My Friends,<P><BR> I just dropped in to say hi to all my buds. I wish I could say everyhing is Hunky-Dory with me, but you guys know things don't go that smoothly. My wife is still home, but is adamant about Angel being in contact with her father. So I guess I have to decide if I can live with that or not.<BR> <P> I wish I could say " Hi" to all the "Vets" in person, but I'm afraid I'd leave someone out, so, instead I will say I love you all!!! You know who you are!!!<P> <BR> God bless you all,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey Gregg,<P>I have been thinking about you and a couple others, like Happy Girl, who we haven't heard from in a while. I am sorry that your wife is still insisting on OM being involved in Angel's life. I just can't understand what she thinks it will gain to have him involved in her life. All I can see is it causing a lot of confussion. <P>I don't know if you were lurking about 2 weeks ago, but our "Angel", Abbigail, has arrived, and is such a good baby. Sailorman just loves her to death, and I couldn't imagine having OM involved in our lives at all. I just wish that your wife, and Floored's wife could see how it hurts you to have OM around. It isn't good for your marriage, or anything else to have them around.<P>I am glad that you are still around, for the sake of others around here. I wish it were under better conditions, and pray that they will get better soon!<P>Tigger

Gregg!!!!!<P>There you are! I am so glad you dropped in and hope you've been lurking. Did you see that our divorce is final, the bankruptcy is done, we've moved to the woods and rented out our house? We are right on schedule. Now I am focused on suing OW...hahahaha<P>So, what's your wife's main complaint, Gregg? I was hoping she would have abandoned her fantasy by now. Are you in Plan A? Where are you now with your ability to maintain? It must be so tough to know she is dragging her child out to see OM. Is she suing him for CS or is he off the hook? That might be the catalyst for non-involvment.<P>What is your relationship like with your wife in spite of the OM seeing Angel? Has that improved on any level? Oh, I hope so. I hope she will slowly see the benefit to immersing herself and the child into you and your family life and reject any involvment from OM.<P>Stick around, Gregg...it's good to know you're still lurking.<P>Love,<P>Catnip =^^=

Tigger, <P> Congratulations! Abigail is a lucky girl to have such loving parents! I wish you three the best of luck.<P><BR> Dear Catnip,<P><BR> Sounds like things are on course for you. I hope everything goes as planned, and then you get to break it off in OW!!!!<BR> My wife says she will not prevent Angel from seeing her father, because that was done to her as a child. Her parents were divorced when she was about three, and her father was denied visitation because he didn't pay support. She has a lot of resentment for her mother, and I think she's afraid Angel might feel the same way about her.<BR> I've said "OK, if he wants to be a Daddy, lets get court-ordered child support so he can have the total experience!" She does not want to go this route, either, because she is afraid he will be awarded regular visitation. As it is now, Angel only sees OM when W says so!!<BR> As far as our relationship, it's cordial, celibate(sp?, and me a Catholic, for shame!)(could be the Prozac), a kind of "don't ask, don't tell relationshiop." My wife is dreading telling our oldest daughter the truth about Angel. Some days I want't her to pack her bags, and some days she's the same wonderful woman I married.<P> Any suggestions or advice from the "Professor" would be welcome.<P><BR> God bless you all, <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Dear Catnip'<P><BR> I just re-read my post, and as usual my "flight of ideas" brain works faster than my arthritic fingers. Let me clarify; The celibacy(spelled it right this time) is my wifes' idea, (A typical male, I can't get it down). It's like you are dating a person who's already decided to break up with you, but hasn't worked up the courage to tell you yet. (Again, could be the Prozac.)<BR> My wife's mother not only denied visitation due to non-payment of child support, but would regularly bad-mouth my wifes' father in front of her. My wife has vivid recollections of these incidents, and how horrible it was to hear hear parents speak ill of each other.<BR> I think my wife is genuinely afraid of what Angel would think of her if she did not allow contact with OM.<P><BR> What do you think?<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

gregg Im afraid your wife is going to leave you as soon as she gets her self together. I haven read anything about remorse in your posting. You might consider becoming the man in your family and drawing a line in the sand. that line being that your wife will be your wife , consider your feellings and do as you wish in this matter she is the one who blew the marriage. the only reason she is nice some days is that it takes a hell of a lot of energy to stay mad and mistreat someone everyday day in and day out. some times the best route is to show cruel and unloving spouses just what anger really is. even it its not your nature you probably need to learn how to act. then blow the hell up. have you brought up the divorce discussion? It might be money well spent to file and grounds of adultry and try for custody of your daughter. go for no less than shared custody 50/50. don't beg and don't show any feelings. keep them to yourself, cry inside. don't let wifes stories of childhood misfortune deflect your sense of right and wrong. not to say that she didn't suffer but imposing her regrets on your family is so wrong and I suspect its manipulation . take care and be strong

Gregg,<P>I have followed your story for some time. But I don't usually post here. I guess I am curious, what would your W say if you pointed out to her, that Angel might have some resentment of Mom if you, the man who has been her "father", left the family because Mom couldn't make up her mind which "father" was the most important.<P>If you really want to have your stomach turn, you should read an article in this months "Good Housekeeping". It is a story of a man whose W has a child, then some months later dies of a brain aneurysm, only to find out the child isn't his. I was looking through my W's Good Housekeeping and saw this article. It is just amazing. But you won't be amazed. Just greatly saddened I am afraid.<P>It seems to me that you need to make some tenative decisions and then run them by your W. My feeling is if OM is going to play, he should pay. Why is your W, afraid of have visitation? He sees the child now and it bothers you. Is it because she would lose some control? She seems to have both of your pretty much where she wants you. She sees OM when she wants, you pay the bills. <P>I guess I am becoming cynical in my "old age". I am glad that your situation has stablized but it seems that it isn't stablized where you want it.<P>I am sure the experts here will give you some good advice, I wish I could.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<P>

<BR> Dear joell,<P><BR> I have had the same thoughts many times. The problem is that I still love my wife, very much. I guess I'm still trying to give her time, but the question is how much time do I give. I'm just following my gut on this one.<BR>Thank you for your honest and heartfelt response.<P> Dear Just Learning,<P> Thanks. I think that my wife does want control on this point, because I think she feels like she has lost control of everything else. I think she may still trying to live two seperate lives, weighing one against the other.<P> Thank you both, <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Gregg,<P>I am sure you already know this but just to point out "daddy" is the person who changes your diapers, fixes you breakfast on Saturday mornings, gets up early on his day off to watch early cartoons with you, Takes you to soccer, basketball, gymnastics, or cheerleading practice, makes sure you make it on time to school..kisses you goodbye on the first day of kindergarten and goodbye again on your high school graduation, helps you pack for college, and gives you away on your wedding day. A "father" is the sperm donater. A "daddy" is your guardian angel.<P>Love and Prayers,<P>broken_wings

GLynton how are you? Long time no hear......I'm sorry you and W are still not "ok". <P>I will pray for your peace and to heal your marriage....<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gregg I'm sure you love her. love just doesn't die overnight. thats why Im suggesting you take a hard line and show her what enlighten self interest really is. she will benifit and so will your child. Its the same as kicking her off the fence. do and do it with a straight mouth, no smiles, no frowns. just cold resolve. this will be about the hardest thing you will have to face. Its precipitating the crisis which is looming just over the hill. Its going to be easier for you to draw the line than it will be to go through what you will go through when she informs you that she is walking and taking your child with her. maybe you can think of it as a preemptive strike. at least you will be calling the shots. and weather or not women admit it they do like a man to be strong. even when we know we are not sometimes. God bless the lot of you.