Hey NGU,<P>I'm in Charlotte. Let me know if you'd like to meet. I'll give you my email address and we can hook up and support one another.<BR>MM

We are looking in the charlotte area. It would be great to meet when we move!We will be down in the area in early april to look at areas. I'm REALLY looking forward to some warm weather. I'll keep you posted as to what we see!

Matthew6:14,15,<P>Where in NC ? I'm on the coast near VA line.<P>Jtigger<BR>

I'm in a suburb of Atlanta, Georgia. Been married almost five years. We have two kids boy=4.5 yrs. and girl=2 yrs. My d-day was Dec. 15, 2000, two days after my birthday. We have after many discussions and debates accepted OC and visitation. We have had OC over for the weekend a couple of times and my kids think their daddy volunteered to be OC father because she didn't have one. Makes him look like a hero until they figure out where babies come from!<P>We are currently struggling with issues other than the OW/OC. Times have been rough around our house. Coming here makes me feel better though.<P><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hey TexasGirl! Havent seen you on here in a while. How have you been? I think it would be neat to meet up when you come to Houston. I will email you. My sister-in-law lives up next to Forth Worth. We considered moving there, but my H has a daughter from a previous relationship here so here we are.<BR>Love<BR>bw

Minnesota is my home and my husband is from Michigan originally.<P>D-Day # 1 was October 26, 1998, D-Day #2 was November 2, 1998, D-Day #3 was January 7, 1999.<P>My husband was sober for nearly 18 years when he resumed drinking which exaggerated his Bipolar I disease. He has always been impulsive but not destructive until he began drinking again. Had a tough time getting and staying sober and still falls off the wagon occasionally but seems to be on the mend now that he has a new opportunity.<P>Married March 1980 and had no problems until February 1998. Divorce (faux) official February 5, 2001. Currently trying to get the court to reduce CS payments to something managable.<P>Have three children between us-all grown. None know of the OC but all know of the affair.<P>we are in recovery and on most days, it goes very well.<P>No OC contact or involvement nor will there be any in the foreseeable future. Just trying to survive.<P>Catnip =^^=

BW, I checked your post. You're in Baytown. Small world. <BR>I grew up in B-town, grad from RSS in '71. My mom & sister are still there, but they know nothing of our "mess". Know nothing of his affair or OC. We were at Ft Knox,ky at the time. My brothers in Houston know everything except about the OC. My mother thinks my H is wonderful, and she would never have forgiven him for this situation. sometimes some things are best left unsaid. Next time we go for extended time will see if can get together. See ya<P>TG

Well, I finally have a little time to finally type this out. <P>Sailorman and I are now the proud parents of a beautiful little(actually big ) baby girl, whom my H chose the name Abbigail Rebekah. For those of you who don't know her date of birth, it was March 19 at 9:52 am, the day after our 12th anniversary. She has been a joy to us, and believe it or not, at my "birthday dinner" on Sat, my H leaned over and said, "I want another one!" I still break out in laughter when I think of him saying that! He jokes that we have room for at least 2 more, till our older 2 move out of the house(6 passenger mini-van), then we can work on more. He is SOOOO funny!!! My biggest concern at this time is, as most of you know, the OM finding out, and trying to have contact with us, or her. Of course, H's name is on the birth certificate, and OM will have to pay any and all fees if he wants to prove otherwise. Yes, when it comes to that, I will be a b!@#$ about it, and make him pay, just to, hopefully, keep him away. We don't feel he has any rights at all in this matter. He signed those away long ago in our eyes. If he wants to see her or claim her as his, he will pay for that privilage, and knowing him and money, he would rather hold on to his precious money than claim Abbi as his. We just want to be able to live the rest of our lives without him in it in any way what-so-ever.<P>That's were we are at at this time.<P>Tigger<P>PS, for those of you waiting, we keep forgetting to take the film out of the camera bag, and since I am writing about it right now, I will go do it so we won't forget again

texasgirl,<BR>I'm in the same spot you are in. My parents think the sun rises and sets on my H so I have told them nothing about A or oc. Sometimes I think I would like to tell my mother but all she would say is that men sometimes do that sort of thing and I should just learn to live with it.<P>Jtigger

just trying to pull up the posts

Hey Txgirl! I graduated from RSS also! You didnt happen to be a Star did you? Talk about small worlds!<P>Jtigger...your sailorman sounds like he has a heart of gold.<P>I havent told any of my family either, I just do not care to hear it. His knows and do not seem to care either way. I am just afraid of the circles in hometowns. That somehow people will find out, ya know. that makes me sick knowing that that could happen one day.<P>Love<BR>bw

our therapist thinks that is the best idea, and says hopefully the OW will do what is best for her child and find someone to parent it. Wise therapist!<p>[This message has been edited by lsb (edited June 20, 2001).]

