I am not named as moderator of this particular forum, however, I have been asked by Steve Harley, who is the forum administrator, to coordinate moderation activities on all forums. Until this particular forum has its own moderator, which will be within the next week or so, I will serve in that capacity here.<P>ALL Marriage Builders forums, particularly those having to do with aspects of infidelity, are intended to be safe havens for those who need to talk about the issues they face. When the users of any of the forums begin to feel unsafe or uncomfortable, it is important to the moderators and administrators of the forums to address these concerns. I have been informed that regular users of this forum have been made to feel uncomfortable, attacked and definitely unsafe by one or two new participants.<P>I am making this post to make it clear that the purpose of this forum is to provide a safe place for people whose lives are being or have been touched by a pregnancy or child of infidelity to discuss the issues that they are facing. It was created in response to requests from wives who were dealing with their husband's infidelity compounded by the pregnancy or child of the other woman as a result of that infidelity. Therefore, the primary purpose of this forum is to provide a supportive environment to those women.<P>While people from all sides of this issue are welcome to post here, the forum must remain a safe place. It is clear that a number of forum members find particular users and their recent posts to be offensive or hurtful. Those users have been asked politely by a number of forum members to desist in the hurtful or offensive posts, and have not, apparently, desisted. Marriage Builders prefers not to act as censors, but the moderators and admins often have to make the decision to lock threads, delete posts and sometimes even to ban users from posting if the situation warrants. I hope that we do not have to take action of that sort here on this forum<P>Thank you all for your anticipated cooperation.<P>------------------<BR><B>Tempest</B>, Moderator<BR>Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:<BR><I>General Questions II, Just Found Out...,<BR>Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery</I> <BR>and <I>Read-Only Posts</I>

Well I hope that marriage builders and its censors read the posts. Because how I feel and from what I can gather LesW feels is that we were attacked because we apposed some of the viewpoints here on the OC. We have never directly insulted any member although they have insulted us many times. I think your warning ought to include a section on respecting all opinions and accepting that some people have different opinions, but we can still get along.

Thank you Tempest. I was afraid we were going to have to start jello recipe partys again (do you remember THAT night ?)<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

I'm quite fond of lime jello, myself. I'd like to know how people get the flavors layered so nicely, too.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B>Tempest</B>, Moderator<BR>Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:<BR><I>General Questions II, Just Found Out...,<BR>Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery</I> <BR>and <I>Read-Only Posts</I>

You use the quick set recipe (with ice instead of cold water) and mix one flavor at a time , when the bottom layer has set you mix and add layer 2 (cold !) ect. At least that's how I do it.<P>

Dear Tempest, <P> Thank you, I feel like this site is my second home, a safe place to fall.<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

I think its a pretty sad statement on the moderators when they play favorites with out even listening to the other side of a situation. Read the rules for this board. I have and me nor the other people that disagree with the tyrants here have done anything wrong.

Somebody have a persecution complex?<P>Thanks for trying Tempest. Guess I need a break from the board until the Bad Air clears.

I am sorry you feel that way becuase had you all taken the time and had the heart you would have found several good people here that just feel differently then you all do. And I don't intend on going anywhere anytime soon.

<P> Snore<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Lurking Woman,<P>If you will read what Tempest said again you will see that she did not take sides nor did she mention any names. Tempest has been here a very long time (Sorry Tempest) and I have never seen her take a heavy handed approach to moderating these boards. But this forum Pregnancy/Child was created for betrayed spouses who are not only dealing with the pain of an affair but with the added pain a child being concived in the affair brings.<P>If you have never lived through that you can't understand it. I thankfully haven't gone through the child part, but the women and men who decide to stay married and work on the marriage despite that added angle have nothing but my respect. No matter how they deal with it. <P>So I ask you as calmly as I have ever *spoken* to anyone on these boards, please stop posting hurtful things to the ladies here, and please do not take shot at our moderator. I for one do not believe she deserves it. Thank you.

And I repeat I have not posted anything intentionally hurtful, but have been on the receiving end of it. Even in the most recent posts under this topic and a few others tonight. No one here knows what I have lived through because they judged without even asking. <P>If someone says something you disagree with why not try talking to them nicely, ask why they believe that way and nicely hold a discussion about it. I am sure that all of us can learn from all of us. It takes a MUTUAL respect.<P>There was no cheap shot at the moderator. I only pointed out that I have as much right to be here as any of you do. And that I have not broken any of the rules for this or any other marriage buildres boards. If she took it as a shot I am sorry, but I do think that she heard one side of it. She has made no attempt to ask me how I feel about the situation on this board.<P>But then again I have never been one to whine to others when something or someone apposes me. I can stick up for myself just fine. But if she would like my account of what has occured here tell her to feel free and ask.

Pardon me ? I said what I did about Tempppest because I wanted to, no one asked me to ! I said it because it is true. And all anyone who wants to read every word you have written here has to do is click on your profile and click search all posts by this user.<P>Please I am asking you yet again to stop, there are women who need the support here leaving because of some of the things being said. Please don't take their safe haven away from them.

And I again say I have not taken anything away from them. If a person is not interested in my viewpoint, they have the right to ignore it. As I do with theirs. It is the internet for gosh sakes. Skip over anything that offends you.

