CD posted a story about how she and H met. I got a big kick reading it and it made me think about how I met my H. So I thought we could all share our first encounter stories.<P>Here's mine. About 7 years ago I managed a group of women. I used to go out with my personal friends all the time and the women that worked for me knew it. They always moaned about me not going out with them. Well at that period in my life I just got sick and tired of sorry [censored] men and decided to give them up altogether. I was just going to focus on myself and take care of me. <P>Anyway, one day the women at work ganged up on me and forced me to go to the club with them one night. I reluctantly agreed. Pissed off at a table right next to the dance floor I drank my drink and watched all my employees whoop and holler and have a good time dance. I sat there thinking, my god when will this be over. <P>Out of the blue this Adonis with hazel eyes and shiny bald shaved head, and dressed to the nines asks me to dance. I said yes. In my mind thinking, he's too gorgeous he's gotta be an a**hole. <P>We ended up dancing and talking about sports and music all night. We swapped numbers. <P>A year later he told me what was on his mind when he asked me to dance. He said he was usually the best looking guy in his bunch and whenever he went out he automatically picked up the best looking girl. Well he kept seeing a pattern in his relationships, pretty girls no substance. Either psycho or boring. So that night he decided he wasn't going to go for the prettiest, he was going to go for the one who looked like she had something interesting to say. It was me. <P>For a year and a half we dated, going to sports events, concerts, dance clubs and became close friends and lovers.<P>I often imagine did God send me to that club that night to meet my Prince Charming? Probably.<P>Looking forward to hearing your stories....<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear zebrababy,<BR>OOOOH what fun! I can't wait to read everybody's story. I'll bet 10 to 1 that I am the only one whose future husband thought she was a lesbian, though, haha! <P>One other little note on my story. When my h and I first went out, in the middle of our dinner, he asked me what country I was from. Very puzzled by the question, I said, "uh, the united states. I was born right in this town (in PA)." Turns out my h, being from Philadelphia, and whose friends and family were all from Philadelphia, hadn't had much of a chance to speak to anyone who didn't have the philadelphia accent (Example: Youse all comin wit us?) And hearing me speaking a more "proper" English, he thought I was from England or something. So basically, to him at first, I was a lesbian Amazon by way of Great Britain. Talk about exotic!<P>And zebrababy, I think you're husband is just trying to keep you from getting a swelled head. I'll bet he thought YOU WERE the prettiest woman there, as well as the most interesting. He just doesn't want to admit it and give you a super-sized ego.<P>Can't wait to hear from everybody else!<BR>cdcollins

My story is not nearly as intersting as yours are. When we were 19 we used to hang out in "the woods". That's where all the teenagers went to "party". Well, my best friend was friends with my H and she introduced us. I hate to say it, but it was "love at first sight" for me. He had long hair and at the time that was what I went crazy for. We both were in relationships (I was in a 4 1/2 year one) so we just became friends. Very flirty friends. After a few months he broke up with his girlfriend and we started to hang out together. Needless to say, I broke up with my highschool sweetheart as soon as possible. (He later sept with my little sister......a whole nother forum ) It was an incredibly rocky relationship. Break ups and make ups until he finally asked me to marry him. And we lived happily ever after........ till OW and OC popped up.

It was my 6th birthday and my parents took me and a bunch of my friends to a farm for pony rides. I thought the cool 8 year old leading my pony around was the greatest thing since sliced bread. You guessed it, it was hubby.<BR>I ran into him again when I was 14 and he was a VERY cool 16. I thought the sun rose and set just because he told it to.<BR>By time I got through high school I had forgotten all about him. One weekend home from college a friend reintroduced us. The first thing I did was spill a drink on him. He asked me out. I wasn't interested. He sent me a dozen roses every week until I would go out with him. We've been married 19 years May 1st.<P>Jtigger<BR>

H there, just saw this post and to be honest any other time I would really enjoy it. Feeling kinda down tonight. But I did enjoy yalls storys and promise when in a better mood I will be back to tell mine.<BR>Love<BR>bw

I meant my h throu one of my friends. She had a boyfriend that lived with him at the time and keep bugging me to go out with him. I at first said no way he's an [censored]**** at that point in my life I pretty much thought that of all men. I had been on my own for almost 2 yrs after my marriage ended with a controlling abusive crazy man. I had turned into quite the party animal and would see now h at the bar or at diffrent partys. He keep chaseing and I keep running away. He to thought I was a lesbian c.d. me and my girlfriends always went to the potty together also. I think its a girl thing. After around 3 months of this I started to see a side of him I hadnt seen in a man before or I had brain damage from drinking to much anyhow I let him follow me home one night and we have been us ever since. with love flowerseed