It's been 2+ years since DDay, when H confessed affair with my "friend" of 3 years; both she and I were 8mo pregnant at the time: total, total devastation. Things today are honestly, surprisingly GOOD, good, GOOD! DH has done everything I asked of him for recovery and more. We never see OC as we are military overseas, but we send OC gifts and open to occassional contact in future if child wants it. (XOW thinks H ought to be playing fulltime daddy--SOOO insane!) We would have preferred complete custody or adoption, but no luck. We have 2 beautiful children together despite losing 4 pregnancies.<P>Prayers for all our families!<BR>J

We are in Arizona. D-day on affair was in feb or march of 1997, those days are a blur to me. then we had another d-day about a year later, which was the rumor that OW had had a baby and that is was H's(which she confirmed, but told him she wanted nothing from him). then in june of 2000 the court papers/reality d-day. soon the cs payments will start, court date is this month. we have been married since feb of 1996.<P>our marriage is wonderful. it is hard to imagine that we are doing so well despite the problems we have had to overcome. it happened so early in our marriage, and we were married young and were not really ready for it. i would do it all over again, even knowing all the consequences. we are happy, and i wouldn't trade it for anything. not that i am glad it happened, but we can't change that now. it is part of us, and part of why we are the couple we are today. <P>i believe every marriage has it's problems. this is ours. i also believe that our marriage is a work in progress, and won't ever be finished. we are constantly learning new things about eachother, and are firmly committed to making our marriage a success forever. h has done everything he can to make up for the pain he caused. i know he is as committed to this as i am.<P>when we first were going to get married, we went to las vegas. we didn't get married then, but did shortly after. we are now planning to renew our vows in las vegas, like we had originally planned. it should be fun. <BR>oh, none of my family knows about affair or OC. my dad thinks my H is a saint and he would be devastated. my h's family knows. only because his brother told them...he talks to much when he is drunk.<BR> <BR>happy_girl<P><p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited April 09, 2001).]

just wanted to post this up for newbies.

Hello All My Beautiful Sisters in The Struggle...<P>I'm in Nashville, TN....Music City USA. I found out about H's Affair & ow's pregnancy about 1 month ago....we're now down to ow being pregnant w/ triplets...(originally 6...then 4 (2 of the 4 were conjoined...boy 8 girl...hee hee) These poor babies have really got a Mamma with some TRUTH ISSUES & God only knows what other kind of problems she has!!). They r due the latter part of June (he finally decided to tell me when). Everyday has been different for me....some better than others. I do find that I'm learning to trust my intuition much more. I want my marriage to work...love my spouse dearly...but am really just not sure that I will stay. It's going to depend on many things. He doesn't want anyone to know about all of this...says the children must remain undercover because he's embarrassed about the whole thing. I told him that I would love those babies (poor innocent things) I just can't seem to get past the fact that he & ow planned the pregnancy. Says he did it because I had been talking to him in a disrespectful fashion. That's amazing to me!! So I guess at this point, considering all the pain he's caused me & disrespect disrespect he's shown me....I should be the anchor whore in the cities busiest Bordello!! He tells me every day that he doesn't want the ow...but doesn't want to dessert her right now since they planned it together. He want's me to stay and just hang in there with him...says our marriage can weather any storm!! Ain't that nice!! The whole situation is sick!!<P>This site has been a blessing to me!! Such wise...caring souls here. I know I probably sound crazy and confused most of the time...truth of the matter is that I am very confused!!! GOD is Awesome...and I know that through this experience I will grow and become a better person. Thanks for allowing me to vent!!<P>Much Love.....<P>Broke-Down (working on a resurrection!!)

