FightingIrish,<BR>I will pray for you today.<P>I feel as if I'm peeking into the future and seeing ME doing that over the "news". I've been through so much and it'll be another thing I have to accept as I cannot change a thing.<P>It's in God's hands....my life is so messed up.<P>You are amazing given all you have endured!<BR>Keep on keepin on sweetie....cry scream and break any damn thing you want!<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear irish, <BR>Looks like I am a little late in offering my sympathy. And, since that has been done to death already, how bout I just offer you congratulations instead. Why? Because you have just lived though the absolute worst moment of your entire life. As long as you are still breathing, you have succeeded, my friend. Take comfort in knowing that when you finally hit rock bottem, there is nowhere left to go but up. Things will get better. I can't promise that will happen any time in the foreseeable future, but it WILL happen.<P>With love,cd

Dear Fighting Irish,<P>I too am so sorry for the heartbreak that you're<BR>going through. Most all of these great women have<BR>been where you are and you can see that they have<BR>survived. I'll keep you in my prayers.<BR>You have proven how incredibly strong you are all<BR>throughout your life. I know that this is the worst.<BR>Just take it one day at a time and know that we are<BR>here for you. <BR>Take Care, fluke

It is true you know...God will never give us more than we can handle. We are all still here. <P>Irish...pray for strength and patience. Pray for the power of forgiveness and God's mercy. Give it all over to God. THat is what I used to do when it was too much. That is why he will not give us more than we can handle...bc you can hand it back when it is. He will take it and you will be safe. Give it a try and I will pray for you. And you never know how you are effecting others around you.<P>I ought to let you know as I was conteplating what to tell you and as I was tyoing I realized this was a message to me too. I need to reevaluate what I am doing. I have hit the 2 yr mark and ow has invaded my life again. for about a month I have been horrible to my H. He still puts up with me, but I know eventually he will not. How could he? Thank you for being an influence in my life. I will me praying for you. I know how much this hurts.<P>Love and Prayers<P>bw

Well, progress has been made. I have had makeup on for a total of an hour and NO TEARS! H is so happy that I have found you all and that we are able to be a support system for each other! Thank you all for everything! I know there are going to be some real crappy days, but I trust that I have a place to come and vent and cry and talk and at least a few dozen of you will understand. I hope someday to be as much help to you all as you've been to me! Hang in there guys....I still have makeup on and it's not at the bottom of my chin!

{{{{{MY heart and prayers are with you.}}}}}}}<BR>Next year will be my one year mark. Four days after our 11th wedding anniversary. OC was born 5 months before our only daughter was born via invitro. We both supposedly had problems, but I guess OP was very fertile. <BR>As much as it may not seem, time does help. I still cry, scream, hit, etc. But I'm able to get more consecutive days in which I can get by without doing any of those things. <BR>There is light at the end of the tunnel and there are many people here to listen, support and pray for you.<BR>Hang in there. <BR>

