Hello,<P>I haven't posted in a while, but just wanted to drop in and give an update. I have my house on the market (finally) and I'm praying for a buyer soon! I need to get out of this state and move to Arizona!! I have been looking at homes to buy online. I can't wait to get there.<P>My son came home yesterday morning and gave me a note from his father. It was a website address and the name, weight, hair and eye color of his baby. Why would he give that to me??? Who knows with him. I chekced the website and yes, this is my husbands baby!! She looks just like our children. I cried for a while, but I think I'm past that all now. I saw the 'happy little family' last night and gave them a gift. I was very nice and I gave a gift that they will have to think of me every time they look at it. It's a putter baby photo album that I had engraved with her name and birth date. People ask how I can do that, but it's not that baby's fault. She's a very beautiful baby and looks just like my own children did when they were born. I talked to the baby and told her how beautiful she is and went on and on to her. She is precious, but what her parents did IS NOT! I was very nice, until the car door was closed and it was just him and I. I then told him to be very happy with OW because I never want him in my life, ever again. I then told him to not come over on Sunday or any Sunday to follow. I told him he needs to be here on the 21st to get his stuff out of my house, then never show his face here again. If my kids want to see him, he can make plans to see them any place other than here. When he is here, they are always gone. They know he comes over on Sundays and they leave. Oh, and as for OW, my God, she is so very, very fat!!!!!!! She has three, count them, three chins!! LOL And let me tell you, I looked very good!! I made sure my make up was done just perfect and my clothes were sharp. I want to cry and I did yesterday morning, but it's done and over with. I don't cry for my H, but for everything he did to me, all of the lying he did. The almost funny part is, My H and I had our first date of Oct. 13th, 1978 (Friday the 13th) and I just totally ended everything between us on Friday the 13th, 2001. How ironic is that? Anyway, I'm sure the tears will come and go, but as a song by Ray Boltz goes, 'The Anchor Holds, In Spite of the Storm.' My anchor is holding and with God in my life, it will hold forever!! God is the ONLY definite I have in my life. I put no stock in anyone, any human being and I never will again. My H was my total best friend in my life and I loved him with everything I had to give and I forgave him for everything. I no longer have love for him, it's almost hate, but I can't hate. I don't have a hate bone in my body. People tell me I'm strong. I don't see it, but I do know I have been through a lot and I'm still here, only by the grace of God. Oh, I wrote in the card, '(Baby's Name), what a beautiful name. Welcome to the (last name) Family' then signed my name along with my children and granddaughter's name. I also gave her a bunny for Easter. My H will get his, I know he will and I can't wait to see it happen!! He planned to be with her until he was through with her then come back and remarry me. That will NEVER happen. Oh, the dog called him 'honey' while I was there. It didn't bother me, because I never called him that, LOL I'm going to write her a letter, not using my AOL account (she has my info and has had my password changed twice, I now have a new account that she doesn't know), I will never trust her! I'm going to tell her to be totally happy with him and stop the lying and clean up her act. The way to keep him (hopefully she can, because I don't want him) is to be clean and stop her stupid lying. My H is and always will be a clean freak. How funny, I'm going to give her tips on how to keep my husband. I truly do not ever want him back in my life. I was waiting to see the baby and now I have, so it's done, over and our marriage will never be rebuilt again. I will live my life and I will be happy again. I will never let this make me into a bitter person. I am woman ... hear me roar!!! The world better watch out for me, because I no longer take BS from anyone!!<P>My sister in law keeps telling me I'll meet someone, but I don't want to. Not ever. I can't imagine being my H and never seeing his kids. How sad for him, but his choice. They don't want to see him either. Oh, I just found out yesterday morning that she was born last Tuesday. I just told my kids last night. They all asked, why didn't dad call? I don't have an answer for them either. I find it funny because they had plenty of time to tell teir 'friends' she was born. Enough people have signed the website guest book. My daughter called him to ask a question and also said, oh thanks a lot for telling us. He had the nerve to tell them he's been busy. Please... how busy can he be that he can't pick up a phone and tell his own children. They will remember this day, I know they will.<P>Anyway, that's what's been going on in my life. I'm sorry I haven't checked in more lately, but I've been so busy getting everything ready to sell my house. I'll try and be better at it, I just need more hours in a day!<P>Hugs to everyone! <P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly Kisses (edited April 14, 2001).]

