Hi, I am new and whated to ask the people here a question, so maybe I can come to some conclusion. I am hoping I am in the right place. Here is the question? If you found out that your pregnant and your husband tells you to get rid of it or give it up for adoption or he will leave you, what would you do? You really want this baby and giving it up would just kill you.<P>If you did decide to keep it, and he left would you ask for support?<P>Please let me know!!!!

Momhurting,<P>I have a couple questions for you first. The biggest one is, are you pregnant by your H or from an affair? This board is for those who have to deal with a child that is the result of an affair, whether it be by the husband or the wife. In my case, I was the one to have a child from an affair. When we found out that I was pregnant, I was willing to do anything to keep my marriage from being destroyed. God had His hand in our lives, and we couldn't find a clinic that would do abortions, and having been through the pain of giving a child up for adoption 13 yrs ago, we couldn't do that. My H had a hard time at the beginning of the pregnancy, but once the baby was born, he is now completely in love with her, and says that she is his no matter what. That conversation came about when we were discussing some of the blood tests done at birth.<P>My second question may not even need to be addressed, depending on your answer to the first. That is, if you are pregnant by your H, then what are his reasons for not wanting the child? If you are pregnant by your H, you may want to post on the General Questions board.<P>Please let us know which it is, so that we may be able to help you in your situation a little better.<P>Tigger

I am pregnant by my H. His reasons are that he doesn't want it period.

Momhurting,<P>Well, I don't really know what to tell you. Unfortunately for you, this board is mainly to help those who are dealing with a child being the result of an affair. Again, I would suggest posting on general questions. There is probably someone there who knows a little more how to help. This is Marriage Builders, and it sounds as if you want to keep your marriage as well as the child. I wish I could help you out more, and pray that things work out for you.<P>Tigger

momhurting:<P>From a MarriageBuilder's standpoint, I'd suggest that you go through and read all the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Concepts</A>, as well as the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5500_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Q&A</A> section. This will help you get up to speed on the philosophies behind MB.<P>Your husband is giving you what amounts to a "selfish demand" in that he's telling you to give up this child or he will leave. That's certainly "against" MB principles, but I'm betting that your being pregnant is not something that he would have agreed to in the first place. <P>The first suggestion that I would do is to try to respectfully negotiate with each other on this issue. It's pretty clear that your husband doesn't want children---correct? If that's the case, did you know this when you married him? You can't expect him to change his mind overnight about this type of life-altering decision. You need to listen to him about why he doesn't want a child. Whether you agree with him or not---you need to listen and validate that he has a right to feel the way he does.<P>See if the two of you can reach solution that you both agree with. <P>If you can't, you may be put into the decision of having to choose between your wife and your child. That's not easy, and it's a decision you'll have to make for yourself.<P>As far as child support goes, you would have a legal right to it. However, if you have tricked or decieved your husband into getting pregnant when he specifically told you that he didn't want children---I'd suggest that you might want to drop any child support issues.

Thank you for your replies. K- we have other children so it is not the point that he doesn't ever want children. We have never used condoms in our marriage or any other birth control so I don't know why he thought it would never happen. I have an irregular period so it is hard for me to get pregnant but not impossible.<BR>

momhurting:<P>That's pretty interesting. Now, the question (to your husband) would be why he opposes another child? This isn't a minor issue if he's raised it to the point that he would walk out on his family.<P>Is he afraid that he can't provide for another child?<BR>Is he tired of raising children, and doesn't want another?<BR>Is he worried that you'll spend more time on caring for the child than taking care of him?<P>How was your marriage up to this point?

momhurting,<P>Are you still out there?<P>How is it going today?<P>All the best.<BR>--HBC