I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION YOU ARE IN.<BR>ONCE THE RESULTS WERE IN I THOUGHT I COULD KILL SOMEONE. BUT AT THE SAME TIME I KNEW THAT MY H AND I HAD A DECISION TO MAKE. THROUGH THIS WHOLE ORDEAL H WANTED TO STAY IN THE MARRIAGE IT WAS WELL OVER WITH THE OW.HE WANTED TO BE IN THE OC LIFE AND I WAS NOT GOING TO SAY NO BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO SNEAK AND DO IT. AND THAT MIGHT LEAD HIM TO DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH THE OW. WE HAD DECIDED TO TELL THE OW THAT WE WILL TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD. WHY DID WE DO THAT BECAUSE WE COULD NOT AFFORD TO GO TO COURT FOR CHILD SUPPORT. WE HAVE THREE OF OUR OWN AND THE AGES ARE 13,11, AND 9 WE DID NOT TELL THEM THE STORY OF HOW THEY HAVE A SISTER ALL THEY KNOW IS THEY HAVE A SISTER. AND LOOKS FORWARD TO HER COMING ON THE WEEKEND. THE OC WAS BORN DEC 2000. SO NOW WE H AND I PICK UP CHILD TOGETHER FOR THE WEEKEND AND WE TAKE THE CHILD HOME ON SUNDAYS. BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS IT IS SO HARD TO SEE YOUR H WITH HIS AND SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD. I CRIED AND CRIED. EVEN THOUGH MY H SAID IT WAS OVER BETWEEN THEM I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING ANYTHING HE SAYS. WHEN HE PICKS CHILD UP I MAKE HIM DO EVERYTHING FOR THE OC. HE FEEDS HER, BATHES HER, GETS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NGHT WITH HER THIS IS LETTING HIM KNOW THAT THE OC IS HIS RESPONSIBILTY. AND I ALSO LET HIM KNOW IF HE IS NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO WATCH HER THEN DON'T ET HER I AM NOT BABY SITTING.IF HE NEEDS ANYTHING FROM THE STORE I'LL GO IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO GET OUT AND VENT.DON'T RUSH TO DO ANYTHING WAIT UNTIL YOU FEEL YOU CAN HANDLE WHATEVER YOU DECIDE. IT IS A LONG ROAD BUT IF YOU ARE WILLING TO STAY IN YOUR MARRIAGE THEN YOU HAVE TO WORK AS A TEAM TO RECOVERY TOGETHER.<P>QUESTION:<BR>DO OW WANT TO GO FOR CS IF YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY?<BR>HOW IS HER ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOUR H?<BR>DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?<P>PS WHERE I LIVE AS FAR AS CS I WAS TOLD THAT IT WAS CALCULATE BETWEEN BOTH BP INCOME NOT MINES. DON'T LET THE OW WIN. THAT IS WHAT KEPT ME GOING TO. KNOWING HOW THEY WAS HOPING THAT OUR H WOULD LEAVE US AND GO TO THEM BUT WE CAN PROVE THEM WRONG AND LET THEM KNOW THAT OUR MARRIAGE CAN OVER COME ALL OF IT. IT WILL JUST TAKE TIME. <P>

Sweet C...<BR>Thanks for your post. Thank god we're not sharing a jail cell together, huh? Ha ha! As of yesterday, the OW understands that H wants nothing to do with OC. SHE wanted a child and went about it a very deceiptful way. She has her child...she will get C/S....but she will not take anymore of my life and my children's life away from us! H and I agree that for our lives to be complete and whole again, we have to work on what we have...and not include OW and OC in our lives at all. Unfortunately, it looks like my SIL will be playing both sides against the middle...between us and OW/OC. Since the results came back yesterday, my SIL has ALREADY contacted the OW to help arrange the OC's 1st b-day party around the middle of May. This is absolutely unacceptable to me and H, and will probably cause a huge rift in the family...which my H understands he is greatly responsible for. My children are 8 and 11...and this is VERY hard for them. I just hope that somehow something positive comes of this and my children learn the value of love and respect in a relationship! <BR>Best of luck each and every day to each and every one of you!<BR>~Irish

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Dear Fighting Irish,<P>Looks like I too am late in offering my sympathy. Although it is late, I want you to know how truly sorry I am for your pain.<P>We undergo genetic testing next month. I know what you mean about that last little bit of hope and how you were holding onto the thought that it might not be your H's child. My H is also sure that the child is his. Her birthday is very near your OC's--May 1st. I am sure that I will have a crash when we get the tests back. Nothing like staring at a piece of paper to dissuade you of your last hopes.<P>What I don't get is why he is so positive that the child is his. He says "She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't sleep with someone else." I ask "Why not? You did that to me!" He says "She was in love with me." and I say "And what were you with me?" I resent the arrogance of his certainty and his belief that she is somehow morally superior to him. He fell, why couldn't she? Actually, they aren't married it wouldn't even be cheating on her part. I would have given her points for being out there looking for a man who could give her a full life, not just the scraps my husband let fall from our table.<P>Hang on, have faith and pray. I wonder, where we all so faithful and reliant on God before this or did this experience change us? For my part, I have been a faithful Christian for 25 years now and have strived to build my life on God's holy will. I think that I am unequally yoked.<P>Mrs. Job<P>------------<BR>My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. <BR> <BR>He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my<BR>defence; I shall not be moved. <BR> <BR>In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my<BR>strength, and my refuge, is in God. <BR>Psalms 62:5-7