Butterfly,<P><BR> I'm so sorry your husband has dedcided to give up the best thing that ever happened to him. What goes around comes around.<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

ButterflyKisses I am happy to hear from you and how you are doing.<BR>I'm about to your point. I have a call in to my lawyer.<P>I extended the olive branch to my H and said he can see C (coming any time now) but not on a regular basis...3rd party pick up...not in my home.....I may change my mind but it is too much for me now.<P>He declined.<P>He said since he has no feelings for ow I should trust him to get c.<BR>He also wants more "parenting time".<P>I cannot and will not share our life w/ow/C.<P>So I will see my lawyer and pray.<P>Just last Saturday he called me from his golf trip and said he loved me and doesn't want a divorce and we could work something out.<P>Sure...as long as his needs are met.<P>I'm broken hearted and cannot wait to recover as much as you have.<P>I also can't wait to find just a regular nice guy to love.<P>Or be a nun.....but then I'd be wasting my new "boob" job, now wouldn't I ? heh...heh...<P>Have a good life Butterfly.....I know I will....after spending 27 yrs married I won't do THAT again too soon....<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

dear butterfly kisses,<P>reading your touching post makes me *almost* feel sorry for your husband. I can't imagine what is going to happen to him the day he actually realizes what he has given up, when he truly awakens to the fact that he has lost his wife and family.<P>It reminds me of the story of how the old saying "let the cat out of the bag" bag originated. Long ago, piglets were carried to market for sale in cloth sacks. On occasion, a dishonest farmer would substitute a cat for the pig, and a hapless customer would return home to find that instead of a nice fat suckling pig, he had purchased a worthless cat (my apologies to Catnip, haha). If the cat was left out of the bag before the customer bought it, the entire scam was ruined.<P>I think your husband is going to find out very soon that, much like the decieved customer, he has paid a very high price for a worthless object (the ow). Of course, I guess if you think about it, this is a little backwards of the way it usually goes. In this case, he thought he was getting the pu*** and ended up with a hog.<P>Good luck to you in moving and starting your new life, BF. Your grace and courage is inspiring, and I am certain that God will bless you a million times over.<P>With love,<BR>cd

butterflykisses,<P>i am sorry that you are going through this, but am proud of you for being so strong. i know you are hurting. i pray you will sell the house soon, and then you can move here to arizona and start a new life. you deserve happiness, and i am sure you will find it. take care. prayers for you.<P>happy_girl

Dear butterfly!<P>I can hear you roaring from here!! You go girl!<P>I am proud of the stance you have taken. You sould like you are strong and moving on to a better life. Boy will H be missing out or what. <P>God bless you, although it sounds as if her already has.<P>Love and Prayers<P>broken_wings

Gregg~<BR>Yes, what goes around, comes around and I believe my H is already getting his just deserve. He's not happy with OW, but has stayed with her, telling me we're working on our marriage. Yeah right, do I have stupid written on my forehead? NO! He now has lost the only person who would have loved him for the rest of his life. I will never take him back! We truly were best friends for 22 years and he ruined it.<P>Debi~<BR>Reading your post broke my heart!! After 27 years of being married to your H, and it all comes down to the bad choices your H is making. I know what you're feeling and what you're going through. I will keep you in my prayers. I'm a little curious, how old is your H and how old is the C? My H is almost 40 and now has a baby. Our children are all older and we even have a 4 year old beautiful granddaughter. He's a 'Papa' and he has a baby younger than his granddaughter AND the dog he's with is younger than our oldest daughter. Gag!! I like the idea of being a nun. I won't become one, but I'll live the life of one. I don't ever see myself with anyone else in my life. I have been with my H since we were 16 years old and I'm not about to start all over. I was meant to be with my best friend, my H, for the rest of my life and he took that away from us. Follow your heart, dear friend. You will be just fine! I had very bad days and some really good days these last 11 months, and here I stand, ready to face the world again. I have to be honest, I have basically been 'hiding' in my house. I stopped living because I have lived my life for my H almost my whole life and I didn't know what to do or how to function without him. It was strange coming out of my shell, but I've actually been to a few Christian concerts with friends and started buying myself stuff. I never did that before. Oh, you can't waste the boob job either, LOL LOL<P>cd~<BR>You're right, my H did it all backwards. He was looking for the p**** and got the hog instead! Wow, did I just say that?!?! I don't talk that way, but it just slipped out. My H told me before when I asked why he did what he did, that he was looking for happiness and thought he found it, but now realized he always had it with me. He's not happy with this girl and never will be. They fight all of the time! She's filthy, nasty, doesn't shower and lets her animals go to the bathroom in the house. That is SICK!! I know the only reason my H is with her is because he's worried about how she's going to treat that baby and that's the only reason. That's