Let me explain something real quick here. MB is NOT just the internet. Some of us have been here for a long time (I've been around about two years myself) we have forged friendships. We feel this is our community, a place for us to try to deal with some of the worst pain we have ever felt. ( And believe me I know pain. I have buried a husband and a child, I know what all kinds of abuse feels like. ) We care about one another here. <P>The problem I have with you is that you just keep pushing your views of what these ladies should do. Over and over again. You have not been where they are, you have an opinion and you have stated it. But you just won't let it be. In fact you have just made it clear that you have every intention of staying and keeping this forum disrupted. I hope you knowq what you are doing.<P> I have been as calm as I know how to be with you, yet have been met with a hostile attitude so I give up. <BR>

I thank you as well, Tempest. I have not been on this board as long as a lot of the others, but also feel as if I am part of a family.<P>LW,<P>Being a person who has been betrayed, you feel you have the right to be here, but that is not necessarily the case. As it has been pointed out to you more than once, this is Marriage Builders, and this particular board is for those of us who are dealing with a child who was conceived through an EMA. Yes, you have the right to read any of the posts, but you have had your say. Now, you just keep repeating yourself, not just on this thread, but you even copy something that you post, and start a whole new thread with it. I don't think that it is going to make any of these women decide to change their minds on anything they have decided in their marriage. The majority of the women here are not just dealing with the OC, but with paying huge amounts in CS to this OW/OC, while their own children suffer. As to you saying that the H should be involved in the OC's life, these women see it as taking away from the children who were there first even more. You suggest getting lawyers to change the CS amount, but when one of the more open women responded by telling you how little money they have, due to CS, all you can say is to do more research. Mind you, this is one of the women who is willing to seek custody/visitation with the OC, and you still tell her that the women on this board all think the same way. <P>Please, you have had your say, and it obviously won't change anyone's oppinions on their decisions here. You are beating a dead horse, and getting no where. Until you have walked even 10 feet in their shoes, you can't even begin to know how they feel, so stop telling them what they need to do, and that they don't know their spouse, and that he will just continue to lie and cheat. That is not being kind at all.

I am not beating the dead horse all of you angry women are. And myself, LesW, and others aren't the ones saying the mean and hateful things. We posted our opinions and are not just defending ourselves against the attacks here. If you guys truly want peace, why not make an offering, ask our stories, be nice.

I really wish the moderator or the administration would block LW, she made a statement in a thread about the policy of joint agreement that said that our spouses probably still run to the op at the present. How can LW claim that she is here to merely give advise and opinions, yet make a hurtful statement like that. She claims we are the ones who are making the hurtful statements, I have to disagree. The must horrible thing that someone can say to a BS is that we had it coming and that our spouses are still with the op. I really think she needs to go so we can get on with the purpose we are truely here for. I have gotten so much comfort, support, and friendship here and I can only imagine that there are many that need it but are fearful to post with what is going on. Lets get back to the puropse and continue to rebuild and make our marriages and lives healthy and happy. Peace, to my marriage builders family, shame on you to those who are trying to hurt us. GAbi1116

But part of that moving on and rebuilding your marriage is accepting that sometimes your not aware of everything in y our marriage. Believe me I put my heart and soul into my marriage. I was 21 and he was 33. He cheated the week before we got married with my cousin! I didn't find out till a long time after we got married. When I did I cut all ties with my cousin and he guaranteed me he wouldn't cheat again. Then I started receiving phone calls from a woman telling me she had my husbands baby. She would never leave a name and I eventually forgot about it when it ceased. Two years later she called us and told me her name and her childs name and that he was my husbands. I insisted my husband go meet this child. Well - my husband is very dark skinned and has a mixture of nationalities but mostly hispanic in him. The child was blond haired and blue eyed. The woman said she had been with two men and it could be my husband or the other. It turned out not to be my husband, but I know that for that childs sake I would have insisted he be involved with the child. I also know that I had a lot of time in between first getting told and actually meeting the child to think about what was best. I had dealt with a lot of the anger and bitterness before meeting the child. I know that most of you are in a very difficult place and I am sorry for offending you, but I still feel that the child has to come first. Also my husband went on to cheat again, and after 5 years of that I finally smartened up. Believe me he was attentive, loving and always believable. But he manageed to still cheat. I guess in my experience I just learned not to be so gullable. Not to say I will never trust again, but I am much more careful about how much I trust.

LW,<P>Just out of morbid curiosity how is it that you "insisted" on him being involved with the child if it was his? Is not this also pushing your veiws on your H? Not exactly the POJA. And for the record I have not pushed my H to do anything except take the dna test. We live about 1000 mi away from ow, so I KNOW he is not with her.<P>You have said that neither you now LesW have been mean or offensive, but you know that you have. Being called tyrants, self-centered, and blind are not exactly kind. And there is no call for bashing our spouses and saying things like they will do it agian or that they are still doing it. How does this help the situation? You claim to be upset bc you say we are judging you and didnt ask your story. You, on the other hand, did not bother to get to know us, nor do you know our spouses. How can you make such comments about us and them and still have such a self-righteaous attitude? Most people come here and immediately post their story. That way we get to know them . Go ahead and tell us. I am askin you to. YOu and LesW. There...someone has asked. You gonna tell?