Dear FightingIrish,<P>Your statement that your SIL has contacted the OW to arrange a birthday party for the OC really set me on fire!<P>My dear SIL did exactly the same thing. She made a big display of making friends with the OW, despite knowing that my H did not want this woman and child included into our family activities. All the while, my SIL was telling everyone that regardless of who the parents were, the child was still her niece and her flesh and blood!<P>The sad result in my case was that we really had to break off relations with this woman. There were quite a few family events that we did not attend because the OW and OC were invited by her. And, we stopped going to my MIL's house for a while because the OC's picture was prominently displayed on the fireplace.<P>Then, the miracle happened. Of course since the OW is a person of questionable integrity and morals, and also a pushy little thing on top of that, she and my SIL began to have disagreements. Eventually, they stopped speaking to each other and there was my SIL frantically looking around for my H and her other niece and nephew (my kids).<P>We now attend limited family functions, but to tell you the truth, there is a lot of distance between us because of what she did. I cannot understand people who talk about flesh and blood -- what is her own brother (my H)? Is he not flesh and blood? Yet, his wishes were considered not important?<P>As for me, I never had the warmest relationship with my SIL, but I felt that she had totally disrespected me and my children. Our relationship became and remains very strained. When I am around her, I am polite, nothing more.<P>I am sorry that it seems you may be in for a rough ride with your in-laws. Don't let them get you down and remember that your family is the one that counts. If the extended family cannot come around and be supportive, then, like my mother always says -- you can do bad all by yourself, you really don't need them.<P>I hope you and your H can discuss this with your SIL and make her see that she is causing more pain and hardship if she continues with this charade of trying to include the OW and OC.<P>Good luck.<BR>love,<BR>heavenly

I know how it feels to have an in-law go behind your back and against your expressed wishes. In my case, my MIL told her whole family the WHOLE story about my pregnancy, AFTER my H, her SON, told his father NOT to say anything to anyone. She then, less than 24 hours later, was on the phone with H's brothers, telling them that FIL promised not to say anything, not her. The whole thing has my H just about refusing to speak to his mother! I think the thing that put the nail in the coffin was her statement, not just that she HAD to tell everyone. My thing with it is that she took that control of when and who would know away from me and H! I have spoken with her a couple times since then, Oh, I forgot to mention that this was about 3 weeks before I was due to deliver too!! It wasn't that we weren't going to tell his brothers, just in our own way and time. She also told her sisters and brother, cause "she wasn't comfortable keeping a secret from the family" Yes, I guess I am still bitter about it, cause I am thinking very sarcastically when quoting her. Too bad it can't come out that way on the screen Anyway, I feel for you and anyone else dealing with family that doesn't respect your wishes, and goes behind your backs to do what they want. I really don't understand why they do it, and we will deal with it when we are closer to home again. Who knows what will happen then. <P>Just my story for this situation.<P>Tigger

{{{fightingirish}}}:<P>I don't usually post on this board, but I read this thread and I feel so badly for you.<P>I am so sorry to hear of all the pain you have been through and still face. You're right: it's not fair. But you're doing a great job IMHO facing adversity.<P>I wish I could help you with your sister-in-law. Perhaps when the screaming stops and the pain dulls she will begin to see your point of view. Until then, I think you were wise to ask her to leave your house.<P>All the best to you. <BR>--HBC

I am very sorry for you and that you have to go through it too