no longer my concern though. I can't let him continue to hurt me. He knows the law and knows that he can fight for custody and I was ready to stand right next to him in court if he needed me there and I was so totally ready to be this baby's step-mom. Knowing all of this, he continued to stay with her. Not my worry any more. Oh, his dog didn't disappoint me last night either when I saw her. Her hair was as greasy as it's ever been and she was filthy. My H has told me time and time again that he has to tell her to shower and brush her teeth. That's just sick!!! I guess I just got tired of being treated the way he was treating me and I finally opened my eyes to everything. He has hurt me one too many times and I can't take it any more. For this reason, I'm leaving this state and never looking back. I just got done talking to my oldest son and he told me he was at his dads house earlier (a BIG no-no!!) and he said he never knew his dad was with a pig! No one believes me when I say what she looks like. She was wearing my H's clothes last night and they were busting out at the seams!!! She's huge!! I weigh 103 lb. and she weighs about 190 - 200 lb. My son said she's not a pig because of her size, but because she really looks like a pig. Why in the world would my H be with someone like that, I'll never understand. He's a total clean freak and would never have lived with me if the house was dirty or I was dirty. I know it won't last between them. I know deep down in my heart I still love him and I always will, but I love myself more than that to let him continue to hurt me. I never did like myself, but I do now. I am doing things that I never knew I could before. I never paid bills or did yard work. For 22 years, my H has done that stuff. I've never had to get breaks on cars, car inspections or even buy a car, but I've done all of that on my own in the last 11 months. <P>happy_girl~<BR>So good to hear from you! I'm still looking forward to meeting you and going out for Mexican food. Just don't be embarrassed when I order it with no cheese. Yuck!! I do not like cheese at all, but I love Mexican food! I pray my house sells soon!! It's a beautiful home with oak through out. I even have all oak wood blinds. We bought the home new almost 4 years ago. I won't be going into anything as nice as I have now or as big, I'm sure, but at least it will be a home that has no memories of my husband! I think of everything we had here and holidays shared here and it makes me sick to my stomach.<P>broken_wings~<BR>Yes, my H will miss out, but it's his own fault. I can't believe I'm even saying any of this because I have always lived for my H and only him. I always knew he and I would be together, forever. I never had any doubts about that. I loved him so much that I forgave him for everything. I loved him so much that I wanted him back in my life and to rebuild our marriage, stronger than it ever was. He'll miss out, that's for sure. Oh, my roar is bigger than my bite, ha ha ha I don't know where the person I have become, came from either. As I've said before, I relied on my H for everything. Shoot, he even did laundry for me! He was a great husband. He was my best friend.<P>Sorry to go on and on. I just get to writing and I can't stop. I have so many thoughts going through my mind all of the time. It helps to write it all down.<P>Happy Easter to everyone and God bless, <BR>Tammy<P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B>

Butterfly,<BR>I'm so very very sorry this has happened to you. What an idiot your H has been... I Almost feel sorry for him, to lose your beautiful family. But you Go Girl! Show us that it is possible to mourn and move on with a happy happy life... please come give us an update sometime, hm?<P>God bless,<BR>J.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I will keep you in my prayers. I'm a little curious, how old is your H and how old is the C? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for the prayers ButterflyK. <P>C is not yet born. Ow is due May 1st. It will be her 4th child.<P>My H is 48. We've been together since we were 18. I'll be 48 in June.<P>I read what you wrote to cd about doing everything for H. Same with me. I'm having a hard time seperating from my routine. I'm very lonely even though I'm surrounded by many friends and loved ones. I force myself to leave the house most days.<P>My dear sister has been letting me come to her office daily to stuff envelopes, confirm patients, put away files etc. just as therapy.(dental office).<P>I truly don't know how I will make a living and support myself. I'm scared for that. My H wanted me home...old fashioned I know....but I felt cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, shopping, running errands...was a gift from God and thanked God for my family each day.<P>I had a purpose....now I have no purpose. nada. zip...I feel like a useless uneducated woman.<P>I really don't want to or have the where with all to go back to school.<P>Hey...I can always be a hooker or exotic dancer now that I have boobs!<BR>HMMMMM.....5 ft tall 100 lbs. "c" cup blonde cute for my age....maybe there's hope?<P>Seriously though I identify with our ages etc. Just that my H is a fool to think I could accept an affair then baby then him going to ow house to get baby and say it won't affect "us" Now how the hell won't it?<P>I, too feel he's hurt me one time too many and am perplexed by it all. I must love him a hell of a lot more than he loves me. Somedays now I wonder how I could love him. I must be insane!!!!!<P>Good luck with your move. I wish you the best.<P>Debi<P><BR>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited April 15, 2001).]

