Since finding out about OC and OW, and affair, I have been constantly worried about money issues due to the huge child support payments we now pay monthlytake things away from me and our kids..<p>[This message has been edited by lsb (edited June 19, 2001).]

Isb,<BR>we checked on this w/ a lawyer. If the oc is his legal child (proven by paternity) then there may be cause for concern. THe one thing the lawyer suggested for us was to get a term policy that would cover the amount of cs through the child's maturity. (It would be prorated for inflation).<BR>On the other hand, if the child has been proven to be his, you may have cause for concern. <BR>Talk to a lawyer. If you and your H decide to be generous in the event something does happen, then perhaps you, or the lawyer could be the executor/executrix (sp) of whatever is left behind for her benefit. Anything to keep the xow's hands off until oc is 21.<BR>I think the best approach is to sit down and figure out what is truly fair, since the child did not ask to be born.<BR>I know it may be a bitter pill to swallow, but a little give and take up front may cut down on drama in the long run. <BR>Just think what would keep the xow out of you and your family's hair at such a stressful time? What's reasonable...and if at all possible, get xow to sign whatever you and your sp decideds on up front. The less drama at that time, the better for you and your family!<BR>

Isb, when we wrote our wills 7 years ago, we also were concerned with this issue. Using military lawyers, we were told that my husband could leave everything to me. Then if we died together, the will stated that everything went to the children of the marriage. It also included the statement that the OC (her name ) was not an heir to his estate. No further provisions had to be made.<BR> I heard once that you could mention the child, even a child of the marriage, leave the child a $1.00, and that is all you feel that child is entitled to and that's that.<BR> However, the best way is to see a lawyer and get it all drawn up legally so all of your wishes are respected. As with all things in these situations, a lawyer has the best answeres.<BR> Good luck, you always wonder when the nightmare will end, right?<P>Texasgirl.

I spoke to a lawyer. She stated that we need to list the OC and say that the child is disinherited. That way it doesn't look like she was overlooked. You can do this with anyone including children from the marriage. But without a will than it can be fair game. And there is no way to stop that child from receiving social security if the child is under 18. Also if your spouse was in the military there is no way to stop the retirement plan, if the child is under 18. So it is best to get a lawyer, and state the amount, or no amount, with the oc name listed. <P>babstr.

This is my first posting here. In response to the question, yes, please do check with an attorney. When I found out 5 yrs. ago, my H simply put all assets and house in my name only. This was not only to prevent oc or ow claiming anything, it was also complete trust and love on his part, or I would have left. ember

<BR>I've heard that some states require children born out of wedlock to be treated as children of a marriage for the purposes of a will/trust. My guess is that with a disinheritance clause, that provision can be effectively gutted, although you'd need to see a lawyer to be sure. In any event, in the worst case scenario, you leave the OC a per stirpes share in trust, and write the trust such that the child shall receive nothing except interest on the principal until the child's birthmother is dead. Because there is technically an annual distrbution, such a scheme would very likely withstand a lawsuit brought in challenge.<P>Bystander

I am very confused as to the diverse answers here,but I guess the ultimate suggestion is seeing a lawyer. I would think if husband died, he would have a will giving me everything and our children would be secondary beneficiaries. To prevent OC and OW contesting will, I suppose we could leave something to OC or disinherit. is that right? I do not understand the part about the trust being given to OC, what do you mean, a piece of the trust going to OC in terms of the principal? Please clarify please, o.k? I figure she is getting the inheritance ahead of time. I calculate she will be receiving over 200,000 from us in 18 years-it really upsets me I tell you. NOw I am worried about this.

lsb,<P>First, see a lawyer. My understanding is that if no will/trust is drawn up, then OCs have an equal claim to an estate as children of a marriage. That means there is some financial exposure *unless* you take proactive steps to exclude an OC. This is usually accomplished by proactively writing what's known as a disinheritance clause into a will/trust, which politely says, "I hereby acknowledge the existence of the OC, and I hereby state that the OC shall receive nothing." This prevents the OC from ever claiming that "Daddy loved me but just forgot about me, and would never have left me nothing."<P>About the trust I mentioned. In the unlikely event that you cannot disinherit an OC, I made a suggestion as follows. You leave the OC the minimum amount required by law (presumably that would be a per stirpes share), except you lock it up in a separate trust. Remember, just because you leave someone money, doesn't mean that they get it right away. You can place onerous conditions on receiving the money and fulfill some legal requirement (if such a requirement exists) to leave the OC an equal share. Most trusts are required to distribute something to the beneficiary every year - you would accomplish that by simply sending the interested earned on the OC's per stirpes share. If the child is a minor, you don't even have to distribute the interest, IIRC, and could roll it over into the principal. Anyhow, the principal you would retain in trust (basically, a locked bank account that nobody can access except a trustee, who has to abide by the rules of the trust that YOU write). You then condition the release of principal upon the death of the OC's birthmother. That way, the OW would never have access to any money left by your H. At worst, the child could hand over the annual interest from their share of the inheritance after the OC reaches age 18, but would never receive any principal until the OW was dead.<P>I should note that such a trust would have to be written and executed in a state that allows dynasty trusts (Alaska and Florida come to mind), as its likely that the OW would live past the normal perpetuity clauses in most states' probate law. But if done carefully, such a trust could be effected.<P>Bystander<p>[This message has been edited by Bystander (edited April 05, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lsb:<BR><B>I am very confused as to the diverse answers here,but I guess the ultimate suggestion is seeing a lawyer. I would think if husband died, he would have a will giving me everything and our children would be secondary beneficiaries. To prevent OC and OW contesting will, I suppose we could leave something to OC or disinherit. is that right? I do not understand the part about the trust being given to OC, what do you mean, a piece of the trust going to OC in terms of the principal? Please clarify please, o.k? I figure she is getting the inheritance ahead of time. I calculate she will be receiving over 200,000 from us in 18 years-it really upsets me I tell you. NOw I am worried about this.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It depends on what state you live in. Some states allow the OC to go after insurance and not inheritance all states allow the OC to collect social secuity benefits, many states will allow a OC to fight a will.<BR>