Ok all, here's mine and Sailorman's story.<P>We met in highschool, in the Ensemble Choir. Here's the situation. The class didn't have enough students to be held as a normal class, so we met during lunches and after school. Well, at the school we went to, they had 2 different lunch hours, and, you guessed it, we had seperate lunches. Well, my now SIL(married to my brother) was my best friend at the time, and she and my brother had kept telling me that they had this guy that they wanted me to meet. The choir director, who acted like my second father, also wanted me to meet him. But, we kept missing eachother. I missed the first afterschool practice, and had almost forgotten about this one till my SIL grabbed me and told me we were late. We were running into the choir room, and almost ran into this girl who was running out, followed by Sailorman! Yep, it was his girlfriend, and they had just had some sort of argument. Well, SIL grabbed him, and introduced us. I remember just staring into his green eyes, and then turning around and going in the door. Well, later on, while talking about how we first met, it turns out that he turned around and watched me walk into the room before continuing the chase after his, then, girlfriend. Seems he liked my a$$ But the most interesting thing about us is that there were many times before this that we could have met. He lived with his grandparents(his whole family) on the street next to mine for a couple years. He was aloud to go one direction, the opposie from my street, and I was aloud to go the other, never the two to meet. Then again when we were in Jr High(or middle school as it's called today) when his mother and aunts came to our church's coffee house to sing, and I worked in the snack/coffee bar. It took us till I was a junior and he was a sophomore in high school. We had an on and off relationship for a couple years, and had a very rough patch when I got pregnant. Putting that first baby up for adoption really brought us together. He joined the military the Sept after graduating from HS, and we got married the following March. The rest is history. <P>Oh, I forgot why I mentioned that my SIL and the choir director wanting to have us meet. When we started dating, they both seemed to change their minds about my H, and would try to get us to break up. More so the choir director than my SIL. Seems he didn't think that Sailorman was "right" for me. Needless to say, any time my H had the chance, he sorta has rubbed it into his face that we are still together and have survived the past 15 1/2 yrs with all their ups and downs, and plan to survive the rest of our lives, with hopefully more ups than downs.<P>Well, I need to go, Abbi's starting to fuss around.<P>Tigger