Jenny~<BR>Yes, my H is an idiot, that's for sure. I will never understand what he has done. I don't think he does either. I know he regrets what he did, but he made his bed, now he has to suffer the consequences of his actions. He could be home with me, but his choice is to be unhappy with her. I sometimes think that he feels he must suffer because of what he had done. That's so NOT true!! I forgave my H totally. Once you forgive, you can't take it back, or at least, I didn't. He KNOWS I love him and want him in my life, yet he's still there. No longer my problem (not that he was ever a problem)!<P>Debi~<BR>Wow, I know exactly what you're talking about when you say you love him a hell of a lot more than he loves you. The weirdest part for my story is that each and every day that my H was gone and continued to hurt me, my love for him grew and grew. I knew I didn't 'need' him in my life, that I could make it on my own without him. But, I knew I <B>Loved</B> him more than I <B>Ever</B> have!!! My love for him continued to grow for him!! I love my H more than I ever have in my life. I never knew I could love him more than I did before this all started, but I do. We use to playfully say 'I love you more' all of the time, but now I KNOW I love him more than he could ever love me. That's why I had to do what I'm doing. I love him so much and it only hurts me to love him. I can't continue to let myself hurt. When he had the A and left and I knew nothing of what was going on, it was my H who was hurting me. It was also my H who continued to hurt me all of these months with his lies to me of loving me, hating her, etc., but I was also hurting myself. A lot of my pain was self inflected by me. I had to pull my head out of the sand and see the light of day for what it really was. My H wanted his cake and eat it too. I DON'T SHARE!!!<P>Have you and your H gone to counseling? I'm a firm believer in counseling individually and joint marriage counseling. My H wanted to go, until his dog started her threatening to turn my H into the Air Force if he didn't leave me (after he moved back home after two months gone). My H left out of fear of his Air Force career. He is now retired and she holds nothing over his head. Please consider counseling!! Does your H know how you feel, really feel about this C and him seeing the OW? Does he know the pain he is causing you by him wanting to pick the C up from OW's home?? Stand firm in what you feel in your heart when it comes to your H having any kind of contact with her. <P>As for you having no talent. Please, please give yourself more credit!! IF you decide that you can no longer live with you H and you must move on, please believe in yourself and know that you CAN make it without him. There are so many opportunities out there that you can do!! You may have to get in a company at ground level, but that's a foot in the door. And, your H won't get off scott free either. He would have to pay alimony to you. You're on the computer, so that tells me you can type!! That's a job skill. There are many jobs out there that are typing on a computer, or maybe not so much just 'typing' but data input. That's done on a computer. Please don't close the door and limit yourself as to what you can and can't do!! You can do ANYTHING if you put your whole heart and soul into it. I know you're scared too! IF you do want to leave, think ahead first. If you know this is what you really want to do, maybe you can tell your H that you're going to take some classes for a few months to get your mind off of the pain that the situation with the C/OW is causing. Take a trade course (there are so many available out there, even in the dental, medical, banking, and so many other fields) While still living with your H, you could be gaining valuable training to make that final move to get out. Please know that I would love for you and your H to work your marriage out more than anything, but do not, I repeat, do not do it at the risk of your sanity. I read posts from people and they're talking about still being with their H or W and not being happy and I think to myself, how lucky they are because at least they have the chance to work on their marriage if they truly wanted to. I don't have that opportunity in my marriage!! I would do whatever it took to rebuild my marriage, because that's what I wanted more than anything. My H took that chance away from me. I KNOW my marriage was fixable and I know my marriage could have been a success, but again, he took it away from me, from us! I guess what I'm trying to say is, before you do anything, think about everything first. How much do you love your H? Enough to work on your marriage and regain the love and respect you once had? If so, work like hell to make that happen!!! You have a chance that I don't have with my marriage. Do you have hope where your marriage is concerned? If so, than your marriage will survive. It's when there is no hope left in you, that your marriage is over. As long as you have hope, your marriage can survive.<P>I'm sorry, I feel like I've rambled, but your story is truly touching my heart. If you ever need to talk, you can e-mail me. I won't have the answers, but I do have shoulders that will carry your burden, if needed.