There are so many situations involving OC and their needs...<P>For instance, our daughter has a son by her ex. They divorced due to his drug use, and she has hauled him back to court 3 times to get him to pay child support. He even spent 3 days in jail last year, until his girlfriend managed to scratch up the money to get him out.<P>Her ex has fathered two more sons since their divorce..one by a woman who was still legally married. The mothers of those two illegitimate sons have also gone after him for child support.<P>The girlfriend...the one who bailed him out of jail by paying his back child support, was dumb enough to marry him and get pregnant by him. Her child, a girl, is due any day.<P>Our ex-SiL's mother called me the other day. During the conversation, she says that his wife is really having a hard time dealing with the situation. To that, I said, "That's too bad, but she knew it on the front end."<P>Now, our daughter works her butt off for her son. We help as much as we can. He will never be without anything he needs as long as we have breath in our bodies.<P>I have no idea what kind of family support the mothers of his sons have.<P>I'm quite sure that the new wife is starting to realize that, due to the child support for three separate children, she will most likely have to be the sole support for her own child. Her husband goes from job to job, and if he makes $400 in a week, he's doing good. BTW, our daughter only gets $216/mo. in child support, which won't even pay for his daycare. <P>So, since our daughter has plenty of family support, a good job, and is able to provide a reasonably nice home for her son, should she just forget about the child support so that there will be more for the two other sons and the new baby?<P>I don't think so.<P>Like the judge told her ex (before the 3rd child support order kicked in): "The child of your first marriage is entitled to eat at the dining room table, your illegitimate child eats at the kitchen table, and the child your current wife is expecting will have to eat on the back porch. Any other children you father will probably have to scratch in the dirt like chickens." Of course, since the 3rd son's child support order has gone into effect, I guess that relegates the new wife's child to scratching in the dirt. Sad, but that's the way it is.<P>Just as our ex-SiL's wife KNEW about these other children before she was dumb enough to get pregnant, these OWs (well, most of them, anyway) KNEW that the MM already had families; so, they shouldn't complain about their children having to scratch in the dirt. They need to get off their duffs and take care of their children themselves. They are in no position to demand anything more than proper financial support for their children, and I do think that legally, the first children of the marriage should be considered first, before any child support is awarded to the OC.<P>Besides, all this talk about the father needing to be involved in the children's lives is nothing more than a desire to keep him in their own lives. I have yet to figure the logic in an OW thinking that a man would leave his children of the marriage if she has his baby.<P>Yes, it is sad that ANY child has to grow up without both parents in his life on a daily basis, but life is not fair. If it was, there wouldn't be any OC to begin with.<P>LC

Lady Clueless,<BR>I think I love you !

that's a great way of putting it. thanks.

All I can think of to say to that is:<P>BRAVA!!!!

If only MORE people thought this way!<BR>Lady Clueless, you are a gem!

Lady Clueless, spoken like a true lady, I think I love you too. Hope you and your words of wisdom will visit us often. Just one question. why is it that my child seem to suffer and they were here first, our cs is a lot, and I know others here on this forum have the same problem, The ow barely works, and my h and I bust our butt, she cashs a nice check, and we nearly lost our house last month. Gabi1116

lady clueless, I am polishing my dining room table just in case I am getting company. I love you too!

lady, just agreeing with everyone else you are a Gem. with love flowerseed

Gabi1116,<BR> I hate that your child has to suffer due to the child support laws.<P> The reason my daughter's son gets the first dollar is because she divorced his father and was awarded child support before he fathered these other children.<P> I think that we should all contact our state legislators and get the child support laws changed so that the older children of the marriage are considered before child support is awarded to any subsequent children. As it stands, I think that I would advise anyone whose H has father an OC to immediately file for legal separation and child support....before the OW does.<P>LC

we don't have a dining room, but the table our family gathers around is sacred to us. <P>we are lucky(thus far, except for 3mo. due to calif. for when she went on aid ant the end of preg) XOW vows to only ask for help as needed, she knows we are struggling too...I only pray she gets on her feet soon...we've worked hard over the last few years (my education(2.5 years down, 2 to go), and his (only 1 year, done soon, lucky!!) and I'd hate to see that light at the end of the tunnel dimmed by CS!!! (esp. when I doubt CS laws take into consideration huge ed. loan payments!)<P>of course, there's also the fear that she's nothing but a liar...but I try and not live my life scared of the what if's...<P>relationship...some XOW may want to keep H around...others just do not understand what a daddy really is, and that when a child doesn't get the 'whole' daddy, he/she suffers more than w/ no daddy and just a good mommy.