I'm in Mississippi. H and I have been married 13 years. WE have 3 boys 11,9, and 18 months. I found out about the oc when ow was 4.5 months pregnant. I was also 2.5 months pregnant at the time. My Hand I were separated a year when he met ow. SHe really wasn't ever a secret. She and my H are from the same country .I am American. The oc is 20 months and a girl.THey live 1.5 hours away. We are doing much better as the time goes by, but "it" is always there.

Hey Guys,<P><BR> I'm in Platte City, Missouri, armpit of America. D-day almost two years ago. Offered to do everything but disembowel myself for W and OC, no go. Essentially no progress in two years, plan B upcoming.<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hi.. I live in S. Cal. My H and I have been married 17 years.<BR>We Have 3 children Boy 12, girl 9, and boy 14 1/2 months.<BR>My D-day was 7 1/2 weeks ago. <BR>OC is 8 1/2 months old (girl) so I was PG when H had A.. the A lasted 3 weeks ..Go figure.<BR>I have been going through the anger stage as of lately..dont say much to H, just give him those dirty looks when he says the wrong thing. which is pretty much all the time ( sorry K, I am still in that I am always right phase too).<P>Well we have a very interesting situation..since I have found out..I have been insisting that H take the paternity test...which of course he agreed...well guess who has been avoiding it...YEP OW...H said he wanted one all along , but she was blackmailing him..that if made the baby get a blood test SHE would tell me..so H just paid her, and he paid all the hospital bills. My H has a few very successful businesses...what we pay her is what some VP of companies make. This Bimbo will not have to work till OC is 18..and let me tell you she is having a grand ol time..well the sequence of events are as follows: OW tell our lawyer that she refuses to have the baby stuck for a blood test...our lawyer gets the family court judge to agree to do a mouth swab ( no needle sticks, just a big Q tip in babys mouth)..H goes in last week for his blood work. OW does not show up with OC at all (they were scheduled at different times).. our Lawyer informs hers that NO MORE PAYMENTS will be made until she brings the baby in...she has a cow calls H tells him that the baby will starve ( she is getting thousands every month..which means she cant shop for her) So I go to the store buy at least a month+ of formula, baby food and diapers/ wipes..etc...and I had my Housekeeper deliver it to her house...my housekeeper said she was so mad...(made my Housekeeper laugh) wish I could have seen her face...despite what I think of her..I dont want the baby to go without. So she has to go in...if she wants her free cakewalk lifestyle. I am now started to believe that maybe this OC is not H's ( even though I thought she looks like our oldest did ) why would she NOT take the baby in...esp with the amt of money she is getting? who knows I dont want to get my hopes up...she really was controlling my H when I did not know...now she has lost it...maybe this is another control tactic..BUT I WILL TELL YOU IF THIS does not turn out to be H's kid....she is going to be paying US FOR YEARS...what we have given her so far is what she has made in 2 years...I will sue her BUTT, and get every penny back even if it takes her 18 years to pay...so there...( see anger hitting)...so we are waiting for her to get her Fat A@@ in for the blood test and baby swab...thats it for me...except My H is a jerk from outer space...he might as well live on the moon...if for anything using such bad judgement on WHICH OW to get involved with...he gets hit on all the time (nice looking...well off) here in S.Cal there are no morals...and woman are totally going after the well off men...married or not ...this was my H's only affair ever...(I made him take a lie detector test) yes women for 250.00 you too can have one done...they even came to his office...he copuld not believe I did this...BUT YA KNOW after this crap what are you suppose to believe???...thats it for me ..

MyCross.... you have made me laugh! I understand completely about OW hitting on the men with money. We do not have that much, but my H is a VP at a large company & OW just picked who she wanted. This week she sent him a torn out magazine add that has a line in it about "your money or your life". Of course she folded it down to that line. She wants cash. Period. What a horrible way to be. <P>Sending the housekeeper huh? Ha! too funny. You go get her! It really is amazing how dumb men can be (sorry to all our guys on this board). Mine actually thought she just "wanted sex". Geezzz... give me a break! I like to lie detector. Didn't know they could be had so cheaply.<P>Anyway... I am in Nashville, Tenn. The lazy south. Home of country music & low morals... all right here in the Bible Belt. <P>Carolyn