<P>Hugs to you both,<BR>Tammy<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>What you spend years building,<BR>someone could destroy overnight;<BR><B>Build anyway.</B><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly Kisses (edited April 15, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Does your H know how you feel, really feel about this C and him seeing the OW? Does he know the pain he is causing you by him wanting to pick the C up from OW's home?? Stand firm in what you feel in your heart when it comes to your H having any kind of contact with her. <P>As for you having no talent. Please, please give yourself more credit!! IF you decide that you can no longer live with you H and you must move on, please believe in yourself and know that you CAN make it without him. There are so many opportunities out there that you can do!! You may have to get in a company at ground level, but that's a foot in the door. And, your H won't get off scott free either. He would have to pay alimony to you. You're on the computer, so that tells me you can type!! That's a job skill. There are many jobs out there <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Tammy,<BR>Yes he knows. I've been saying I no longer hate baby but cannot accept it. I don't know if I ever will, however I would be open to it in the future if it came on it's own to see H. That way no involvement w/ow. I only can accept a few visits a year for now. Not fatherhood sharing w/ow.<P>I can't type. I "two finger" type. I am 10 months new to computer and my son has to show me a lot. He's 21. He's been w/computers since 2nd grade when we bought him an "Apple" computer. I never had any interest untill my late June b/day last year. Son and H got me this Compaq and I just fumbled through. Just so I could visit and talk to my fellow Yankee fans about baseball. Funny, the season started and my heart is not all that into it.<P>Yes I want our marriage to work. H won't give an inch. He's staying w/a friend of ours. It's been one month today since I told him to go.<P>I overheard him say I would not accept him going to ow house to get C and how it will never work and he has to do what he has to do...the RIGHT thing.(refering to visits and support of C).<P>I was spastic and told him to get out. He didn't know how I got crazy. He kept asking what happened? I told him I heard him. I told him I would call 911 and say he was beating me if he didn't go. He left and came the next day to get ALL his things.<P>We talked a few times since but past week came to a standoff.<P>He dropped off pay check Sat. and didn't come inside. Just left it in mailbox.<P>When I saw him through the window my heart leapt from my chest. Then the pain and ache returned. I simply had an f'd up day after that. I took a tranxene around 830 pm so I could just go to sleep. I really wanted to go out and drink but I can't drink anymore as it puts me in a bad frame of mind. I sure miss wine with dinner each night. heh...heh...<P>I will call lawyer back mon. and set up appt. to see what my options are just in case. H told me Wed. to "just hurry up and get it over with so we can go on w/our lives"<P>Sure a far cry from last sat. when he said no divorce...don't you think?<P>I am too stubborn to call him. He knows where I stand.<P>Thanks for all your info BF. I appreciate it.<P>BTW, my son sees the whole thing my way and thinks dad is asking for way too much. He said, "Mom, I wouldn't accept him going to the whores house either. It's like being friends with the person he cheated on you with. I can see how you feel, why can't Dad? He's being an as*".<P>THAT made me feel better. Myson hasn't really said too much since H left. I was amazed he shared how he felt w/me. He usually only shares w/counsler.<P>Yes H and I counseled w/priest/psychiatrist from my church. But do you know by february it became clear to me he was on H's side about "not turning his back on a child of God".<P>I abruptly quit making appointments with him. It was like he was convincing me it was the only way to save my marriage. <BR>H already thinks it's the right thing to do and will never turn his back on flesh and blood.<P>Sure hope flesh and blood grows old w/him and wants to share it's life w/ H as much as H wants to share it's life w/him. I doubt it.<P>For the record it took me 30 min. to think and type all this...so I'm not so good after all!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Debi~<P>I 100% feel your feelings and I know what you're going through. My H and I went to counseling 12 years ago and everything was MY fault. The counselor only saw one side and it wasn't my side. He was the WRONG counselor for us. There are so may out there and they each have their own opinions and some do more harm than they do good. <P>It does sound to me that your H is set in what he's going to do. But, he sure has made a 100% turn around in the last week. I wonder what caused that big of a change? He sounds just like my H is some ways. Says one thing one day, then another the next. He's also like my H in the aspect of his older children. My H is willing to give up five beautiful children and a beautiful granddaughter for this child. My children see what their father has done and they want nothing to do with him. It's all his doing. Your children are older too and see what your H is doing and know how wrong it is, but there is nothing they can do about it. Your H will come out of the fog and who knows when, hopefully in time to save his marriage or maybe not. If not, he'll see what a beautiful family he has lost. Blood is blood, but yet he's willing to turn his back on his first blood...YOUR children? How very sad!! Same with my H. Who knows what's going through our H's minds right now, but I do know that they will wake up and be so sorry for everything they have done, and by then, it will be too late! The damage has been done.