone married. They cannot justify their actions by saying "we are in love. He/she does not love their marriage partner." A married person does not have the right to get involved outside of the marriage. A single person can get involved with whomever he chooses so long as all involved are single.<BR>Finally, what ever they have to say, they always want to cast blame upon the abandoned spouse. They never want to accept their own responsibility. Most of us acknowledge that our cheating spouses had choices; but that "lover" had choices also. They could have always said, "Come back when you are free." They could both done their best to insure a child was not produced from the affair. (Talk about lack of responsibility.)<BR> Ultimately, the ones who suffer the most are the wife/husband of a cheating spouse and their children. Then the child of the affair. No one wins in these situations, but these OW sure seem to believe they did or they should.<BR> Well enough from me. Please respond, I hope I have not offended anyone. And I look forward to reading any and all responses. As for OW, I will not respond on this thread or anyother unless they truly, positively contribute to the main purpose here. That purpose I feel is:<BR> Provide support for others who are dealing with an affair, recovering their marriage from it and dealing with an OC.<BR> Texasgirl<p>[This message has been edited by Texasgirl (edited March 03, 2001).]

Nah, you didn't offend me, Texasgirl, because you're right and Comfort was right. I do think it is overreacting, though, to threaten to leave just because we got off on a tangent.<P>This is a forum. A forum with a purpose. A place to come and say whatever we want. A place to come to learn, grown, make decisions, tell our stories and find comfort and friendship and guidance from people suffering from the same tragedies we are experiencing. A place to heal.<P>I do agree that we can agree to not respond to any OW's that happen on this site, and we can try, but to guarantee that someone won't be tempted to strike out, will be able to ignore a remark or a newcomer that doesn't know what we have agreed upon getting caught up into the mix, is unrealistic.<P>While getting all enmeshed with anOW was probably stupid and a huge waste of time, I don't think it is worth anyone getting all upset about it. <P>Our forum is not tarnished or tainted and we are not perfect and to expect that is uunrealistic as well. I personally cannot be held to a specific rigid set of mandates. My life is already controlled by outsiders (OW) and coming here to help others, vent my pain or spar with OW's or whatever reason, is and should be OK.<P>But, I can promise I will try, TG, to control my desire to be combative when OW's happen on this site and will work diligently to ignore their baiting.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

texasgirl, i agree with you. and i myself will no longer get involved with these types of OW that are obviously here to provoke the very response that we give them, and they are probably loving every minute of it. you made very good points, and i too hope that this forum can return to where it was before. a place where the people involved are working on a marriage that is trying to overcome an affair that produced a child.<P>happy_girl

Thanks, Catnip, as usual you always have a good response. I agree that leaving because of those posters is nonproductive, so is giving them a response. Therefore, instead of responding to that "OW" post, create a new one to those of us who love you and support you. That's why we are here, to help each other vent and share our pain in our situations and our successes. so turn to us and tell us how stupid that post was. To respond to them directly gives them status here we do not want to give them. This is not their place, it is ours.

I am very new to this forum and I must say that all of the posts I have received in relation to my situation have be kind, caring and helpful. I was actually so pleased to have found this forum. For a couple of years that I have been dealing with this OC situaltion and the strugles in court about support and visitation, I felt so isolated from "normal people " with "normal lives" I felt as if my world was crumbling and no one else could possibly know what I was going thru or how I felt. I did recieve comfort and help from a couple of close friend and family members, but still always felt isolated. I was so amazed to read and write to those who actually could really relate to my experiences. Then I read the posts from aNow, I was actually quite puzzled and anoyyed that she would post here. However, being new I decided to stay away and just read a few now and then. I have to say she really burned me up and I did enjoy reading everyones responses to her. I feel that the OW in my life does not deserve my time and energy. It is too vauable and would be better used on myself and my family. When I first found out my whole mess, one of the first things I said to myself and my H. No matter what happens from here on, I refuse to allow her to ruin my life and the lives of my two beautiful children. I have stuck to that and will always stand my ground on it. I feel this has helped me survive as long as I have almost 3 years. Anyway, Flowerseed, Heavenly, CD and the others who have written to me your posts to me have been wonderful as a new comer and I appreciate it. I do agree we should try to ignore immature posts from OW, that is my personal belief for my situation and what has helped me up to now. GABI 1116

Hi Texasgirl,<P>I smiled at this post. You have a point. I responded as if it were MY ow.(my? ha..ha..).<P>I read her out of curiosity. <P>If anow posts again I will try to remember she is not involved w/me at all. Just a stranger.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Texasgirl,<P>Well said! I am 100% behind you. This forum has meant a lot to me and has helped me personally develop and deal with my own OW/OC situation. <P>I would like to see it continue inthe same vein -- helping others to get their marriages (relationships) back on track.<P>You may not post often, Texasgirl, but I always appreciate it when you do.<P>Also, special thanks to Gabi -- helping those who are new to this game brings us all a special sense of satisfaction.<P>love<BR>- heavenly

Thanks you all for responding and kind words. There is no one else who can possibly understand what we betrayed spouses have endured to get where we are. For an OW to come here for "support", "forgiveness" or validation of their affairs is wrong. Their perspective is so different from ours. Well I have said enough. I look forward to watching us all grow beyond these events in our lives and hopefully the wishes we all have for ourselves, our spouses and our children, the children of our relationships will fulfilled.