ijust found out 4 days ago my h of 26 yrs. has 12 year old so from ow,i knew of the affair when it happened but just found out about child, my h has had several afffairs over the years, at least 15 that i know of, none for last 3 yrs,<BR>i can't do this anymore, i can't afford to leave, i have ond 11yr. old daughter left at home, thinks her dad is a saint, 2 older daughters married and on their own, I keep blaming myself for everything, what did i keep doing so wrong, how can i still love him, i hear his apologizes, but they are only wordx he says for my benefit, i have got to a point where i don't care about anything, and most of all i hate myself for being so stupid all these years.how can i ever believe in myself again,i'm 43yrs. old no real work skills, and apparently i must be a desperate person to stay all these years, can some one help

befar,<BR>You are not stupid or desperate. Your thoughts are the same most all of us here had when we first found out. You came to the right place you will find a lot of wonderful ladies here that know your pain. The only thing you are guilty of is believing in somebody you love and when they distroy that it feels like the only escape is to die. I felt that same way for over a year until I found this place the ladies and gents here have made me feel diffrent. If your h is really willing to prove he can change and it takes a lot of time you will make it. I have found that if we never worked on the issues that lead up to the cheating. I think history most certainly would have repeated itself again with us.Read the joint agreement policy and see if h is willing to do this with you. If my h could have keep oc from me for 12yrs he would have also. I found out when he was 2 weeks old ow couldnt wait to try to distroy my marriage. I know you think you cant survive this but you can maybe this is what needed to happen in order for your h to get some help for his problems it almost sounds like possibly a sex addiction. I dont know thou thats just my thoughts more ladies will be along to help you soon. So sorry you had to find us. You are not alone befar just remember that. with love flowerseed

I am so sorry you are here. It sounds as though you are married to a serial cheater, Befar, and there is little that can be done with men who have multiple affairs.<P>Just remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Come here and post your thoughts and feelings where it is safe and where you know people will understand. In time, with counseling and studying the Harley pronciples, perhaps you will gather strength and answers to help you make the decisions necessary for your recovery.<P>What you are going through is the most traumatic and devastating thing that can happen to a woman and it takes a long time to get yourselfpulled together again, but it does happen. You can and will recover if you have the desire and the inclination.<P>We're here for you. God bless.<P>Catnip =^^=

Befar, we will help you through your darkest times.<P>You are not stupid. You love with all your heart and want to believe the best in your partner. The betrayal can be devastating.<P>You can and will pull through this. Pray. Counsel. Talk your heart out here. We'll listen.<P>DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!!! Your daughter needs YOU!!!!<P>Bless you, we'll be here for you.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

HELL NO HE ISN'T WORTH IT!!! AND YOU ARE NOT STUPID YOU LOVED YOUR HUSBAND..IF ANYTHING HE'S THE [censored].<P>We will be here for you befar and your life can and will get better. I know you might not think so but you have so much to live for.<P>You will be in my prayers.<P>Love, <BR>Leelee

LeeLee said exactly what I was thinking! No one is worth killing yourself. The only person who should have given their life for someone else is Jesus and he did that for you. You dont have to. He did it for you. Talk to him...pray and we will pray for you. This is a wonderful place to be if you find yourself in this situation. Think about your daughter...I know whe thinks her dad is a saint but do not make her question why mommy would kill herself bc ultimately she will blame herself. I am sure you love her too much to do that to her.<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>broken_wings

Dear befar,<P>The others have said it all so I would only like to add my voice of support. When you discover this awful truth about an OC, those are the darkest days in your married life.<P>An affair is much easier to weather, even though your H has had many. But, the creation of a child, it is something that throws you and it takes a long time to get up. It took me a good 3 to 4 months just to feel human again, to start feeling something other than anger and despair.<P>Try to talk with your H about your feelings, if you can. Also, reading self-help relationship books helped me tremendously. They are available at the library if you don't want to purchase them. Look under marriage, relationships and infidelity.<P>Post here whenever you feel low. Tell us what is going on and lean on us for comfort and support. This is a wonderful forum filled with caring people. We have all been just where you are today, so we understand.<P>God bless you and help you get through these difficult days.<P>love<BR>- heavenly

Dear Befar,<P>Im so sorry for the anguish you are going through.<BR>There are wonderful people here who understand everything<BR>you are experiencing. We come from all walks of life, age<BR>groups, backgrounds, but we all know the pain of finding<BR>this out about the most important person in your life.<BR>You'll be in my prayers! Keep coming here for support.

Befar, I have young children myself, and what keeps me going is thinking of them. You need to do the same for your daugher./she needs you.what galls me most about my H's affair, so atypical of him,never did it before,is his complete recklessness and carelessnes in having unprotected sex or use of contraception, and creating a child that threatens the sanctity of us but more important the security of my kids .I have only known of A and OC for 6 weeks- I am in my 40's, married 25 years, but have young kids. I am rebuilding life with him, for kids, but do not know when I will forgive his lack of regard and recklessness which I think would traumatize kids .My kids need my protection-I look at their beautiful faces and know that in my very being, even as they adore me and their father-for good reason, he is a good Dad. Somehow their good Dad got derailed, why I am not sure, and he is paying the price. But your daughter deserves your protection, needs you here with her.Do not consider suicide. I am in mental health field-children do not get over the death of a parent by suicide. Come here for support, get help from counselor, read getting over affair books, and know we have all been there. I am still in the muck, but 6 weeks out I am better than 1 week into it.I agree-the agony is over the child not the affair for me.When I can forgive the existence of the child, I do not know.But I am hanging in there. You do too. <P>[This message has been edited by lsb (edited June 20, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by lsb (edited June 27, 2001).]