<P>My heart truly breaks for you Debi. Just know that no matter what happens, you are NOT at fault!!! You can't change your heart to cater to only your H's needs and him not think about your feelings. No matter what happens in your life, I know you'll be fine!! There are so many jobs out there that you can get, so never let yourself get down. I was just like you where the computer is concerned. My son taught me everything I know and now I type very fast. With practice, you can too. There are even software programs to help you and they don't cost a lot of money. Maybe something to think about.<P>When you call your atty. on Monday, be strong and know you're doing the only thing that you can do right now. Your H isn't leaving you any options and it's all his doing (again, NOT YOUR FAULT!) You will get alimony and if you have younger children under 18, you will get cs and you should also ask for your atty. fees too! You may not be able to live the life you're currently living, but you will be just fine. I have had to cut down on a lot, but I'm still here and it hasn't hurt me any. Actually, I just bought a new 2001 car all on my own and when I move, I'll be buying a home, of my own. I didn't think I could ever buy a home by myself, but my BIL & SIL told me that I could and my pmts would be smaller than a small 3 bedroom apartment. Three bedrooms is too small for me and my kids and they are right, I can buy a home. It will be smaller than the one I have now and not as nice (this one is new and very big and very beautiful) but that's okay too. It will be MINE!! Think positive and don't let anything or anyone get you down! You're doing this for you and your children. You have to be happy with yourself first and foremost and you will, with time find happiness. I'm sure you're thinking, NO WAY, just like I did, many, many times, but I'm learning to be happy again. My H will NEVER be able to take that away from me. If he did, it would only be because I let him and I will never give him that power over me. I don't hate my H or the OW and never could. That would be taking energy from me and giving it to them and it would also stop me from my healing process. I do not want to become bitter or ever hate anyone. Now, I do HATE what has happened to my life, but I could never hate a person, no matter what they have done to me. Again, that would take away from me, my time and my sanity. I do know that my H's baby is very precious and beautiful and I wish them all the luck in the world. They will need it!! My heart breaks for that poor baby because neither one of her parents have any morals or values. My H use to, but I have no clue where they went. As for the OW (the dog who is younger than our daughter) I don't believe she ever had any! She is very psycho and I will never trust her as far as I could throw her. She has done many things to prove just how crazy she really is. My H has told me many times how psycho she is. That's why he's worried about how she'll treat the baby. She has even threatened me before on her website. Talking about stabbing me and how she has 'two guns'. When I told my H, it was gone, that fast. He never looks at her site, so he never knows what's on there. He told me he would never let her do anything to me or our family. She lied to my H, told him she medically could never get pregnant. The truth was, she could and wanted a baby!! She had a boyfriend (in college with her) who didn't want children, so she went after her new boss, my husband. Stupid him, he left our marriage and believed that ugly child. His big mistake that he now has to live with. Not my fault, just as nothing is your fault.<P>I didn't mean to get off on my story again. I'm just trying to help you understand and know that you CAN stand strong on your own. It won't always be a bed of roses, I won't sugar coat anything for you, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm living proof of that. Look at your signature line... 'Imagine...' Just imagine what you CAN do in life and don't let anyone get in your way!! You are woman ... let's hear you roar!!!!! <P>Hugs to you,<BR>Tammy<P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B>