I've missed you all so much!<P>I only have a short time before we go back up north. My computer has been here at the old house all week while I've been gone. I had the cable guy to the new house yesterday to arrange for cable and internet. The lines up north are so cobbled up that they have to install new ones into the house next week...another whole week without you! <P>We are back in the city for my husband's FIFTH telephone testimony tomorrow with the NY family court tomorrow, then back up north for a couple days then I come back again for 'details'. Say a prayer. If they (NY) refuse to budge, we will be forced to disappear...if they reduce the amount to something fair and reasonable, we get our lives back. <P>I saw that the fur has been flying around here while I've been away....Nonplussed certainly had a knack for putting the cat (meow) among the pigeons! You gals did good. Hahaha...I laughed so when I read Leelee and Flowerseed's posts. <P>Let's see...how did I meet Furface....<P>It was March 1979. The setting is a hospital...imagine "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"...<P>My friend confronted me about my ability to 'party' all weekend and said she was worried about me and insisted I go in for an 'evaluation'. My mantra was "I like the Nightlife, I like to Boogie" and realized I was looking forward to my next drink first thing in the morning after an evening out. I was developing a dandy drinking problem, although in it's infancy, it was a drinking problem nonetheless.<P>I was living with a man at the time who was smothering me and so obsessed with me that he would concoct endless manipulative scenarios to 'test' me and to hold onto me. I wasn't in love with him but I found him to be kind and sweet when he wasn't being insecure and trying to control me...I just wanted him to go away and leave me alone.<P>The relationship had run its course and I was looking to move on without him. I had made up my mind to spend the rest of my life alone and decided I didn't want to be involved with any man...I liked solo just fine.<P>After evaluation, the counselor told me that he believed I needed treatment. I said, "What? For a social drinker? Are you nuts?" He explained that while I hadn't endured serious consequences from my behavior, I was developing a dependency and I could use a twelve step program. I remember sighing and thinking I could use a thirty day rest and an excuse to be away from my neurotic boyfriend. I was admitted. It was so easy then; insurance was wonderful.<P>The first couple days I went through a kind of orientation before I was introduced to my 'group'. I walked into group and was feeling a little beligerent because I didn't really need to be there and probably felt like I was there under false pretenses. The counselor of my new little group of six people asked me to determine my feelings on a scale of one to ten. I was looking down. I told him I had a ten in disappointment because I had just looked down and noticed that the new shoes I had just bought and was wearing for the first time were not black as I had thought but were navy blue and did not match my outfit. I mean, the conversation in there had been so melodramatic, I felt I needed to lighten things up a bit. The counselor wanted to laugh (I could tell) but was forced to reprimand me for my cavalier attitude. (I guess my cavalier attitude was problematic throughout the entire thirty days and was confronted daily about it until I was reduced to tears and abandoned it when it was pointed out to me I used it as a shield to deny my true feelings-blah, blah, blah...70's psychobabble)<P>In my group was a brooding Irishman I pretended not to notice. He would sit in his chair facing the opposite wall with his arms on the chair with his finger tips touching each other and pressed against his lip, rarely looking at anyone unless directly speaking to them. The first time I heard him speak, my heart raced. His presence filled the room and he held the respect of the others in the group and was looked toward as our counselor's second in command of sorts. The others went to him for advice (like sheep, I thought) and commiseration. He had such charisma and eloquence and his voice was deep and soothing and he was both intellectual and had this amazing dry wit. Every day he brought down the house with irony or parables. He quoted Shakespear, the Bible, reminded us of Aesop's fables and telling analogies. His humor was outrageous and he was rugged and masculine...not a pretty boy like "boyfriend". <P>I never thought he noticed me or paid much attention to me...he made me nervous like I had never been before. I resolved not to allow him to see me sweat.<P>One day about a week and a half after I began 'group', I was walking back from lunch and saw him standing in the hall outside of group. I was debating whether or not to say anything or just smile, say 'hi' (in my most cavalier attitude I could muster) and walk by or walk up to him and have a short conversation. I decided to do both...have a 'cavalier' conversation.<P>I walked up to him feigning confidence, touched his arm and said, "Do the narcs know you're loose in the halls?" and laughed. When I touched his arm, we both felt this ZZZZACK! A powerful electrical current shoot through us. It wasn't static...it was chemistry. A very powerful chemistry. We both just stood there and pretended it didn't happen but it did and we both felt it. We both began talking at the same time...it was so tense. He turned a little red, sheepishly flirted with me and was so 'docile' (for lack of a better word) that he reminded me of a trusting tentative pup...much different than I had perceived him in group. He told me that the next day he was leaving and flying back to his home state and that his treatment was over. I was suddenly overwhelmed with disappointment...I still had two weeks to go! I couldn't beleive it. Here for the first time in my life I meet a man that completely engulfs me, preoccupies me and he is leaving. I thought, "Well, this is for the best...he's too much for me anyway and he has already distracted me from my treatment."<P>There was a party that night in the women's building and I invited him to come. He said he would and I waited (eagerly) for him to show. By 8:30 I was worried he was a no show so I went out the door and stood in the parking lot between his building and ours and looked up smoking a cigarette when I saw him walk in front of a window and realized it was HIS window to his room. I stood there for fifteen minutes watching him (they call it 'stalking' today) as he packed his suitcase and I lit another cigarette, thinking it was good he didn't show up, thinking I must have misread the signals. But, I couldn't take my eyes off him. I had never known anyone like him before. I wasn't one to get whipped into a frenzy over anyone. This alarmed me.<P>I rejoined the party and while we were dancing to Martha Reeves, I wished I was bumping and grinding with him instead of old Betty.<P>The next day, there was a short medallion ceremony, he said a few short words and left the hall. I thought he would still be on the premises when the ceremony was over but his cab had already taken him to the airport. I remember thinking "Well, that's that!" and was almost relieved because with D, I saw nothing but problems...long distance, his kids, my kid, how to get out of my current situation quickly and graciously, etc.<P>Three days later I was sitting on my bed when a counselor passed out mail. She handed me a letter, reading the return address, recognizing the author and said, "Treatment romances never work out, K...". I looked at the envelope and my heart did a somersault...well, maybe more an uncomfortable thud.<P>The letter was warm and filled with compliments, saying things he felt and thought but didn't say while he was here. He was saying what I was feeling and I knew that it was kismet...fate...it was meant to be and it was all playing out before us and there was nothing we could do about it. It was going to happen and we both knew it. The letters and cards came and were sent fast and furiously on a daily basis. When I got out of treatment, it was the daily calls and letters.<P>Boyfriend finally left and thanked me for going to treatment because he was at a crossroads in his life and was going to school to become a chem dep counselor (and he is now a big mucky muck chem dep advisor here in this city for a large organization) and found someone new to torment.<P>The next month D flew out here...then a couple months later, I flew out there...then he came here, then I went there, then he came back here and never left...the rest is history.<P>At Christmas 1979, he presented me with a diamond ring and asked me to marry him. He told me we were meant to be together and that I was his once in a lifetime...that God makes one special person for each of us and what were the odds we would have ever met if not for coming here for treatment. D spent the next 19 years sober, happy, fulfilled and we shared a closeness and specialness that I never believed existed. We went through so much raising a blended family and building our business and worked through all the highs and lows together always focused on each other, never straying from one another...that's why this is so confusing and heartwrenching. I was always so secure and happy even when we didn't have anything because we were 'us'. If all the millions of things in the workd that could ahve happened, I never ever for a moment ever thought this would have been possible or that he was capable...we were so deeply in love.<P>I remember sitting with him on the sofa just a year before all this started and we were talking about how incredibly wonderful it felt to be just each other's very own special person; with no other interlopers involved in our marriage and how exclusive our marraioge was and what joy it brought us...how he couldn't imagine himself with anyone else.<P>The ironic thing is that it is now like it was for us before only more so...he has this magnified love and appreciation for me and for our marriage. It is such a weird paradox when compared to the insane year of evil treatment, hostility, rejection...the pain. The indescribable pain. How did it get like that? What caused it? His illness? I had to fight for us. I had to fight for all those good years.<P>How bittersweet....<P>Catnip =^^= <P> <P>

