My husband told me several months ago that he feels like he is not in love with me anymore. We have been married for 21 years and have 2 kids, 14 and 17. Most of those years we spent fulfilling the needs of our kids and not concentrating on ourselves. Now it's come to this. We are going to marrige counceling twice a month, but I'm not sure that is helping. My husband just seems to be pulling further away from me. Now he is talking about moving out to see if the saying "Absence make the heart grow fonder" really works. I don't think that is the answer. I really do need some advice. I am losing my mind!!

Is your MC concentrating on saving your M? If not, perhaps find another one. Your H sounds like a classic case of missing the "In love" feeling that was there when you first married.

IMO, separating would be a bad thing. You haven't mentioned much else about your H but do you suspect him of having an A?

If there is no one else in the picture than your M problems will be easier to address.

You mentioned that you've spent time only focusing on the needs of the kids. Go to the questionnaire page on this site and print out the emotional needs questionnaire. Complete it and see if you can get your H to complete one also. There is much to be learned. Your M can be saved. I hope you'll get some more response from other posters.

Thank you Krissee for your advice. I hope to get others also. I know for sure that my husband is not seeing another woman. He is at as much of a loss as I am. He says he doesn't know why this happened. He is very confused right now. Our MC is very good. She is trying very hard. I put a call into her this morning to get her opinion on my Husband moving out, but I haven't heard back from her. I am going to take your advice and make a copy of the emotional needs questionaire. Thanks again.

Dear Jod,
If you post under Emotional Needs you will get more responses.

You should order His needs Her needs and read that over thoroughly.
This is your chance to find out what your husband's needs are and fulfill them.
In time he will fall in love with you again.

Best wishes,
Menachem

my husband told me the same thing not in love with me anymore hasn't been for along time. funny he didn't realize till he had is A.

Most spouses will not express a desire to move out unless they are already having an affair, and they will vehemently deny they are having an affair. Painful but true. Double check.

I know for sure that my husband is not seeing another woman.
How are you so "sure"?

Been there, done that, there WAS an affair. Before my H got involved with an OW I would have bet the farm that he would never cheat. They are ALL capable of it if EA's are not being met.

Please, counsel with the Harleys by phone.

Yup...My husband told me the same thing. He was ready to move out because he does not think he loves me. He stood by this story, even in front of the MC.

In my situation, he admitted to an affair for the first time last August. Then as we started to work on things. We continue to work on things but of his actions during this time continue to be suspicious. I find out more, the latest round of hurt just this past week(affair lasting over 2 years before his last one which I gathered started in April 2002). He also had numerous relationships in the past. I feel crushed all over again. I wish he would have told me everything, then I would not be in this position again. I still think that there is more to come.

This time, I am more hardened and am ready to proceed with the divorce. We have been separated since September 2002.

Anything that comes out of my mouth right now is opposite of everything I have learned in MB. I wouldn't doubt that my love bank is negative. I am in so much pain. My problem is that I can't seem to stop feeling sorry for me to the point that I can't even move forward. I thought I would visit this site tonight, because I am feeling really low.

What should I do now? I want to get the whole story from him but he does not feel it is important. I am not convince that I have been told everything.

Should continue to insist on what I feel is my right to know everything?

Hi Jod,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
How old is your husband, and if he isn't having an affair, do you think he is having a midlife crisis (If those are even real, I don't know) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .
Maybe someone else would know.

Or does he feel like he's missing something?

((hugs))Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi Jod,

I never woud lhave believed that by H of less than 3 years would hve n affair either but more and more I think it;s true. I did condirm an EA and I can only asume that his willingness to through 6 years away is because he is running TO something else.

We were best friend---I would have never believed it. Totally the boy next door. But condsider the possibility. Read HNHN, LB, and Surviving and Affair by Harley. Very helpful.

I can tell that you like your counselor--but does he? I think men are threatened by women counselors--I know my H was. My H was much more comfortable talking to a Minister. (The same Minister that recommended Harley--so I was okay with that)

Keep your chin up!

Ladysheep:

I think he is in Midlife crisis. I have found a website that tells all about MLC and it has really been a help to me. I am convinced that there is such a thing and that he does have it. I'm still at a loss for what to do. He crys, I cry. It's just miserable. I just want things to get back to normal. It's only been 2 weeks that he has been gone and it feels like an eternity. I just want someone to wake me up. I feel like I'm in a horrible nightmare. He seems to be more and more distant. He still hugs me, but the kisses are few and far between. I feel like a good friend instead of a loving wife. I guess it wouldn't hurt so bad if I felt the same way about him as he does me. Time will tell, if I survive all of this.

Hi Jod,

You say he has been gone for 2 weeks. Does that mean he has left the home?

It must feel terrible. I was thinking. Could you call your MC and tell her what he is saying about leaving, and mention mid-life crisis to her so that she will be ready to counsel him about it when you both come in next time. She may give you some advice also to tie you over until then. I know you both feel so sad at whats
going on, but I hope through faith, and love, that you both will come together again. I think now that you have a finger on what the problem is, more can be done in MC also. I sure hope so!!!

(((hugs of healing)))Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi Jod

I am 23 and only been married for almost a year and that is how my marriage is going. I know how you feel when it comes to your husband pulling away and being distant. I found when my husband and are fighting I will let him go to cool down and sometimes that means to let him go away for a few days. This usually gives time time to think about us and what had happen. When he does come home we would sit down and talk to find ways we can help each other understand one another's feelings. I don't think it would be a good thing if he leaves for good. Have you abd your husband tried to see if family will watch the kids for a weekend, so that you and your husband can have the weekend to relax and talk to each other about what one other is feeling and what had caused the most strain to your marriage. But also try to light that old flame for one another by having a weekend alone to focus on each other and each other's needs. This is advice that was given to me but my husband is not coming home and I really like to try this out with him. If does work please let me know because I need it. But never give up on each other, just think positive and be strong. Find out what is bothering the both of you and discuss with each other to find a way to make steps and plans to have that flame light back up.

I hope this helps