it seems to me that alot of ow are fat, the thing is why do our men go with a FAT woman,or an ugly woman? is it because they are so fat & ugly or just fat or just ugly that they do anything for a man, how can the man want to do anything with this person, my H did not kiss OW in my opinion if a man did not want to kiss me I would kinda wonder wouldn't you? just so very confusing and really hard to understand

Dear fizz,<P>Husbands do not cheat based on who they find attractive, they cheat based on who is available that can provide them with a cheap thrill, an escape from the marital problems, a feeling of being desirable, etc. Women with extreme self-esteem issues (from being fat, ugly, child abuse victims, etc.) are more likely to be ow, because they are willing to do more things to seek approval from men and to feel wanted.<P>In my case, ow actually looks a little like me. Same hair and eye color, same build (although I am taller). I think in some ways h was seeking a cd-substitute because I had emotionally alienated him. it took him quite a while to find out that I am irreplacable, haha!<P>But in general, I am guessing a high percentage of ow are fat and/or ugly because really, most beautiful women have enough self-confidence to demand that their men belong solely to them. Even the ow who are really attractive have some sort of self-esteem issue, as to most wandering spouses. I think that low self-esteem plays a larger part in infidelity than anyone would ever guess.<P>I am guessing that most of the former ws here would probably admit to having low self-esteem at the time of the affair. i know my h's self-esteem was practically nill at that time. <BR>cd

My H's OW is UGLY and I mean UGLY.. I'm not just saying that. The first time I saw her (when he met her too)I thought she was. And the sad thing is that OC looks just like her (or at least in the pic I saw of her). I feel sorry for her. H can't blame it on being drunk because he knew her before he "did" IT. EWWWW

My husband states he didn't desire OW so much initially as that she was willing, available, and desirous.He felt I didn't desire him for along time, didn't feel like a man. She was not his educational or cultural equal, and even though he says he did fall in love with her-although keep in mind 2 months after stopping affair he barely thinks of her-he doesn't think he would like her much over long time, since they were very different and had little in common. NOw we are stuck paying her for 18 years.Go figure. She actually isn't particularly attractive and 6 months after having C, she didn;t look too good, whereby I regained my shape 1 month after having both kids.Go figure.

I agree. I can't imagine anyone with any self-esteem knowingly putting themselves second on purpose. <P>The ow in my case had zero confidence in herself. I do not know what she looks like so I cant really dog her personally on appearance. But my H even told her I was prettier than her and this is information she gave me. Mine is not the 1st married man she has gone for and I would bet he is not the last (so those of you in AZ watch out).<P>She told my H that the reason she goes for married men is bc when they leave her it is nothing personal. Can you imagine that?! Because it is "nothing personal". Jeez.<P>Love and Prayers<P>bw

i agree with cd. the OW in my case is not attractive at all. and worse, she is vulgar, trashy, etc. i am not a beauty queen, but consider myself average, and i am definitely not vulgar or trashy. i guess i would have felt worse had she been some beautiful, classy lady. that would have been harder to deal with. though some days i wonder what on EARTH was he thinking? then i remember he wasn't...the other head was, then one with no brain.<P>happy_girl

Totally agree. And it's not about looks it's about the MM's personal and marital problems; and OW have to have problems to even BE an OW. BTW CD, I can totally relate to your description... XOW was a fat Jenny-substitute--a poor one at that.

Thank GOODNESS I am not the only one who feels this way! When I saw OW, I said, "H...WHY????" I have a very small build and take great pride in how I look, so I couldn't understand why he would choose to "dis" me with someone so repulsive! I said, "Was it her breasts? B/C if it was, I can get a smaller Wonderbra and squish them more!" He said she was "nice and had good intentions and was easy to talk to." Of course, now he's retracting the "good intentions" part of it! I will believe to my dying day that this woman who was urning for a child, who PROVIDED the condom that BROKE...poked holes in it herself before giving it to H to be used!!! I bet she has a whole compartment in her purse with HOLEY condoms....and either my husband or some other unlucky man is the victim of her deception! Am I grasping at straws here?

Irish,<BR>Oh my I loved the wonderbra and squish them. Oh how funny! The ow that I was so lucky to have in my life didnt even need a bra flat as a board .I mean nothing you would have thought she was a boy. I think she might possibly weigh 90 lbs and she is about 5ft 5in. ucky ucky ucky has herpes and god only knows what else. with love flowerseed

fighting,<BR>you're NOT grasping at straws; there really ARE women who will "trap" a daddy this deceitful way and some are XOW. H and I will always wonder if 'our' XOW got pregnant on purpose, but no one knows but her and I wouldn't believe anything she says! <P>(btw, by jenny-substitute I mean she has similar hair, eyes, smile... but not her heart or values, where it counts!)