I admit my previous post was a little rude. I was just surprized at how many people were so quick to say how awful I am. To make things more clear, I have done some C on my own. I am going to tell my H within the next two weeks. I hate the fact that I have lied to him about the baby being his, she is only 4 months old, I found out she was not his when she was only 3 months. So I have only known a month. The OM knows too, I had both (OM and D) of them tested. I have been doing alot of soul searching, trying not to punish myself for my mistakes, trying to not punish anyone for them. I now the CS issue is a senstive one w/ many of you. I am just trying to figure out if it is a good option for me. NOT FOR THE MONEY, but it will make the OM somehow responsible for our mistake. Soon after I started the A. I knew that was something I did not want. I wanted my H, my family. Then I found out I was P, I only continued it due to the fact I didn't know if the baby was my H or OM. I knew it would be easier to have OM tested. If she was n't his, great, I learned my lesson, move on. If she was, what was I to do. So March 12 I found out she was OM. My world has collapsed. I want to do the right thing by everyone. At the same time, I want my children to have their father. So I am trying to get everything settled in my head before I bring my world and H down. I know one of you called me a slut, that is fine, I felt like it. I know I am not. I am not a bad person, just someone who is trying to find out what I should do. Amazingly, there are people like myself in these positions who truly do not want hurt anyone and is certainly not looking to profit from it. <BR>RY

RY:<P>As has been pointed out in several posts, you need to:<P>1. Tell your husband.<P>2. Patiently wait for the dust to settle<P>3. Attempt to make all decisions using the Policy of Joint Agreement.<P>Don't spend a whole lot of time trying to get things settled in your mind---there liable to get unsettled again. Just follow the above path, and see where it gets you.

RY,<P>I'm just curious, does OM want to have anything to do with this child? If your H is willing to raise it as his own, is OM willing to relinquish his rights? I don't feel that it would be good for your marriage if OM was to be involved, although, if your H loves you enough, he would be willing to work something out in that regard. In our situation, OM doesn't know, and we hope he never does find out. He has shown to us that he can be a very violent man, and that is the last thing any child needs. We have both agreed that we will not tell OM, but will tell our D when she is old enough to understand. As I have said in other posts, my H says that it doesn't matter who "fathered" Abbi, she is his D and he is her true daddy. If OM somehow finds out, and wants to have some sort of visitation/custody, then we will sue for CS. Of course, after the grace period for assumed paternity has past, I don't think he could do anything in that regard. And, since my H is more than willing to be Abbi's father, he isn't going to contest paternity, just let it go as him being the father. I am glad to hear that you are going to be telling your H in about 2 weeks. Let us know before you do, so we can pray for God to have his hand in your words, and your H's ears and heart to be opened. It may have been a rough start here, but it looks like our road is smoothing out now. Please continue to post your feelings and questions. <P>Tigger

I may tell your husband about the baby's biological father, but if the OM does not want involvement with child, what is the point? I think it will hurt your husband and possibly hurt your children, destroy the family you profess to care about. But only you know what is best, each of us must go the path we need to go. I think the OW in my case, professing she would go it alone, refusing to get an abortion, claiming she wanted nothing from my H, actually lied to him and her-if not directly, in her heart.She always knew she would expect him involved in child<BR>s life,although how she thought that would happen with my consent I do not understand. Now she is starting to harass us and truly seems to have no regard for our children's needs, kids she has met by the way. I trust you will know what is best for your kids, I do not know the ages of your children but I think this is a very bitter pill to swallow, even for adult kids. If I can make it through life and my kids never find out about OC, I will. I think it will only bring them heartache they do not deserve to have inflicted on them, like I did not deserve it. I hope it goes well for you.

Ok Regretfully yours,<P>I gotta say I was ready to tell you to go away, but i think you are catching on to this board now. We are here to tell our stories, offer advice (not cram it down each others throats), and pray for each other. We are all here bc we share a kinship that not many understand. We are here to help each other by being understanding and emphathetic.<P>My question is now...does your H know you ever had an affair? I am assuming not since he would probably make a connection with the time periods, but I am trying to clarify the situation. If not I guess you are really gonna tear up his world, so be easy with him, but please be totally honest from the get go. My H was not totally honest when he first told me about his affair and it was like I had continuous d-days for about a year. Oh yeah and pray before you speak to him. Ask God to give you the words. You would be amazed at what happens. <P>I will say a prayer for you.<P>broken_wings<p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited April 17, 2001).]