I did as suggested and decided to cut all contact with my friend. Well, he called this morning and fussed me out saying that I'm supposed to be his best friend and when he needs me most I turned my back on him. He syas that with his wife not talking to him and me shutting him out, he has no one to talk to and now he is all alone. I felt so terrible. I told him I thought that I was doing what was best for him and he said that cutting off all contact was NOT best for him or his marriage if that's what I was trying to do because now he's mad about losing his best friend and he's taking it out on her. I have no intentions of getting "physical" with him, so I don't understand why he can't explain that we are JUST FRIENDS in the first place but for whatever reason, he says that still won't work. He wanted to see me and I refused to go meet him and told him that we could speak over the phone. He is a good friend and I can't stand him being mad at me, but I do want him to work on his marriage. He was not very open to the idea of coming to this site either. I don't know what I should do now.

Onlyfriends,<P>I didn't post to your other thread, because I wasn't sure quite what to say. But, you need to continue the no contact. He is saying that you are his best friend, and that's not the way it should be. His wife should be his best friend, in all things. They should be able to share everything with eachother, before anyone else. That is a mistake that my H and I have made too many times, but have now corrected. He has no right being mad at you for not going to meet him. As was stated in your other thread, it doesn't have to physical to be an affair. What is going on is an Emotional Affair, which can be even more damaging than a physical affair. The main reason is what I stated above about needing to have a husband and wife be best friends, and to come first, above all others. They need to work on their marriage, and can't do that if he runs to you to "cheer up" by just spending time with you. It may have been a long time that you two have had this friendship, but eventually, it could end up being physical. Your friend and his wife need to seek counseling. I don't have the number for the Harley's, but I do know that you can get it off this site. If your friend wants his marriage to work, he needs to see that you are, in fact, thinking of him and his marriage in your decision to cut contact. I understand it can be hard, cutting contact with someone you have gotten close to, but he needs to think of his marriage first.<P>Tigger

He is testing you. He's trying to return to the status quo, to continue using you to avoid his life. When one corner of a triangle bows out, all the energy is left for the 2. If the marriage fails, it is not your responsibility; it is theirs. If he refuses to get help or starts another relationship, that too is his. You are not a marriage counselor. <P>Have you gotten any of the reading or help suggested to you? It would help YOU. Think of all the energy you've lost from your own life to this.<P>Best wishes,<BR>J

Onlyfriends:<P>This guy sounds terribly manipulative. I can't get over how he puts the responsibility of how he treats his wife onto you, as if you have the power to impact her life unwittingly. I don't get it and he sounds like he is either evil or selfish.<P>I think he is hoping you will succumb to a physical affair and is shining you on to make you think you mean more to him than you do in an effort to get into your shorts.<P>Just my opinion, onlyfiends, but I'd watch this guy's motives, cut all contact with him and if he gives you this guilt trip and cries on your shoulder, you don't want this manipulative big baby who shoves the responsibility of wife abuse onto you. What a con job. What kind of friend is that that would do that to you?<P>I feel sorry for his poor clueless wife. I bet she would be floored to know the things he said to you...and I bet you would be floored to hear the things he says to her!<P>Catnip =^^= <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited March 03, 2001).]