Catnip,<BR>THANK YOU <BR>with love flowerseed

I had been dating a college buddy of my H's summer of 71. H would pick friend up at my home to go to school and after we would go to a local teenage dance club.<P>Well one day in the fall my boyfriend was sick and didn't go to school. When H finished classes he stopped over to see if I wanted to go to the club. I went (as friends) and we danced. Before the end of the week I broke it off w/boyfriend and started to date H.<P>We got engaged Valentines day 73 and were married March of 74. Bought home in 78. Had our son in 79.<BR>Had a lot of happy memories too.<P>This A took me by complete surprise for 2 reasons:<BR>I never thought he'd be unfaithful as he would say "If you ever find yourself attracted to someone else, leave me before you do anything cuz I could never take it" Then he did it to me. I never thought I'd have to worry.<P>Other reason is she was a friend and HOW they did it in front of me and her H's face w/ no indication anything was going on (to this day I get scared he was "that good" at hiding it).<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Just wondering Catnip...have you ever written a novel. You have such a way with words. If not maybe you should try it. I dont know ...write a novel based on your life, or a fiction work involving what we all have been through. I would read it! <BR>Love<BR>bw

Broken Wings:<P>Bystander is already preparing to do this, but thanks for the compliment. I do tend to run on and take up tons of space when I am in the mood to write. Maybe because I've been gone for so many days that I feel the need to mouth off.<P>I never apologize for long posts...I just figure if no one wants to read it, that's OK. I do it for me...it's my therapy.<P>Are you feeling any better yet? Maybe if you tell us about how you met your husband, it will be therapeutic for you as well and help you out of your doldrums...besides, I'd love to hear about it...<P>Sometimes just going back in the time machine remembering the special things helps us reaffirm why we stayed.<P>I'm praying for you, Broken Wings....you are loved and cared for here.<P>Catnip =^^=

Bringing this to the top for more stories...haven't had TV for a week and I live for this stuff. C'mon, Ladies, share the magic of the fateful day you first laid eyes on (or laid-haha) the man you married.<P>Catnip =^^=

