I don't know what else to do. My H is sooo stressed out from spreading himself thin ant work and with OTHER things, that he is taking it out on us, his family. Idon't know how to help him anymore. I am completely frustrated. H e has too many irons in the fire and I am getting burned. Two days ago , he started freaking out for no reason. Saying things like maybe this isn't working out and he needs to get everybody out of his life. And that he is tired of working a million hours in a day and having nothing else. What? I am p&&@# off about those statements. He is the workaholic ,not me. I have made this home for him and it is a good one. Peaceful and loving. I rarely question him at all. What in the hell else does he want? Last night I wrote him a note and told him that if he doesn't wnat me ,then to hell with him .I am off of this roller coaster. He then says I don't like that note at all. Well /too effin bad! What I really think is that the ow is giving him hell again about SOMETHING and he is taking it out on me. But of course as he says that is his personal business that he won;t discuss with me.

blue, I think you know that you are dealing with the symptom of something deeper. Many workaholics are using that flurry of activity to keep from having an emotional attachment. That is where I would start investigating. Problem with workaholocis is that they cannot usually hold it all together for very long. Something will give. Then they blow, and since the emotional attachment is missing... well you know what you get. You get someone screaming at you "they are tired and have nothing". Of course they have nothing. Jobs don't fill emotional needs. You can poor hours and hours into a job, but it will always leave you feeling emotionally unattached, phsically drained, and usually under-appreciated and under-compensated. Workaholics become angry people too often.<P>His working all the time is a marital issue. Check "meeting each others needs" out in the Harley material. I bet working all the time is not one of your needs from him. Start with that & take those issues back to your counselor (still in counseling right?). See if that helps.<P>Take care... Carolyn

Blue:<P>I agree with Carolyn. Also consider that many work junkies use work to distance themselves from their spouses because to get too close is threatening or scary for them.<P>You're going through a very difficult time right now because your husband is not thinking of you or the heartache you've endured. Once he realizes this isn't just about him, (maybe his offensive attitude is to counteract his feelings of guilt) perhaps he will begin to give you the reassurance and consideration you need.<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear Blue...OUCH! My H went thru something very similar....he went thru it for about a year. A long difficult year. What his basic problem was that he didnt want to deal with the guilt. The ow made him feel guilty for "abondoning" her and "his" daughter. And of course he felt guilty every time he even looked at me, so what did he do? He was a complete jerk 24/7. I couldnt even begin to try and discuss the affair and the effect it had on me bc he would just blow up or say he didnt remember. It was horrible. He acted like he didnt care about us and I think he wanted me to leave him, just so he wouldnt have to deal with it. (he has always run from him problems)<BR>Anyway I had enough of his crap so I started doing for me and myself. I got a job whether he liked it or not and started taking myseld and my daughter to church so I started feeling better about myself. I think during this transition for myself is when he started respecting me again. I know it doesnt make sense but I think he lost some respect for me when I stayed. But then again is it possible to respect someone else, when you have no respect for yourself?<BR>Anyway what finally happened is the ow said something way over the edge to me and he cut all ties with her at that moment. He said she was deliberately trying to hurt me and that he wouldnt stand for (how ironic). I dont know if she was trying to hurt me or not but had definately flipped her lid. It could be that she gave him the excuse he was looking for to get rid fo her. From that day forward he has been working with me to improve our marriage.<BR>He also through himself into his work and was always griping that he worked so hard and had nothing to show for it ...blah blah blah.<BR>I did set some boundaries though and ow was a big one of those. I take it your ow is still in his life. Sounds like she still has control over him. So did my ow. I still felt like I was sharing him although I know there was nothing physical going on. We were on the other coast. <BR>My advice for you blue would be to set some boundaries concerning ow and what you will NOT put up with and stick with them. Hang in there and most importantly PRAY. God was my biggest support...I was not even aware of this board when everything was going on. And although I love the wonderful people on this board with all my heart, God is still my all. I will pray for you blue.<BR>Love<BR>BrokenWings

oh blue... i'm soooo sorry. my H has had a rendition of this. When I start crying about the affair he gets mad and says inconsiderate things. I think it stems from his guilt. So I have to be very careful not to cry when I talk about how I feel. If I can hold back the tears we can have a civil discussion. Tears = Drama.<P>Good luck sweetie. The advice given by taking care and catnip was perfect. (purrrfect, no pun intended Catnip)<P><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Meow.<P>Catnip =^^=