Tammy,<P>I have a hard time responding to posts the way I used to now that Abbi is here. I wanted to reply after I read your post the first time, but you know how babies can be. I start and that's when she wants to eat again <P>I am torn between being happy and sad for your situation. I am happy that you are able to move on with your life, and are commited to your decision. Yet, I am sad that your H has made you take it this far, and that he just can't see what he has and is doing to you and your family by staying with his "dog". Just like with Gem's H and his foolish decisions. I think that it is just a crock to claim that he is just there to be sure the child is treated the right way! If that was the case, and he knew that you were willing to be a mom, whether it be a step-mom or a true mom, why didn't he just try for custody. I mean, if this "dog" allows her animals to use her home as a toilet, and she never cleans, or uses common sence about her personal hygene, how, in God's name can she care for a new born? I'm a pack rat when it comes to bills, papers, magazines, etc. But, at least I can keep my house clean. It's just cluttered And, I may skip a day for taking a shower, but never more than that! <P>I hope that some day soon, I will get to meet both you and Happy Girl. We don't know right now about my H's next orders, but do plan on retiring in AZ, and possibly in the PHX area. That is actually sooner than we think, and we had discussed him staying home and being Mr. Mom while I go to work. Abbi will be 7 by then, and in school, so if he wanted to work, he could get a job working the hours she's at school. I will probably get my insurance license renewed, or actually retake the test for it, and would like to work for a big company, and actually get paid what I am worth. Most of those companies are located in PHX, not Tucson. Who knows, maybe we will meet someday soon.<P>Look at me, I rambled again. But, I need to read some more of these posts before I get myself and Abbi ready for church. Happy Easter to all of you!<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Tigger~<P>First off, I want to say <B>CONGRATULATIONS</B> to you and Sailorman!!! I've seen Abbi's pictures and she is a precious Angel <P>As for my H and what he's doing. I've told him he's using that as an excuse and I'm not falling for it anymore. I believed him before, but I believed every word he told me. I always have. I hate what I'm going through and I would do anything to have my H back with me. I will always love him, but I don't think it will ever be the same. I was willing to be her step-mom or even her real mom (we adopted two and I am their mom!!) and my H knew it and knows it now. He worked in the legal field (not an atty.) in the military, so he does know the law. Who knows why he's doing what he's doing. I don't think I'll ever know. I want so bad to write him an e-mail today (he would get it tomorrow at work) but I can't do that. He's no longer my H, the man I knew. Legally, we're still married, for the time being, but he's not mine. <P>As for his dog, she truly is a nasty person!!! My son saw her yesterday and told me how ugly she is. Weight has nothing to do with it (although she IS fat!). He said she looks just like a pig. He can't believe his dad is even with her. My H is very good looking. He could have had any 'hot babe...GAG!!) but he fell for the dog. Go figure... I may have a day on the weekend that I don't do anything, I shower, but not wash my hair, but I'm never filthy. That dog is filthy!!! How sad for my H and their daughter, but again, his choice.<P>I hope to meet you and Sailorman too!! That would be great if you move to the Phoenix area. Actually, my H and I were going to move to Tucson after his retirement from the AF, but now that it's just me, I will have more job opportunities in the BIG city than I would in Tucson. I work for a major bank in the nation, so there are a lot of openings there. I just need to sell my house, then I can start looking for a job there to transfer into.<P>Have a very happy and blessed Easter Day!!!<P>Hugs,<BR>Tammy

Hey Girl how was your Easter?<P>My aunt told me H told her he doesn't want a divorce but the "hurry up" thing was to get me out of my pain.(?)<P>He doesn't want ow. Broke it off finally in late july. It was that fatal "goodby" boink that she says she got pregnant from. Due may 1. coincides with late july early aug.<P>But he wants to be involved in C's life a bit too much for me.<BR>Leaving is less painful than staying w/that...you know? Both choices are painful...I'm picking the lesser of two evils.<P>I know I'll be ok.<P>I'm going to see what's up.<P>You know I agree w/Tigger that it's a crock your H is worried about ow. If I told my H to go for custody it would make his day! I think your H stays w/her cuz he wants too...what an as*.... I would kill my H if he did that. I think...heh..heh..heh... That woman pig-girl sounds nuts!!!<P>You sure have your hands full Tammy. I only have my son. No other kids.<P>Thanks for all your encouragement. I need it.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi Debi~<P>My Easter was the first alone without my H and not too easy. I slept for a few hours too. I wanted to spend the whole day with my kids, but some left for a while and others were outside or watching home videos. It was hard for everyone. My H wanted to be here, but I told him no! I have to start the 'first' of the holidays alone. He doesn't deserve to be here with our family anyway. He has a new family, he needs to spend time with them. I know he wants to spend time with our kids before we move, but the thing is, they don't want to see him! They all leave when he comes over on Sundays. I've told him to stop coming over! I need him here on the 21st to get the rest of his stuff out. I'm having an open house on the 22nd. I pray it sells!!!!!!!!!! I need to get out of here SOON!!! I'm going nuts. I don't see how people can stay living in the same area when this happens. I live about 30 miles away from my H and his dog, but I have to pass their exit on the freeway every day, going to work. I can't do it anymore.