catnip.... don't get me started the first "laid" story is a great one too. ahhhhh the memories!<P>LOL<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I used to revel in "our story" bc I thought we were just meant to be , ya know...well now I think sometimes that I got what I deserved so I think about it so much ...but here goes...<P>I was 14 and my H was 13. We were both in the 8th grade, but went to different jr highs. A friend of mine was "going with" (lol) one of his friends and she came to me and said that there was this guy that I had to meet and he was just perfect for me. The only catch was he had a girlfriend, but they kept breaking up. Well, they broke up and a friend called him and I ended up talking to him for hours. He was really messed up that night, which was weird for me bc I was a very innocent child and had never encountered drugs and things of that sort. I finally let him go and I remember he said "uumm I guess I didnt make a very good 1st impression" I just laughed and hung up. I did end up calling him a few days later and we talked all night. (This time he was sober). I just fell instantly in love.<BR>His mother was there and she was from Mexico. She was tring to convince him to go back with her and I couldnt imagine him going to another country and never meeting him face to face. I begged my mom to take me over there. She did for about 45 min. (as long as it took the rest of my family to go to Baskin Robbins). I walked in and was mesmerized. Funny thing is I met him in person on April 1, 1990. I guess our anniversary would be tomorrow huh..<P>I found my diary from then a few yrs ago and I had written "today I met the man I am going to marry". How ironic.<P>Anyway, a few days later his xgirlfriend found out about me and said it was not going to happen. She went to the same school as he did. He told me she tried to kiss him and it was hard to turn away...he wasnt sure if he could do it again....so he broke up with me. That Friday him and a friend were supposed to come play tennis with me and the friend that set us up. He decided he would still come. He did and we ended up kissing. That started everything.<BR>We were off and on for the next 5 years. It didnt matter who he was with or who I was with if one of us called the other we were in love again. That girl he dated in jr high he was with for the next 4 years. Her and I went to the same high school. He did not. I did not care about how she felt after a while bc , well, bc I was selfish and a kid. Imagine how horrible I feel now. Anyway time passed and I moved on with my life.<P>I had heard he had finally managed to break up with her and ended up having a baby with someone else. I went off to college and decided while I was home during Christmas vacation to call him and see how he was. I went to see him and stayed the night (nothing romantic). He did try to get back together and I would not. But he told me he had joined the army and would be at Fort Hood in June (95)...the college I went to was 20 minutes from there. Feb., right before he went to boot camp he married the mother of his daughter. He left in March and was at Hood in June. She moved up there in July and he moved her home in Sept. They just didnt get along. <P>After she moved back home he went to the college were he knew I was and went to every single dorm to look for me. He found me and left a message for me. I was really shocked to hear from him! We were engaged be March 96. We couldnt seem to live without one another. We were inseperable...to the point that we moved in together bc we couldnt bear it. It was like being physically ill to be without each other.<P>We were married on Sept 14 1996 and he was deployed to Kuwait 4 days later. It was horrible. I was devasted, as was he. I was sick the whole time. I cried constantly. He finally came home in December. I found out I was pregnate on Mothers day in 1997. I had our beautiful little girl in Jan. He was so proud of me and his new little girl. He actually got to deliver her. I mean it seemed perfect. our marriage, our family, and 3 months later he was gone again.<P>Gone to Az without us and the rest is history.....<P>That is our story...used to seem romatic, now I feel like I got what I deserved. I know we were kids, but I feel like I did it to his xgirlfriend and now ow did it to me.<p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited March 31, 2001).]

When I met my H I had been working for a excavation co.<BR>and was covered in mud. Someone knew this mechaic who<BR>could look at our 4wd. Something about the way he looked<BR>at me that I couldnt get him off my mind. We met in April<BR>I asked if he was married, he said no but that he was<BR>getting out of a domestic situation. So there goes that...<BR>I said well give me a call when you are completely free.<BR>He not only called but made house calls to fix my car.<BR>He made me feel so special. He kept telling me<BR>that he had good intentions for us. <BR>Whenever I thought about our meeting I would glow because<BR>I, too, thought we were meant to be. But now I see that<BR>maybe it was just a FLUKE. <BR>The ow was also a customer who started sending lunches<BR>from the deli where she worked. He told me and I checked<BR>her out. I wrote her off immediatly because I thought she<BR>was not a threat. As it turns out she had thoughts about<BR>him and stopped by at the end of the day basically offering<BR>and he went for it. She's married, but that didnt stop her<BR>nor did she ask if he was involved. She found her morals when she came back 5 wks later to say she was pregnant and<BR>abortion was out of the question.<BR>Friends tell me how my H and I made for each other, how<BR>lucky we are to have each other, how beautiful our family is, and I think would they still think that if they knew<BR>the truth? Im getting to the point that I dont care what<BR>they think I know My H loves me with all his heart and soul.<BR>He made one mistake and if he could turn back time he'd<BR>throw her fat butt down the stairs...<BR>My H still jokes about seeing me for the first time and<BR>wondering who's this cute girl and why is she covered in mud? He was a perfect gentleman, we dated for 2 mos just<BR>kissing and hugging. I thought I'd found heaven.<BR>