Ok here we go. Yes we did last year and it was just something we did. Now I he is starting in again about it. I have started thinking alot about religion and reading on it. I would love to find a church and take the kids. He has no interest in that. But anyway, I know that it is not right to take his fantasies away. We have a good sex life {except here lately} I think that because of this I got genital warts. I have not been to the doc yet they just popped up. I know that the consequences are great when you get into something like this and I am not intersted in it at all. I tell him that I love him and that he is the only one that I want to be with. He says that If I don't then we need to go our seperat ways so he can be happy. He grumps around all day telling me how unhappy he is and every time we have a conversation he some how mananges to stick in how he never get his way and how if I give into to him that he would help me out around the house {he said that last time}. Well I guess that is all sorry if it was to long I had a lot to say

Jess, I think you have to be true to yourself. Dont let anyone force you or black mail you into something you dont want to do. Your husband is acting like a spoilt imature child.... What will he be asking next of you????????

I was in the same situation as you. When my ex H and I first got married he wanted to do that. I told him no. For three years straight he bugged me to death about it. He was also abusive though throughout our marriage so that is part of it too.

After all that time of him bringing it up I finally did and I hated it. It was just wrong. His reasoning was that he had always wanted to try it and since we loved each other so much that it was the perfect gift to give him to show how much I really loved him. Well one time was not enough. He wanted it more and more and he would rant and rave about it. It got where I started drinking more when I noticed where things would be heading if company was over. It was easier for me to handle it if I was drunk.

Well we continued this for a year and I still hated it but I loved him (so I thought) and was willing to do anything to make him happy. I felt unloved and unattractive because of this. Apparently I wasn't enough to make him happy in bed. Don't get me wrong I got were I enjoyed it quite a bit but I never asked to do it, it was all his doing. I was happy with our sex life between just the two of us. It got where I hated myself even more. Not only was he always making me feel like crap with his hurtful words and his physical abuse but now I was abusing myself. I asked several times to stop this and he never wanted to.

As you read he is my ex H now. That was five years ago. I finally had enough of the abuse and the different people he brought into our bed. I am better than that and I deserved better.

Your H sounds like him when you say he gets upset and makes promises. He has found out he likes it just like mine did. It ended out marriage along with the abuse. His last words were "I ruined our marriage by doing this."

Fantasys are just that. Leave them there if it could possibly ruin your marriage. But there is nothing wrong with fantasy that only the two of you can do together. I feel something like this needs to be taken care of before you commit in a marriage/relationship and if it is something that you just can't let go then you don't need to be in a relationship at all. They need to "sow their oats" before.

Are there other fantasys he would like to do that just the two of you maybe can do? Have you thought about both of you going to someone and discussing this and seeing if maybe they can help? I know what your going through. Mine couldn't be saved not just because of the swinging but because he was abusive. I have talked to too many people that say swinging works for them and then talk to them again and they are no longer together. A marriage bed wasn't meant to bring others into. That is a personal space for the two people that love each other to show their feelings. Whatever you do don't do it again just because he is threatening to leave. You will love yourself more for not doing it.

you know, everyone has to right to do as he or she wishes, but when a person is married it is a very good idea for that person to consider their spouse before doing anything of any importance. in my opinion, swinging is morally incorrect. not to mention the disease and heartache that can result from it. if you are really concerned about your husband wanting to swing again, you should have a long and serious talk with him as soon as possible letting him know that you want no part of it. i am assuming you did it once and you don't want to do it again. if that's the case, lay it out on the table to your husband. if he is unhappy having sex with his wife only, then he should not be married.
like i stated before, i don't think swinging is a good things for many reasons, but if it does happen, the man and wife should at least be agreeable to it.

I read your post today Jessylu and I was scrolling down wondering how to go back to my topic of last week (similar to your experience, well similar issue anyways..adding someone else into the bedroom...) to add in AnitaRae's response. Her experience and insight about this very subject was a huge eye opener for me. Glad to see now..that she did.

Sorry I can't offer any advise, all i can offer is the best of wishes and for the Lord to heal your heart and free your mind from this trouble you are going through with your H about this matter.

This is a no-brainer...

Sexual activities, in whatever form, between two consenting adults is OK. The converse is also true.

You don't want to do it, so you aren't consenting, so the answer is "NO."

If he has to leave to be happy, show him the door. It would be better to get him out of your life than put up with the abuse.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He says that If I don't then we need to go our seperat ways so he can be happy. He grumps around all day telling me how unhappy he is and every time we have a conversation he some how mananges to stick in how he never get his way and how if I give into to him that he would help me out around the house {he said that last time}. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These are emotional manipulation tools that he is using to get you to capitulate. Chances are, he doesn't really mean them. He should not make his care conditional on whether or not you let him cheat.

Yes, I said it, CHEAT. If you are not enthusiastic about swinging and he is pressuring you, what he is really asking is for your permission to cheat. What a selfish question. (Not that you should tell him it is the most selfish question that you've heard or anything.)

He grumps around all day complaining about how unhappy he is? So he is defining his happiness by whether or not he is 'allowed' to be unfaithful to his wife?

This behavior is also abusive in many ways, BTW. I think you should do a real introspection on his methods of controlling you (yes, this manipulation has one goal, controlling you so that he can have what he wants) and your boundries.