LesW, please once again... no generalities. I cannot agree that "most" OW are not bad people. Neither can I state that "most" are. I have no facts regarding this. I deal only with the OW in my situation. She knew prior to any relationship with my H that he was married. She knew and met my children. She intentionally got pregnant in an attempt to keep my H. These are not the actions of a victim. She set out to cause my children harm. I wish no harm on her or her child. I just wanted her to back off, take her check and allow us visitation with child. She refuses. She wants my H to be with her fulltime and raise her child. Can you see how my children might be victims? I am just grateful that I can support them on my own if need be. God knows, no one else is looking out for them.<P>Just please... don't lump everyone into one category. It is so very prejudicial. Ask specific questions or give specific answers. Otherwise, nothing is gained by anyone. <P>Take care... Carolyn

Getting back to lsb's original post:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My h is having 2nd thoughts of writing a joint letter to OW. thinks sending her a letter may incite her to create more chaos in our life, and since she has left us alone for 2 months except for her attempt to send an Easter card, which we sent back unopened, he thinks that is enough of a message. I realize cannot send letter without his total agreement, but wonder if he is right about this. I think it still would be important to send her a letter presenting a clear united front, stating our expectations about no contact, etc. He says he will write a letter such as that if she persists in more attempts at contact. I see his point, but wonder what other people think. How many of you have done such a letter? how many have not? Do you think it is always needed? would appreciate comments, I felt powerful thinking about writing and sending it, on that I agree with Cdcollins who speaks of taking offensive with OW.I felt stronger, happier just composing possible letter.ON other hand, I know H knows OW, I do not, and I do not want to do anything to incite her. Plus, maybe if she remains quiet and not bothering us, that is sufficient.What do you all think? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>lsb, The Harleys recommend that the Wayward Spouse write a no contact letter. It clearly states that Wayward wants no additional contact with the OP and that s/he has found his way home.<P>Of course, every situation is unique! <P>I agree with some of the others here who have stated that sometimes it is best to "let sleeping dogs lie." It is quite likely that your husband simply does not want to stir the pot.<P>You mentioned the possibility of just writing the letter together. Have you brought up that possibility with your husband? Make it clear that you absolutely will not send the letter without his permission, but that you think it would be a good, healing opportunity for you to see the words on paper. <P>Keep it personal. Don't say you think it would be good for him or for her--just tell him you think it would be good for you.<P>Your husband may be right. It may be better to just let the OW go about her business and not contact her any more. That is the intent of the no contact letter anyway, isn't it?<P>All the best to you, lsb. I think you're doing great!<P>--HBC