<P>I respect what everyone does and how they handle the C/OC. I could never say 'only this way is right' or 'only that way is right.' We all have to do what we have to do to get by in our own lives, for our own sanity. I was one would have and could have opened my heart to the baby. I was all set to be her step-mom!!! He built that up so much and then Boom! When I told him to tell the dog we're working on our marriage, all of a sudden he was happy with her. Let him be happy, actually, that's what I need so that I can get over him. I NEVER thought I would ever in my life say that, but here I am, saying it and meaning it. I will always love him, but I will never allow him to hurt me again. So, with saying all of that, please know that I totally understand where you're coming from when you say you can't handle that in your life and I respect it. I respect it when the WS wants nothing to do with the OC and I respect it when the BS wants nothing to do with the OC. I also respect the people who do have contact with the OC. I for one could never hold anything against the OC, they did not ask to be born to cheaters!! They are the innocent victims in this mess. I don't believe in calling the OC names that have been used by people, but they don't have to agree with me either on how I feel. We are all different and live different lives. What a sick world it would be if we were all the SAME!!! Can you imagine that?? I can't! <P>Well, I think I rambled on enough here. I believe you and Tigger are both right. He wants to be where he's at right now. The thing is, it won't last. I just pray I have the strength to turn him away when he tries to come back to me, which I know he will. He still to this day says he loves me. Yeah right, his kind of love hurts too much, but I still love him!!!<P>How was your Easter? I hope it was a very good and happy day for you!! <P>Angel Hugs to all,<BR>Tammy

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>How was your Easter? I hope it was a very good and happy day for you!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I had an ok day at my Mom's w/my sisters and families and Dad and Aunt and Uncle.<P>My Son came too but left to be w/girlfriend for dinner.<P>I told everyone when I got there I was having a bad day. They all pray for and support me no matter what I decide.<P>I cried once. Just burst into tears....then I was ok again.<P>I too agree w/moving. I forgot H said it's impossible just now. He filed bankruptcy....we wouldn't see much profit from our home as he borrowed against it for his business.<BR>Ow lives 1/2 mile from me and I see her everywhere or pass her on the road a few times a week.<P>You know we were all friends. Her H and her and my H and me spent lots of weekends together at each others homes and going out to dinner etc. I am psychologically damaged by that. The A was going on under my nose and I NEVER SUSPECTED A THING.<P>Even though now he professes his sorrow in his mistake, when I see her I "trigger" really bad.<P>Oh well it's in Gods hands now.<P>BTW even though son agrees w/me on the issues he says "YOU and DAD belong together MOM. DAD loves you. Try to work it out." Bless him.<P>I too love my H but feel he's asking too much of me right now. I want to stop the pain and be whole again. He CAN help w/that if he chooses.<P>Thanks Tammy.<P>Hugs back at you.<P>Debi<P><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Butterfly,<BR>Wow all I can say is you got it together.I'm impressed by how you have handled this you are definetly one to be proud of. To bad for h that he cant see that. I feel as you do that is his problem not yours. If he really only knew how many problems he is yet to have. It has had to be quit awful seeing somebody jump over the edege as he has.I hope you sell your house real soon. Keep up the wonderful possitive thinking you have going on, and you cant lose. with love flowerseed

Gemin1, you have been in my thoughts. I pray your husband wakes up and gives you what you need and you can heal. My h continues to try, but last night was tough-he crying for not having contact with OC, which I understand he needs to mourn the loss to him but also saddens me the OC pains him so when without no contact he would lose more than OC-he will lose me, our kids , our home, his self respect with friends and family. If his family found out,they would be so humiliated and disappointed in him, as I am. I am trying to forgive his mistake, it is hard. I agree having no contact with OC helps, but I am realizing as long as we pay CS for 18 years, closure will never happen for me and I do not know how to live with this. I hope OW moves away, we are entrenched here, husband in same job 15 plus years, etc. whereas OW has only tie to H who she keeps waiting will parent. I keep hoping as soon as she realizes he will not be available to OC, she will move on and find a father for child; I wish you well.