Hi, everybody!<P>We have gotten the mediation questionnairre that needs to be filled out and sent in to the mediator. Just looking at the questions sent me into a tirade because they all refer to ow as "your former spouse".<P>I know that this stuff is geared to divorce situations, and that it is just a standard form, but it really hit me the wrong way. I don't know how to describe it. it's just like once again, my marriage doesnt count and ow is accorded the same respect as a wife would be. That's just silly of me to feel that way, but i did. It was so hard helping my h fill it out tonight, because we had to describe things like his "past relationship with the other parent." Grrrr! At least we had the opportunity to really think out appropriate answers. If the mediator referred to ow as my h's former spouse, I think I would leap over the table and slap him and her both. haha.<P>anyway, that's why I have not been around. I have been super mad about that and about the financial havoc going on due to the cs. I have been a witch with a capital "b" lately, so I didn't think that I'd be very good support to anyone. Sorry about my lack of response lately.<P>i am feeling a little more rational and a lot less "manic-depressive" now so I will try to catch up on what is going on with everybody.<P>With love,<BR>cdcollins<P>

UUHHH...doesnt that just make you sick!!!!! I hate that!

Former Spouse? gggrrrrrrr.......And how was that past relationship? All F'd up I suppose? ha ha ha .....<P>Oh! cd, I don't blame your feelings. <BR>I wish you the best.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

c.d.<BR>I think I would have had to cross all the former spouse out and put something else. You did better than I would have. It would have me going to yahukkkk it makes me angry just thinking about it . with love flowerseed

Dear CDcollins,<P>HI again! I would cross out former spouse and put<BR>whatever you feel the best description is of the OP.<P>Since these ow want all the monetary benefits then <BR>they should be ready to face the WHOLE truth, even<BR>if that means it looks bad for her. She should have<BR>thought about that before all the bad choices.<P>When I handed OP the consent for DNA test there was<BR>a question about alleged fathers relationship with<BR>mother - I put down the truth. There was no relationship!<BR>Why should we sugar coat it - for the innocent oc?<BR>The mother made ALL decisions about how this child<BR>will grow, and all the negative strikes agaisnt him <BR>she put there HERSELF. <P>I can fully understand why that would put you over<BR>the edge for a little while. But like you said,<BR>these forms are generally for divorcing couples.<P>I tried emailing you but had trouble. I would like<BR>to send you a letter this week , hope the offer still<BR>stands. Take care and good luck with the mediation.

Trust me, I was a crossing-out fool on that paper, but I could not think of an "appropriate" word to substitute for "former spouse", so we typed a brief explanation and attached it to the questionnairre. for the question, "What is your present relationship to former spouse?" we crossed out former spouse and wrote "no relationship at all since the end of the affair." I am betting that ow writes all kinds of nasty stuff in response to that question, so I think our simple response will look good in comparison.<BR>Fluke, the offer definitely still stands! I'm looking forward to getting your letter!<BR>Love to all,<BR>cdcollins

c.d. <BR>Good I feel better all ready. I didnt think you would stand for that. It is sweet when the sluts have to face the truth. with love flowerseed

Hey CD,<BR>There are so many more appropriate words I could find to replace that "former spouse" crap!!! Your feelings are more than understandable! Next time things like that hit you the wrong way post a new thread and give us all a chance to fill in with an appropriate word! <P>Take care<p>[This message has been edited by Leelee (edited March 26, 2001).]

Oh, leelee, I would still enjoy hearing your list of "appropriate" words. All mine are too filthy to print here! I'm afraid they would burn the tender eyes of the reader. <BR>cdcollins

c.d.<BR>Mine were so bad I swear I had smoke coming out one of my ears just thinking them. with love flowerseed

CD,<P>You have such a way with words, and writting letters, maybe you could find out who you would need to contact about this awful situation. Let them know that there should be two different forms in this type of situation, one for an actual ex-wife, and one for the colossal screw-up that your/and other H's have made. It is completely unfair to put the wives in your situation through the additional pain to see that the "blind" court system catagorizes these women as a spouse. I know that that is the last thing I want, should it ever make it that far in our situation, to be called his ex-wife! It was a major mistake, not a relationship! They really need to re-examine their wording if they are going to continue to help these OW milk your H's for all they can.<P>On a slightly different note, has anything happened since receiving the paperwork on the CS for you taking the money away from OW? Just curoius.<P>Love,<BR>Tigger

Dear tigger,<BR>Nothing else of great note has happened. We are still waiting for our county to set a modification date for ow's child support. It is taking a long time because of the transfer from the old county to our county. we should know in a couple of days when its gonna be.<P>BTW, I think that your idea to use cs as a threat against om is a terrific idea. In some ways, I think that is the only time cs should be used at all, outside of divorce. I could definitely understand it if we had been the ones to keep ow from going on with her life and finding the oc a new daddy. Then, I think she would have every right to threaten us with cs. however, we left her alone and stuck to the agreement. So we are taking her for visitation/custody. I hope your om has enough sense to just leave you alone. But if he ever tries to interfere in yours and sailorman's life, nail him to the wall!<P>With love,<BR>cd