OC's birthday is this week. It has really sent me into a tailspin.<BR>You would think after 2 1/2 years I would be past these feelings. To make matters worse I have to be out of town that day. Those long trips give me too much time alone to think.<BR>Jtigger

Dear Jtigger,<BR>There there, it will be ok. I know how rough it can be to be reminded about this stuff. Dates are particularly bad. I am fortunate in that I didn't make note of what day exactly D Day fell on, so I don't have to be afraid of that date bothering me. Oc's birthday is always tough for me though, especially since her bday is 2 days after my second sons. so when we celebrate his bday, I am always thinking about how oc will be the same age just two days later.<BR>Hang in there - I'll pray that god gives you peace of mind.<BR>with love<BR>-cd

cd,<BR>Thank you !!<BR>D-day for me is Sept. 24 at 7:24 pm. I will never forget the exact moment. I found out about the affair, the kid and everything.<BR>Hubby didn't even realize oc birthday was this week. He tells me just to blow it off. It doesn't mean anything.<BR>I wish I could just blow it off.<BR>Jtigger

Dear jtigger,<P>I would recommend that on oc's birthday, you do something extremely out of the ordinary and memorable. When I have a hard time with certain times, I try to do this, to kind of "cover up" the bad memories with good memories. for example, I am very "smell sensitive". Certain smells bring back certain memories. Like the smell of summer rain, for a long time, would take me back to a day when the affair was going on that I was driving around in August, in the rain, trying to figure out where ow's new apartment was so that I could at least know where h was staying. the memory of my desperation and anguish would come back so clear and vividly it would almost bring me to my knees. so I started to try to "bury" that scent-memory under a pile of good scent-memories. When it would rain in August, i would grab my h and push him out into the rain and we would stand there and neck like teenagers while our little boys splashed in the puddles around us. (Not recommended during thunderstorms, of course) so this year when the warm summer rains come, I am hopeful the smell will evoke much more pleasant thoughts. And if it doesn't, I will just have to continue kissing in the rain until it does.<P>Anyway, on oc's birthday, why don't you do something completely wild and crazy and good that will forever overshadow the day's "other" meaning. Stop by your h's workplace wearing a long coat with nothing underneath and flash him discreetly, or something along those lines. I can at least guarantee that oc's birthday will be the last thing on your h's mind. And probably yours too. Or if you are feeling less adventurous, plan something for the two of you to do together. It's hard to concentrate on oc if you are frantically trying to beat h at a round of miniature golf.<P>With love,<BR>-cd

tigger,<BR>I dont think I can top c.d. ideas. I like the raincoat thing. I had a hard time last year getting thru the oc 1st birthday. I made it with all the help I got here. I went shopping and bought our little girl a new coat. In time the more we can fill the bad with good I think it will surly fade away. Hope your feeling better today. with love flowerseed

There, there, from me too. I'm not as far along in this as you guys are, but each 13th of the month reminds me!<P>cd your rain story was wonderful.<P>I had just finished my treadmill when I found out. H stopped home in the morning to tell me.<P>Well my treadmill on the back porch reminded me of how good it was to run before I found out and that moment I got off my life changed. I couldn't use it again. Or go out back without feeling horrible.<P>Well one "warmer" Saturday night in January...we were well ...you know....and all of a sudden my H opened french doors to porch and took me out back and pulled out a chair from the table next to treadmill and we finished outside!!! My goodness...poof....a new better memory!<P>We must create new happier memories. You know we should remember all the others we've shared and will continue to share and to heck with the awful ones.<P>(There goes that sera-fem again doing all the talking! ha ha ha )<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

cd and Gem: I read your posts, took a cold shower and have returned to tell Jtigger that your ideas on how to cover bad memories with new ones is excellent. <P>I have a tough time with looking at photographs of my husband before his fall from grace. I look at the picture of him and think "This is when he was mine and mine alone." I refuse to buy a Nokia cell phone, can't drive by the health club, detest Halloween and Thanksgiving, can't stand to hear about NY or Texas, refuse to look at baby ads on TV...oh, and so much, much more.<P>While I still get 'twinges' about all these triggers I have mentioned, none of it bothers me as much as it used to as we are making new memories every day.<P>I love the deversions cd and Gem have incorporated into their marriages. Jtigger, you and I can take a page out of their book. <P>There, there, Jtigger...it will be OK...it will get better...really!<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

<BR>Thank you all for the responses. I feel fooloish that this still bothers me.<BR>I actually have done the coat thing before. Except it was a long leather coat and not a rain coat.<BR>I will be on the road traveling all day. Too much time to think.<BR>Jtigger

jtigger,<BR>Since your going to be on the road the only rhing I can think of is crank the music up. What I have to do is listen to the type of music I used to listen to before I meant h. Which is hard rock he changed me over to country music. I still cant stand to even liston to country anymore it still makes me sick. Maybe hubby will do something great to help you through this. Its not silly we all go through this. with love flowerseed