She has been "daddy shopping" for a few years now. She stated to myself and H that she never "wanted a man involved, she just wanted a child". However, after she had the child, she realized she couldn't afford it. Consequently, she decided to sue for the CS/Custody. She says that she "deserves" my H's emotional support, b/c "no one is there for her." However, again...she reiterates that she doesn't want a man...and we "better not take her baby from her." She wants the child to know who his father is, but on HER terms. This means, she wants my H to come see him at HER house whenever he wants, but she doesn't want him to "have" the child "that much". We have letters from her and transcribed telephone conversations with her where she has said that she does not "want the money" but feels she "deserves" it because she has "lost all of her friends because of this and has no support system" and most importantly she needs the money "to get her life back." Keep in mind, I am QUOTING her! Two weeks ago she called my SIL, bawling because she is "lonely" and wanted to know if she could just come by with the oc and spend some time with my SIL. She was told absolutely NOT! She then said, "Well, since I am not getting any support from anyone in your family, I will just have to take your brother for more money." Well, we all know she can't do that, just because she is "lonely." She had called our ATTY and asked why she can't have personal, one on one contact with my H. (DUH!) She says doesn't want to go through the courts to settle this...she wants to be able to work this out between her and my H, privately. Obviously this isn't an option! So, my question is....if this DNA test comes back positive...BEFORE they put me in a straight jacket and ship me off....HOW do I deal with a psychotic woman like this for the rest of my life, who simply had a ticking clock inside of her and chose to involve a FAMILY in her quest for a child instead of going the routes of adoption or artficial insimination...because this way she had the opportunity to MAKE money, instead of having to SPEND money to get the child! <P>~Irish

Dear irish,<BR>"our" ow was also daddy shopping. She wanted a baby to love her because she had lost a sister a few years back to murder. Wanted a girl to name after the sister. That's what she got, and that's what she did. Admitted to me and her friends that she targeted my h in part because he made good money (at least compared to the other guys she was whoring around with). Of course, she really thought that she would get him to be WITH her and support her, not just collect cs.<P>All I can tell you - and its not going to sound helpful right now - is that you will get through it because you have to. You are far stronger than you think you are. And we are all here for you.<BR>with love,<BR>cd

fighting irish:<P>How do you want to fight this? You could certainly go on the offensive. If your husband is the father, you could attempt to go for joint custody. You certainly can be involved in how visitation goes: she's not going to get anywhere in the legal system with what she's dictating as an acceptable visitation policy. And the more documentation you have to demonstrate that she's acting irrationally, the better off you are. Make sure you've got a good lawyer.<P>On the other hand, if your husband is father of this child and you both want to be uninvolved, you could decide to move away from the OW. Limit the means of contact (through a lawyer---no phone, no address). Make sure child support is paid on time, but let that be the only contact that you have with her.<P>There are obviously a number of options inbetween these. I strongly suggest that you and your husband get on the same page on how to deal with her, and do so with a united approach.

I just had to go back & read some past posts. I know that today you are in too much pain to really deal with this "person". But here is what I would do. First, get mad enough to defend your children and let this OW know who she is dealing with. Start off by getting your attorney to send her letter stating what the TWO of you are demanding. This should include custody. Make sure that some how a statement is in the letter about your "stable two parent home" and what a good environment it is for children. Let that shake her up.<P>Make your lawyer pull as many punches as possible to back her off. Have him state that messages left with your H's family are evidence of her inabilty and incapability to raise a child. If he refuses, get another lawyer. Your H needs to understand that this is in the best interest of your children, and also in the best interest of OC.<P>And this may seem really crazy, but never put you H in a position to have to chose your children over OC. Alway include OC in your conversations and voice your concern for OC. As soon as i started doing that my H backed off a WHOLE BUNCH on how much obligation he felt for OC. He had no reason to defend OC and soon quit doing it.<P>You must be sly as a fox and NEVER let the crazy people get ahead. Think of this as a chess game or however you must to add emotional distance and give yourself the clear head you need to protect your children. They need you doing ok. <P>Take care. Please be good to you right now. Carolyn