Gem,<BR>C.d. just said what I was going to it took me a while to come up with this myself. I have been thinking about this for a while now and it just hit me and walla there it was all in words already. Isnt it wonderful how one person can ask something and it helps so many people. I wonder if your h isnt in some strange way trying to make you not love him anymore so he can feel less guilty when the oc is born. My h did some strange things before this all came out he did everything in his power to make me hate him 6 months worth but I keep hanging on not knowing what was going on in his head. I thought he was on drugs at one point. When he finally pushed me to the point that I did hate him and booted his butt out that was when he decided that his family was what he wanted most. He is very lucky that I was willing to try again. I think he knows that now. I really hated him to the point of wishing he was dead. If it would have not been for our little girl.Him telling me of the cheating would have been all I would have needed to close the door on us forever. The reason for all his nutty behavoir was so I would be the one to end it and then he would not have to tell me that he gave himself to someone else and feel anymore guilt then he already was. Like I wouldnt have found out dauuuuhhhh. I just hung on a lot longer then he expected lucky me. Anyhow I think thats the reason for plan B so you dont get to the point that I did and hate the person so bad that you wish they would get ran over by a semi. It took my h around 6 months from begining to end to figure out what he really wanted in this world. About 3 months when he was thinking about cheating and did it. Then it took about 3 more after he actully doinked the slut and told her it would never happen again and then told me.I think thats kinda were you guys might be at in all this. The diffrence is you know about the ow oc while he is going thru this where I didnt. He still acted like a nut. I just didnt know why. When he figures out he is not all that and what is most important to him in his life then he should be more willing to work on fixing the wrong. Give it time gem theres no reason you got to run right out and get a divorce you have got this far see what tommorrow brings. with love flowerseed

Gem,<P>I agree with Floored about your "girls" and not wanting to loose them. I haven't been on the forum but a couple times since getting home, and still am trying to catch up on all the happenings for the 3 days I was out of the loop. To address the "hate" issue, I agree about it being the evil twin of Love, and that the opposite of love being apathy. I think that I am arriving from the hate to the apathy towards our OM. Right now, I do have some fear that he will find out somehow, and try to become involved in our lives again. I will still stick to our decision of using the threat of CS if he tries to force his way back into our lives. I know that is a sore spot with everyone and their OW on this forum, but I see it as the only protection, cause I know he will run from having to support this child, and I don't want him involved in her life at all. My H is her Daddy, and she is his second "Daddy's Girl" and that's the way her life will be. It's been said before, these men, be they your H's or the OM, are just the sperm donors. My H is her TRUE Daddy because he chose to be her Daddy. Your H needs to get off his fence before he ends up castrating himself. Do like Floored said, write that Plan B letter. It will make you feel better, and that you are taking charge of something that has been "out of your hands" from day one. Sorry that I rambled about things, but that's just me Hope I helped at least a little.<P>Love,<BR>Tigger<P>PS, I have some new "girls" right now too, but they will disappear when Abbi is done nursing

Tigger, <BR>That was gooooooooood thanks for the laugh. I never heard the old fence story told quit like that. Oh ya I forgot you got new girls also being your I think 4th child maybe they will hang around a little more. with love flowerseed

Thanks Flowerseed. I know I shouldn't run out yet and get a divorce, I'm so confused.<P>Tigger, how are you and H and Abby?(I forgot how you spelled it.<P>You guys my Mom said if he really wants us to be together he will heed to my way of doing things concerning C and visits.<P>I dropped a letter off a few hrs. ago at his office. He'll get it tomorrow. I stated flat out what I would not tolerate. Including him going to her home to get C. I asked him for HONEST answers on his intentions. Then I will have to decide.<P>Not a great day for me today, thanks for all your help.<P>I wish I could help out everyone else like you guys help me. I don't feel qualified being so new.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem,<P>Abbi, hubby and I are doing great. I am one of the lucky women who don't get the baby blues, so everything is running pretty smoothly here at home. The kids also love their new baby sister.<P>Don't worry about helping others here. Like it's been said before, just posting about your experiences and feelings can help, whether that is your intention or not.<P>I will continue to keep you in my prayers.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Gem,<BR>You help more than you think. There have been sooooooooo many days that you have picked me up and put a smile on my face. Just by posting the question about hate made me really search inside the old noggin and helped to answer alot of things that kept popping up in my head. Everybody here helps in one way or another. with love flowerseed

Dear gem,<BR>don't you know that just being able to talk to other people about this stuff helps me more than anything in the world? When you go through something as terrible as this, it is a great gift to be able to laugh once in a while, and you have made me laugh and smile so many times.<P>I don't think anybody here feels "qualified" to help others. I am over four years into it and I certainly don't think I am doing any better or any worse than anybody else. But just to be able to get this stuff off my chest and get responses from others who really "know how I feel" is so wonderful. <P>In addition, while I was busy getting stuff off my chest, it was quite entertaining to hear about you getting stuff "on your chest" so to speak. hahaha. <P>I am always reminded of a groucho marx quote. when asked why he didn't use his celebrity status to get into prestigious clubs and groups, Groucho said, "I don't want to belong to any organization that would have ME as a member!" That's so true for all of us here. None of us want to be part of a group that would have us under circumstances like this, but aren't we all so glad we are here? I know that I am always glad that YOU are here. <BR>Those couple of days that you were gone, I missed reading your comments and responses.<P>I hope your h reads your letter and takes everything you say very seriously. Let us know how he responds.<P>Tigger - so happy things are going good. I had a bit of the baby blues this last time, but it could just be depression over the ow/oc mess. Who knows? Anyway, keep enjoying your beautiful new baby. when are you going to post her picture on happygirls album so we can all see?<P>cdcollins

CD,<P>We need to get the film developed first. We just keep forgetting to bring it with us whenever we go out. I will send it as soon as we get them developed. I also may get my friend to scan her birth announcement for me, and send that. We'll see which happens first.<P>Tigger